\*Throwaway\*
As the title mentions, this is over something people might consider to be trivial. Here goes.
I have a toddler. Said toddler was inseparable from their dummy (pacifier) to the point we had to make them go cold-turkey.
I had many sleepless nights because the dummy was a vital part of their night-time routine, but any access to one would cause a world of chaos for us.
Long story short, it took us 1 month to fully wean and 3 months to get to the point where any stray dummies were voluntarily surrendered.
We have a baby now. Our toddler was great at handing the dummies to the baby without daring to put it in their own mouth. That was until my MIL babysat and we returned to find our toddler asleep with a dummy in their mouth.
My husband was furious and tried to explain what can of worms she had opened up for us. My MIL tried to explain that our toddler started to cry inconsolably (for reasons unclear) and because she doesn’t like crying, she gave them the dummy to get them to stop.
It has been a month since this incident. I am constantly having to hide dummies from my toddler because they will try to put them in their own mouth, steal them from the baby whilst they sleep, and scream relentlessly if they cannot have one.
My partner has been lamenting over my MIL’s actions and curses her under his breath every time we have to deal with a dummy related tantrum.
My MIL now wants to be able to babysit for us next week. My partner and I have said “No. Not after the dummy incident”. She is not taking this well and has told my FIL, GMIL and friends that we are punishing her for trying to get my toddler to stop crying.
We’re still not budging.
I don’t believe my partner and I are in the wrong for this. Perhaps others see it differently. AITA in this situation?
NTA, you worked incredibly hard to get your toddler to not only be okay not having a dummy but that they were OK not putting it in their mouth once the baby was born. And your MIL just set your toddler back. It’s not only unfair to diminish all the hard work you did but unfair to your toddler as well. She didn’t respect you and your rules. If she had so much trouble with the toddler, I’m sure you wouldn’t have minded a text or call from her with suggestions on how to manage your toddler that night. Instead she essentially stuck a dummy in their mouth to get them to stop.
It is exactly this. She could have done either of those things and chose not to. I think it is even more frustrating because we were gone for 4 hours and still local.
NTA: She hasn’t even acknowledged that she was wrong. If she doesn’t recognise her actions as a mistake, she will 100% do the same thing again.
NTA, not at all. Your MIL still hasn’t understood, apologized or indicated that she wouldn’t do something like that again. She caused you a world of hurt and without serious reassurances that she understands that she did wrong, you cannot trust her.
Plus, your toddler WILL do her utmost to get your MIL to give her a dummy again.
NTA. I’d be tempted to send MIL a dummy to stop her crying.
😂
I can’t get past the fact that she can’t handle it when they cry. That alone is enough not to let her babysit. She doesn’t have the ability to regulate herself well enough let alone a child.
The worst part is that my toddler and baby don’t tend to cry much. They’re pretty chilled.
She still hasn’t explained what set my toddler off that day.
That last part is scary. It would make me wonder what she did to set off the crying. It could be innocent enough, but my mind wouldn’t go there first.
Same. My mother used to pinch my baby brother’s arm to get people to let us jump a queue.
What the hell is wrong with people? “I am willing to hurt my child, in order to avoid a minor inconvenience.” What terrible parenting.
NTA and the fact that she’s telling people she’s being punished for “trying to get your toddler to stop crying” shows she doesn’t understand the problems that she caused and is not apologetic and will absolutely do it again. Protect your peace. Especially if she’s not a vital role in your day to day babysitting.
She couldn’t handle the crying for a few hours so she made sure you will have to deal with it for possibly months. I wouldn’t let her babysit til both kids were weaned off pacifiers.
Nope, NTA
This is a serious parenting issue. One where the ENTIRE parenting team needs to be on the same page. She just set your child back MONTHS of development. Wasted your sleepless nights weaning your toddler off the dummy.
It’s incredible that you had the toddler giving the dummies to the baby and not sucking on them at all. That your MIL sacrificed all of that for one easy bed-time is frustrating beyond all belief.
Tell her that you need to be a united parenting team if she’s going to babysit during these delicate developmental years. Basically, you need a special meeting where she listens to the entire saga, explains back to you why your choices and the weaning process are so important, and agrees to work exactly with your chosen parenting process for this and future issues.
Because there will be future issues. With the toddler growing up and the new baby just getting started, it would be great to have a loving MIL on the team. But only if she’s gonna ben 100% on the team.