I (32M) live alone. One of my close friends (31m, "Derek") has helped me out a lot over the years and I’ve helped him too. We’re genuinely close. About a month ago I had to travel for work for a week and I asked Derek if he could stop by my place a couple times to feed my cat and make sure everything was okay. He said sure so I gave him my spare key.
When I got back everything seemed fine. I thanked him and asked for the spare back, he handed it over.
Then about a week later we’re talking and he casually mentions like ots nothing that he made a copy of my key while he had it. His exact vibe was "just in case" He said he didnt want to lose the only spare while I was out of town and also since I live alone its smart for someone to have a backup for emergencies. He also said he meant to tell me about forgot.
That immediately made me uncomfortable. I’m not even saying I think Derek is planning to do anything shady but I didnt ask him to copy my key and now he has access to my place indefinitely. I asked if he still has the copy and he said yes but acted like I was being dramatic and said he’d never use it unless it was an emergency.
I told him I’m not okay with that and asked him to give me the copied key. He hesitated and said he didnt have it on him but he’d drop it off. A couple days go by and he doesnt. I brought it up again and he got annoyed and said I was acting like he broke into my house. He kept pushing the "it’s for your safety" thing and said changing the locks would be paranoid abd a waste of money.
What really tipped me over was I ran into Derek’s girlfriend at the grocery store and she joked about my cat. I asked how she even knew about my cat and she said Derek showed her a video from inside my apartment when he was feeding him. Thats not illegal or anything but it made it click that my place is being treated casually and I dont like it.
So I changed my locks. I told him afterward and I also told him I still want the copied key back even if it doesn’t work now because the whole point is I never agreed to him having it.
Now he’s mad and says that he was trying to be responsible and that I basically told him I dont trust him. A couple mutual friends think I’m being dramatic because "its Derek. Others think making a copy without asking is a huge boundary issue.
AITA for changing the locks over this?