I (21m) have had a close knit group of six friends (all guys) for the past three years. Last year, one friend, let’s call him A, came out as gay. Most of us were surprised but extremely supportive, the only exception might be a friend I’ll call B.
It’s been small things, but B has definitely been less comfortable around A since he came out. I’ve noticed that B will not go shirtless on runs if A is present and one our last two weekend trips he has gone out of his way to make sure he is not sharing a room with A. It’s sad because before this B was probably the person in the group A was closest to. Once B even told me that he was having a hard time handling A being gay, but he didn’t want A to know because B recognized it was his own issue to work through. He even started seeing a therapist about it because he acknowledged that he needs to be a better friend for A. However, we can all tell that A is picking up on it and it’s been affecting him. That makes me frustrated because A is a good guy and doesn’t deserve that. It’s also complicated by the fact that when coming out A said he used to have a small crush on B when they first met, but very quickly got over it and doesn’t have those feelings anymore.
Anyway the other night we were drinking at my place. Everyone was there except A because he had earlier plans with his other friends and was coming late. We were watching stupid YouTube videos and one of a guy in tightie whity underwear came up. We all laughed about it and maybe this is weird of us but the topic of what kind of underwear we prefer came up. B basically said he still has a few pairs of tightie whitys he breaks out on laundry day, which we all gave him crap for.
Anyway A arrives as we’re having this conversation and B very not subtly no longer engages. At this point I’m a little buzzed and I can tell that A notices a shift in the conversation. It’s so obvious that B is not willing to continue the conversation in front of A. A asks what we’re talking about and I just reply, “B was just telling us how he still likes to wear tightie whitys, maybe he’ll model them for us later.” This got a laugh from everyone else (including A) except for B, but it seemed to break the tension.
Later in the night (we were pretty drunk), B took me aside at the bar we ended up going to and said I didn’t need to embarrass him like that. I said he didn’t need to treat A like garbage. To his credit he acknowledged that was an issue he was working on, but he said telling my business and trying to embarrass him was childish. It was a stupid personal detail, but it was up to him who he wanted to tell because it’s private. He also said that A is an adult who can stand up for himself. That kind of made me torn, because I see his point, but in my mind I was being a good friend to A and it felt justified. AITA?