I (30s M) live in Canada. I went no contact with my mom (60s F) a few months ago after years of ongoing family issues. Recently things escalated badly.
Context: my mom lives in the Philippines. I previously sponsored her under a parent super visa so she could visit Canada. During her last visit, we fought constantly. She kept saying I don’t spend enough time with her, that I go out too much, and that I prioritize my partner over her. At the time, I was (and still am) in a serious long-term relationship.
She repeatedly said she wanted to move in with me permanently because she’s getting old and “doesn’t know where to go.” I told her clearly that my partner would not be comfortable living with another person, especially long-term. My apartment is small, and we planned it as a space for just the two of us. I also told her honestly that if she moved in, my relationship would probably fail because the constant pressure, guilt, and conflict during her last stay already caused tension between me and my partner.
During her visit, she also showed controlling behavior. She constantly monitored security cameras back home to surveil my niece and would stay glued to her phone watching the feeds. She had emotional outbursts when I spent time with my partner and accused me of abandoning her. Based on how that visit went, I know living together long-term would be unworkable and damaging to my relationship.
She also has health issues, can’t handle Canadian winters (she could barely walk in snow), can’t legally work in Canada, and doesn’t qualify for health coverage. I told her all of this before she went back home.
Despite that, she keeps telling people she’ll “just work” in Canada (like at Domino’s or as a nanny) and believes that if she works there she’ll get a pension. None of this is true or legal.
A few days ago she escalated by contacting police for a wellness check on me (I’m fine) and messaging my old friends, who I already drifted away from for personal reasons. She also told my siblings her version of events. One brother got angry and cursed at me. Then everything suddenly went quiet; just that day of getting bombarded with messages and not a single thing after the following days..
I’m now worried she might actually fly to Canada around February. She knows my address because she stayed here before. If she shows up unannounced, I plan to not host her and tell her I can’t be involved because it would put both of us at legal risk if she tried to work while staying with me.
Some family members think I’m being heartless and abandoning her. I think I’m just refusing to sacrifice my relationship, stability, and legal standing for a situation I already said no to.
AITA?
You have siblings…..let them take her? Nta
They’ve offered to already. My mom has an infatuation of retiring and getting pension in canada, which is the reason she wanted to work here even if its illegal (which i also tried explaining that she cant get pension if she worked illegally)
Tell her if she shows up, you will call the police. Tell immigration she plans to live and work illegally in Canada and you won’t support her visa anymore.
Wanting to get pension after working illegally for few years (I assume she’s not young enough anymore to work for decades) is next level of delusional.
A good example of “That’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works.”
NTA. Is there any way you can cancel that visa?
I haven’t explored this yet but I’ll have to do more research
Did you help her get a visa? And yes, if you did, contact the authorities to revoke your responsibility and tell them that she’s threatening you with overstaying her visa. That will be extreme because they likely won’t give her another visa.
INFO: what was the duration of the super visa and is she still covered? (Idk why you didn’t get a visitor visa instead). One of the conditions of the super visa is that she have medical insurance from a Canadian insurance company that is: valid for at least one year from the date of entry and at least $100,000 minimum coverage, and have proof that the medical insurance has been paid, so if she has this, then the health insurance isn’t a big issue.
You can remove your sponsorship by contacting the IRCC and then she can’t come to Canada.
It’s valid for 5 years and allowed to be renewed for 5 additional years. It is a visitor visa, just special, for the lack of better words. The 1 year travel insurance is just for the time of application itself; anything passed that is optional. I got her the visa in 2022.
I did not know you can get my sponsorship revoked. But if I can thats probably my best option
Cancel your sponsorship of her visa immediately.
Before she reaches Canada.
This
I was going to ask if this was a possibility.
OP do this, fast.
I know of one Filipina who was deported from Canada last year and another who is being deported this month. We *do* deport people – we are just civilized about it.
They had been in the country for several years but didn’t look after their immigration status and were working illegally.
Your mother is unlikely to be able to immigrate to Canada because of her age and has zero chance without you sponsoring her. She cannot just fly here and work. She is out to lunch.
NTA for not wanting her to live with you. Be very clear she cannot stay with you. Ignore the noise from family- she can live with them.
You get to live the life you choose.
Eta: I didnt know what a super visa was. She has to have health insurance and again, it does not give her the right to work.
I would contact immigration to withdraw your support for this visa – it allows her to stay for years!