throwaway because friends know my real account.
Basically the title, for context I am based in india so it isnt automatically a no brainer, my mother is a very spiritual person and went deep into the subject after her father (my grandfather) died. I am not a complete atheist but I do not believe the strict rules of religions (Deism is more closer than atheism).
Due to my beliefs I am not interested in learning religious songs or praises of gods (the "Hanuman Chalisa" in my case). This has caused tensions because me being the child of "hindu" not knowing the song by heart is an shame on me and her and causes frequent fights between the 2 of us.
This also led to her disallowing me to commute to my college with our 2 wheeler. This has caused my commute to go up in time daily from 30 minutes to 2 hours if using public transport and isnt any cheaper. The other option is to use privatized taxi options which is 6x times more expensive. We are NOT financially well off and my mother is very fine with me spending more money just to provide "consequences" to my actions
I’ve tried to learn the song to keep the peace but I can’t really because I cant be focused enough to learn it because the song brings up the conflict causing even more aversion. my brother is on my mother’s side 100% (father not in the picture)
I confided in a friend and he empathizes with me but doesnt agree that I should die on this hill.
AITA?
NTA, but it might be easier to just learn it. You’ve got 2 hours a day on a bus to practice.
So if you memorize a song, whether or not you believe in the lyrics, your commute will be easy and relaxed?
I can think of tons of secular songs that I know the lyrics of that I don’t believe in, why are you punishing yourself?
Weird hill to die on, i’d say YTA to yourself.
You should post this on an Indian sub as western culture is very clear that if you are an adult and still living with your parents and are financially dependent on them then you have to follow their rules else you should earn your own money and move out. So I guess a lot of comments will say you’re are TA for being entitled.
Ofcourse the social rules are different in India where in a lot of families, kids esp boys never move out. parents often financially take care of kids with the understanding that the kids will financially take care of them when they are old.
NTA for not wanting to give in to the manipulation.
That being said, do you have prospects to move out on your own? Is there the possibility of faking it until you graduate?
NTA, honestly it’s super unfair for her to put her spiritual beliefs on you like that, especially when it’s causing legit stress and unnecessary hardship in your life like, she’s gotta realize you’re your own person, right?
Not in India. Children are a direct reflection of their parents and any shame is deeply felt by the mother and extended family and even community.
OP is certainly being pushed to reject more than just the religion if the mom continues this path
NTA but if I were you, I’d weigh it up like this: is this a one and done? Or is it opening the door to your mother pushing other religious stuff onto you?
If it really is a matter of only learning one song, then it might be worth it just to get it out of the way. How you relate to the song in your own mind is under your control.
If, however, giving in this one time would only lead to an endless stream of demands to become more and more involved in her religion, with similar threats being used as leverage, then it might be worth it to pay the price this time (not being able to use the 2 wheeler) in order to nip things in the bud.
Can you learn it as a piece of art, literature, and music?
I am Jewish and live in a technically-secular but Christian-dominated culture, and one of the hardest things to grapple with is that a lot of Christian music is beautiful. For instance, “Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring” is one of the most beautiful pieces of music humanity has created.
And there is really good Christian literature — who doesn’t love *The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe*, for instance?
Would you be able to appreciate the hymn as a piece of art, and as a part of your cultural heritage without taking it on as a religious thing? And would that work for your mother?
NTA. Beliefs, especially those that are tied to religion, are something you have to work on and cultivate yourself. Everyone should make their own minds on what they think and what they want to do. If you live your life following what someone else told you to believe, then you’re doing wrong by you and by any religious belief you follow. I have yet to learn of any religion that says people should blindly follow what someone else wants for them (unless it’s some weird cult like the kool-aid one).
Up to you how you want to handle this. But you’re NTA.
You should repost this in the r/atheism sub. Their advice would be to be compliant and play along until you’re financially independent. Start working on your escape plan for full independence. Then you can be more open with your beliefs or lack thereof.
I’d say NTA from a Western perspective. But you either learn the song or else find a cheap scooter or motorcycle of your own so as not to use the one your mother controls.
It’s weird how many people are defending the mom and saying to just learn the song.
Would they be reacting the same if mom refused to let OP use the 2 wheeler unless OP *stopped* learning religious songs?
Mom is using financial coercion to force her religious beliefs onto OP. That’s shitty parenting.
NTA
NTA. but this is the time to pick your battles.So learn the song, get the ride back and get on with your life