So there is a lot to unpack here.
My wife and I have been together for 11 years (dating 10 married 1) and her parents are in the process of a pretty messy divorce. Well her little sister will go out and hang out with her boyfriend and my wife wants us to stay at her mom’s house to make sure her mom is safe.
I told her I understand her point of view many times, and I understand that times are stressful for her family, I just wish I could sleep in my own bed more often and I may have rolled my eyes unknowingly.
The gut punch came when I realized she had been stalling to tell me today because “I didn’t want to disappoint you” or “I didn’t want to hear what you had to say about my sister”
I never want her to feel like she dreads telling me things.
And the comments I make about her sister about about how dependable she is (she will say something then do something else)
I like to think I’m a pretty emotional resilient guy, but that just felt like a gut punch out of no where.
My comment back to her, was “oh. Okay I understand, I didn’t realize that I was talking about her that much and I appreciate you being honest, I never ever want you to feel like that when you need to tell me something, that’s a sign I’m doing something wrong. I’m sorry.”
There wasn’t a fight, not an argument, but I can’t help shake the feeling that I was being a asshole about things and maybe I could have been more sensitive to the situation leading up to her saying that.
I guess I’m looking for advice more than anything?
INFO: Why can’t her grown adult mother be home alone? Is she disabled?
She’s afraid that her dad is going to come back and attack her. Even though we have changed the locks on all the doors and gotten a CPO
please take her fear very very seriously. Women die every day for leaving their abuser. And if your comfort is more important to you than her mother’s safety, you will have no wife if the worst happens and no one is there to stop it.
I do take her fear seriously. I really do. It was just a moment of frustration
tell your wife that, and maybe arrange a more comfortable bed for you both at mom’s? Locks and a CPO are useless if he is violent, nd your wife would know better than you what he is capable of doing.
I would like to suggest moving your MIL to an unknown location. Not with you. And you two being in MIL’s house does not ensure MIL’s security, but does endanger you and your wife.