My husband and I were asked by my in-laws to help watch their dog while they travel out of the country for medical care. My father-in-law was recently diagnosed with cancer, which I understand is extremely serious and stressful.
Originally, the plan they proposed was to split the time: my husband and I would take the dog for one month, and another family member would take the dog for another month. After discussing it, we decided we weren’t able to take the dog for a full month given that I work and we have two young children at home.
My husband communicated to his parents that we had decided not to take the dog. I suspect they believe the decision came mainly from me.
After we declined, they decided instead to leave the dog for the entire time with another sister-in-law, who has three children, including a newborn. Hearing this made me feel guilty, even though that was ultimately their decision.
My husband now feels bad and believes that when family asks for help, the answer should always be yes. I’m now questioning whether I was being unreasonable or selfish for holding this boundary, especially given the medical circumstances.
AITA?
NAH I understand why they’re upset, but you’re absolutely not the AH for not taking the dog. Call around to your local shelter or rescue. They often will have programs to arrange long term fosters for difficult situations like this.
If there is nobody home during the day at your house and there is someone home during the day at their house, then it really does make more sense for the other SIL to watch the dog. It would also be a bit harder on the dog to be split between two places.
NAH but you could’ve made it work. It wasn’t for a vacation.
You could offer to take the dog on weekends to help your SIL
INFO How much help would you look to receive from the people around you if you got sick? In the USA people are typically fairly individualistic and independent, which tbh I think is fine as long as their never looking to be on the recieving end of a communities help. Youd only become a YTA if you expect people to help you when its not 100% convient to them, but wont do the same for others now.
NAH, assuming you didn’t know that they’d likely ask the SIL with a newborn to take the dog instead. But I do wonder if you could have made it work given the circumstances that they were looking for someone to watch the dog.
If you’re feeling bad that she may have felt obligated to take the dog given that her dad is seeking medical care, could you offer to take the dog if they feel overwhelmed with a dog and a newborn (and two other kids)? Or offer to pay for some doggy daycare and/or a dog walker, if it’s truly not feasible for you to take the dog?
Personally I’m going to say yeah you were selfish. It’s a dog not a child, it wouldn’t be that hard to accommodate. And your father in law has cancer. You can inconvenience yourself to help out your family once in a while. Just remember this when you need help. YTA.
How much help was the husband going to be with the dog? Or was it just another caring role for OP? Would the in-laws be happy with the dog being alone all day as you both work?
Was the husband was going to take the dog out for two good walks every day, hopefully with the kids as well? Or was the dog care going to cut into precious family and parenting time?
YTA given the circumstances. I’m in your husband’s camp; you help family in times like these. It’s not like they were taking off on a 2 month vacation. Imagine all the stress & preparation they’re dealing with right now. Taking the dog for a month (even if it’s totally inconvenient) pales in comparison to what they’re going through right now.
You had a chance to make their life a tiny bit easier, but your lifestyle came 1st. That’s textbook AH.
I think the problem is the OP has to do all the work and the husband’s probably not gonna be doing the work
Unless the dog was dangerous to the kids, I would have stepped up. Remember hubby can be taking responsibility for the dog, too!
YTA. Inlaws aren’t going on vacation, they are going for hopefully, life saving care. They love their dog. The least you could do is sacrifice 1 month.
There is too much Missing information here. Do you have a fenced yard? How big is the dog and how much exercise does it need? Can it go 8 hours without someone letting it out for potty breaks? Does it do well around your children? And is it crate trained?
If you have a fenced yard, it isn’t a working breed that needs miles of walking and your kids get along with the dog then yes, YATA. Your inability to help your in-laws by being inconvenienced for a time has doubled the inconvenience on your SIL. This is not a fun vacation the in-laws are going on. This is a family emergency that needs everyone to help and make a few concessions.
Myself, I would have not hesitated to take the dog. 1) FIL is sick and you could’ve helped. 2) Families with children and jobs often also have dogs. But then, I’m a helpful person who also loves dogs, You. apparently, are not, so it may best all the way around if you didn’t step up. Also depends on how old the kids are and if husband planned on helping with the dog.
YTA. When someone is facing a serious health crisis, you do what you can to make it easier on them to face the fight. Family caring for their fur baby would have eased their mind. Your excuses are selfish, it was only 30 days (some of those are weekends!). You could have found a way to help if you wanted to, millions of people have animals, kids, and jobs. The kids would likely have even enjoyed the experience.