My mom (50) and I (22) have always had a strained relationship, which she started when I was little. My whole life she took advantage of the fact that I was always on her side, since my biological father wasn’t around, and I always tried to stay close to my mom for fear she would leave, even though she openly hated me. My relationship with her fell apart a few days ago when she started telling everyone that I abandoned her to go live with my stepfather after she kicked us out, along with my little brother, whose birthday it was that day. We arrived with my stepfather to celebrate my brother’s birthday, but as soon as she saw him (they’re separated), she started making comments about him seeing a lot of women and being a drug addict, just to make him angry. He told me from the beginning that he was only there for my little brother, so he put up with it as long as he could. At one point, my stepfather went outside to talk to a neighbor, and my mom thought he was talking to her, but he just said, "I wasn’t talking to you." My mom got angry and started yelling at him to leave, saying that’s why she didn’t want him in her house, because she knew there would be trouble. My brother had been very happy all day; I hadn’t heard him laugh so much in a long time, but my mom told him to be quiet and that his laughter was annoying. Then my stepfather told me we should leave because he didn’t want to ruin my brother’s day any more than it already was, and since he was going to drive, I asked if he could take me too because I was with my cat and didn’t have money for a taxi later. My mom got even angrier about that and started saying I was betraying her by going with him. I told her I was doing it for convenience because I wouldn’t know how to get home later (we live 30 minutes away by car), but she wouldn’t listen. She yelled at me that she wasn’t going to pay me the money she owed me and that I should go live with my stepfather, since apparently the money he earned bought my loyalty. My little brother told her to stop acting like that, that we were still eating, but she told him to leave too, while she cleared the food off the table. I felt terrible because my brother had a really hard time last year because of my mom’s attitude and because she played the victim after my stepfather left her, and I only just saw him smile a little more at the holidays (he’s 12). Besides being frustrated, my mom made me spend my entire vacation pay because she couldn’t work, and she kept asking me for ridiculous things. She took advantage of my good nature and now she treats me like I’m the bad guy. I’m lucky if I have enough money to eat for a couple more days. Am I really the bad guy for leaving, or is she the one who’s wrong?
Strong NTA.
Your mother’s a textbook villain. Case closed. I shouldn’t have to explain why.
Damn your mom is only 22 and you’re 50? NTA it seems like she kinda sucks
What???
INFO the ages seem incorrect I presume your mom is 50 and you’re 22
nevertheless NTA
NTA
Also, if your brother is your step-dad’s kid, he needs to step up and have your lil bro living with him.
My brother lives with my stepfather, but during the holidays he went to my mom’s to spend time with her.
I’m glad he does. From this brief interaction, it sounds like he’s better off with Dad.
I think your mom has a few issues to deal with and the fact that she hasn’t is hurting her kids. Neither of you will be the AH whenever you choose to remove yourself from a time/place when she’s in this angry or hateful state.
Do make sure your brother knows he’s not the reason for these outbursts.
NTA your mom sucks. She took your brother’s birthday and made it all about her distaste for your stepfather. Instead of letting the child enjoy his day. Absolutely gross.
Screw your mother. I wish you could take your brother away from that situation. Where is his father?
NTA. Your mother is a troubled soul—I’m sorry. Leaving with your stepfather seems like a good move. Continue to seek stability and try not to be drawn into her chaos.
NTA. You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s your mom. I’m sorry
NTA Got a booklist full of reading about your mums behaviours.
https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/books/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1
NTA. Ask your stepfather if you can stay with him while you search for a roommate or apartment situation. It’s a good thing you got your cat out of there. Do not go back to your mother. She is abusive and manipulative, trying to guilt trip you into staying. She’ll continue her financial abuse if you go back. You are 22 years old. She can’t force you to live with her.