I’m a senior manager (40) in a small European tech company. Two years ago, we acquired a competitor of similar size. After integration began, responsibilities were split: I moved to a role focused on foreign subsidiaries, while a peer from the acquired company (former Sales Director) took responsibility for domestic operations. We also adopted their CRM system, and he was expected to transfer knowledge to me.
Our working relationship was competitive but functional.
One day, in front of several colleagues outside the office, he made a joking comment about me looking like a schoolboy because I was wearing a backpack. I didn’t respond at the moment.
After thinking about it for a day or two, I emailed him explaining that I found the comment disrespectful and asking for an apology. I also attached a ChatGPT conversation where I had described the incident and asked for an opinion on the behavior. He replied by downplaying it.
A few days later, I received an internal email from the CEO that was apparently sent to me by mistake. It stated that my email had offended my colleague, that he no longer wanted to work with me or transfer CRM knowledge, and that I would have six months to deliver CRM results in foreign markets or risk termination. It also said consultants would be hired to train me instead.
The CEO later called me, saying I wasn’t meant to see the email. We argued about whether my reaction was appropriate. The call escalated, and he raised his voice, saying I overreacted.
We met later; he apologized for raising his voice but maintained that I was in the wrong. I struggled with the situation, took sick leave due to stress, and ultimately left the company.
AITA for sending that email and asking for an apology?
I’m sorry that happened to you but I do agree that you’re a bit thin skinned. Learn to laugh at small things. I don’t want to call you an ah because you’re entitled to your feelings but it seems you’re the only person hurt by your request for an apology over a pretty harmless joke.
ESH. His so-called joke was uncalled for and in bad taste. That it took you a day or two to send your colleague an email demanding an apology suggests that you were overthinking the entire incident and couldn’t/wouldn’t let go of it. But that you ran a ChatGPT analysis and then sent it along with your email is way over the top.
A direct yet polite conversation with your colleague, immediately afterwards, would have sufficed.
You got into an argument with the company CEO, who had sided with your ex-colleague about your reaction. Then you got stressed. took sick leave, and finally left the company. All of this because you got offended about someone saying that you looked like a schoolboy because you were wearing a backpack! I do hope that, at least, you have a new job.
You asked an AI how to act in a social situation? YTA
YTA
While “the line” for workplace humor has shrunk considerably, seeing a colleague in a short sleeved white shirt and tie, pocket protector and backpack, and commenting about how he looks like he’s a schoolboy is still well inside that line.
Grow up. Adults poke fun at one another.
edit: For next time, go with the following response: “Yep – just got off school, and I can’t talk long because your mom is expecting me right away for a little ‘after school care’ if you know what I mean????”
An email explaining why you found the comment distasteful would have been appropriate. Demanding an apology and attaching a ChatGPT convo really made it weird. After reading the addendum about what ChatGPT said- that’s even worse. People need to stop using ai chat bots like their confidants and maybe be embarrassed to divulge that you did that instead of attaching it like it’s proof you were wronged.
YTA
ChatGPT (or any lang AI) will always support you. That doesn’t mean you are right, it means you asked a yes machine and — surprise, surprise! — it said yes.
The comment about you looking like a ‘schoolboy’ was mild at worst. Not hurtful, maybe pointing out that you don’t look 100% professional. Definitely didn’t warrant the response you had.
ESH – He shouldn’t have insulted you in front of your colleagues, but you could have handled it differently. Instead, you made a mountain out of a molehill by framing him as a bully and further implying that he might have psychological issues.
This sounds like something that would happen in middle school, not coming from a senior manager. All because he made fun of your backpack?
As a senior manager, you should be more level-headed than this.
Were there any paragraphs in the email you sent your colleague?
Yta.
You can’t even have a conversation about it? And your backup is some AI nonsense?
You realize if he tells anyone, you will be the little schoolboy joke of the whole company?
It’s hard to know without seeing the email. Certainly attaching chatgpt’s opinion was ridiculous and calls into question your judgement.
Being a senior manager requires a large degree of sound judgement. Email is probably the worst way to communicate a sensitive issue. I just don’t get why if you had not previously had issues with this guy did you not just speak to him privately. Sending someone an email demanding an apology and attaching chatgpt’s assessment of the situation is something my teenagers would do because they don’t have the life experience to know that is stupid. You have that experience, you have a senior position that requires sound judgement. Why did you 1) think email was the appropriate medium, and 2) include chatgpt’s opinion?
I’m not sure if your an A H but for anyone reading this, emails are the worst method of communication after smoke signals, get out of your chair and go have a conversation.
Over-react much? YTA for sure.
YTA
Using ChatGPT for that is extremely strange, and not something anyone would expect of a 40yo senior manager in a communications role… You showed everyone you were unsuited to your role, which led to the increased scrutiny.
AI chatbots are designed to agree with you… it saying that you’re right means nothing, but sharing it as some kind of evidence really shows your immaturity.
You also seem to have overreacted to a pretty harmless one-off joke… Sure, it’s not idea to joke at someone else’s expense, but your reaction seems, again, immature and overblown. Also not clear what kind of apology you demanded, public?
**EDIT: OP is totally delusional. Check out their comments on their other post:**
>*I had to leave because I asked the senior partner in the company to choose between me and the CEO. The CEO yelled at me during the aftermath of this situation because I wouldn’t admit that I reacted badly to the joke by sending an email with CGPT opinion on the matter and the qualities of the person who made the joke. This was also not the first time that he yelled at me during arguments, happened a couple of times over the years. Senior partner took CEO’s side* u/Particular_Dot_7606
Holy crap. You ruminated for days, used a chat bot for advice over your 40 years old life experience then ran crying to your boss, professionally involving him in something that took place out of the office, to make part of a company acquisition colleague say sorry to you, took stress leave and lost your job because someone made a “joking comment” about you wearing a backpack? See a therapist for your own good. YTA.
“ CGPT framed him as a bully a person with bad manner and even implied some potential underlying psychological issues he might have.” oof. that. that is not work appropriate. honestly, i can’t think of a place where it would be appropriate.
you sent him an email where a robot tried to diagnose him based on your perspective on one conversation you had?
and then you argued with your boss that that was appropriate on the phone afterwards?
asking for an apology would have been… a bit over the top, but something you could have gotten past. the email was much much too much. yowza.
yta.