I (21y.o. F) was asked today to be a flower girl for my sister “Sam” (26y.o. F)’s wedding in July. For context, I am also engaged, and she is my maid of honor. I was engaged in October, her in December. My wedding will be in October of this year. Obviously, her wedding, her wishes, I get that. I know it is more of a modern thing to have anyone of any age be a flower girl/boy/man/woman. But I truly feel like I will feel belittled or look stupid, or feel like a child. I would also not be the only flower girl. Sam wants my little sister (18) and our cousin (19 y.o. F) to be flower girls as well. I was another cousin’s flower girl when I was in 7th grade, and felt like a little kid then too. It’s not that I don’t want to support my sister, or not be in her wedding, but she is set that I am NOT a bridesmaid. WIBTA for saying no? This is my first Reddit post, so please let me know if I can clarify anything.
NTA, I mean, you wouldn’t be alone, but I feel like I would be uncomfortable as a flower girl at your age.
NTA. You have perfectly good reasons to not want to be a flower girl. No one is owed your presence in their wedding.
You can support her in other ways.
NTA, you have enough self respect to not take a roll you feel would belittle you.
I’d ask your sister what this would mean. She’s obviously including your other sister and a cousin. Maybe her bridal party is friends and too big, but she wanted you to be a part of the day.
Or has she been watching too many tik toks of flower men and flower grannies and wants to do something on trend?
NTA. It’s okay if you don’t feel comfortable, maybe she can find a different role for you in the wedding party maybe not. Its important you respect yourself and don’t feel bad for your choice
NTA – you’re allowed to decline any role you like. It’s not as though you’re not attending the wedding overall, you’d just be going as a guest instead. You can be polite about it and just let her know you’re not interested in taking on that role, but you’re happy to support her in any other way, and of course you’ll still be attending and supporting her marriage.
Maybe it could be fun? It also might be really beautiful to watch the women in your family tossing flower petals all around on your sacred day.
NTA. If your sister sees you as a child not an adult walk away. Time teaches us to be who and what we are. If she can’t see you for you other than a flower girl telling her to kick rocks is completely fine.
Make her your flower girl and see how she will react to that?
NTA and I don’t really understand why she’s so insistent on you not being a bridesmaid when she’s your maid of honor? I get she doesn’t owe you that but if I made my sister my maid of honor and she not only said I couldn’t be a bridesmaid but also wanted to make me a flower girl instead? My feelings would definitely be hurt.
UMMM….NAH/ESH?
So reasons I say NAH
This is a weird one. Look you are not the AH for feeling uncomfortable. That’s normal. Like you said that is a traditionally viewed as a younger role.
That said. She isn’t the AH either for asking. It’s not like she’s asking you to walk down the aisle with a 6 year old. She’s having you walk with your adult little sister and adult cousin. She has obviously transformed this role into a adult role.
ESH
She will be the AH if she discounts your feelings and doesn’t attempt to compromise on the very least the title.
You will be the AH if you drop out of the wedding just because she doesn’t give you the title of bridesmaid.
Advice?
Compromise on the title?
Why can’t you be a bridesmaid? At 21? Is this a thing?
NTA—I agree it’s a bit odd to ask your adult sisters and cousin to be your flower girls, rather than bridesmaids, if you want them in the wedding party. Especially since she’s going to play a much larger role in your wedding.
Go ahead and decline politely, but if she gets whiny about it, don’t let her drag you down to that level, keep it polite and adult.
Nta. It honestly sounds like she wants to give you, your sister and cousin a special role in her wedding instead of just having you be bridesmaids. There’s a way you can make it classy and not feel adolescent tbh but at the end of the day you can just tell her kindly that you don’t feel comfortable doing it.