Some time ago, I went on a quick weekend trip to NYC with my partner and 2 of our closest friends. The four of us have all been friends for about 5 years. The cast is as follows:
Myself, 27M
Kyle, my boyfriend, 28M
Liz, 26F
Josh, 27M
Liz’s boyfriend Aaron, 27M (not present on the trip, and not really part of our shared circle of close friends)
At the time of the trip, Josh was single, and Liz was dating Aaron, who was unable to attend the trip. Liz was also struggling financially, while for the rest of us this trip wasn’t particularly expensive. Kyle and I did not live together, and in fact lived just far enough apart that we were only seeing eachother maybe once a month.
During planning, we took a few measures to make the expense easier on Liz. The rest of us were proactive on this – we knew she was struggling and didn’t want her to have to ask us to cut costs, nor did we want her to cancel, so our itinerary involved the cheapest bus tickets there and one hotel room with 2 beds to share. I know for some people it might be an immediate red flag that we had a mixed gender room, but we’ve all known eachother for years and have done this before without issue.
On the way to NYC, Liz said that Aaron actually didn’t want her to share a bed with Josh, and would prefer instead that she shared a bed with either Kyle or I – not because Aaron had any malice towards Josh, purely because Kyle and I are gay and that made him feel better about either us sharing a bed with Liz. I was kind of upset by this, as Kyle and I don’t get to see eachother that often, so I didn’t really want to be split from him. If this had been brought up earlier I would’ve happily just paid for a separate room for Kyle and I.
Kyle and I said we’d see if we could get a cot at the hotel for Liz so that she could sleep on her own. At the hotel, we were unable to procure a cot, and once we got in the room Kyle and I put our suitcases on the same bed. Josh decided to sleep on the floor to accommodate Liz. I felt terrible about this part, Josh shouldn’t have had to sleep on the floor while on vacation.
We didn’t argue about it at any point, but it seemed like Liz was bristling a bit in the hotel room. Josh was insisting that he was fine with the floor and telling us not to worry, but I feel like he got the short end of the stick.
I’m torn. I felt it was unfair to spring on us last minute that the boundaries Liz and Aaron had set were going to interfere with Kyle and I’s relationship. It feels unfair for Aaron to say that because he’s uncomfortable with Liz sharing a bed with a straight man, Kyle and I must instead be the ones to share beds with others. This isn’t actually a boundary issue for Kyle and I, we trust eachother enough to share beds within this group when we have to, we just didn’t want to be split up.
So, AITA?
Why didn’t you push the beds together and all 4 of you could have been in one big bed. Then send pictures to A-A-Ron to tell him to get over himself.
This is hysterical though. Put OP and partner in middle and josh and liz on either side and send aaron a pic, look we have a gay buffer!
Speaking as a straight woman, I would feel uncomfortable sharing a bed with a straight man who I was not romantically involved with. However if she did feel comfortable with that, then it was a good solution for you all to save money. And she should have told her boyfriend before the last minute. Josh did get screwed there. Hotel floors are disgusting. If you had learned that she would not share a bed with Josh in enough time, you could have made other arrangements. I understand that you were all kindly trying to save her money, but asking someone to sleep on the floor sucks.
NTA. Liz was the one with the issue, so she should have been the one to take the cot or floor.
NTA. Liz and Aaron are the AHs. Aaron is an AH for trying to direct sleeping arrangements as well as for not trusting Liz or Josh, essentially (does he think they’d be not-so-secretly fooling around in a bed adjacent to yours)? Liz is an AH for bristling with you guys as well as for allowing Josh to move to the floor. If she didn’t like the idea of sharing a bed with him, she could’ve moved. Or she could’ve opted out of the room. It was kind of you all to keep costs down for her, but if she wants to make demands that would drive costs up, she should pay for those options. I’m sorry this happened, OP, and hope you had some fun on the trip.
NTA. Now I’m going to be the AH. If Liz can’t afford to go without having to cram 4 people in a room, then she shouldn’t go. I understand that she is not the one to make that decision, but it doesn’t change how I see it. I personally would not sacrifice my comfort because someone couldn’t afford the trip.
I also think it would have been weird for her to share a bed with a straight man but I also agree she should have been the one on the floor.
NTA. While you were not particularly accommodating, I understand your position. The real AHs here are Liz and Aaron for making a last-minute demand. The right time to voice any requests or requirements for the hotel is when booking the hotel.
NTA and liz should have slept on the floor
Y’all are nearly 30. Just be honest with Liz. You guys would actually just prefer to get a room together but you’re willing to share a room to reduce expenses, however you’re not willing to sleep separately.
If Aaron wants to tell Liz- a full grown ass woman who he’s supposed to trust- which one of her friends she can share a bed at the expense of others, maybe he should get her a solo room.
I love how quickly her and her boyfriend were able to ignore boundaries and respect for your relationship in order for the boundaries and respect for their relationship to be respected.
NTA. Liz should have slept on floor as she was the one with the issue, and also causing the trip to be cheaper then needed. Even if you had gotten a hotel room for you and bf, Liz might have crashed it anyway! Again, NTA.
NtA. Shoutout to Josh. Josh is a real one.
If I were Liz, I would’ve just slept on the floor myself. I would completely understand my partner not being comfortable with me sleeping with another straight person, but I wouldn’t make this anyone else’s burden but my own, especially since she was already uncomfortable with the arrangement.