I’m using an alternative account as my family use Reddit.
So as the title says, my dad announced my pregnancy on social media on my 30th birthday. He posted a scan photo, and said how happy he was that I was making him a grandad for the first time. I was in the theatre when he posted it, so I missed it for a couple hours. I was completely shocked and distraught then to open my phone and to see my scan photo staring back at me. He didn’t blur out any of my personal information, he has a public page and hundreds (if not thousands) of friends. I’m not even on Facebook, but I saw the post on Instagram and know he cross shares. I immediately text him to tell him to take it down. He then calls me, raises his voice and said how I’d "told him he could tell people." For context, I told my dad he could tell his friends (in person!!) as I knew he was excited, but explicitly said we were not putting anything online, this is in a text message which I sent a couple weeks ago.
For additional context… We haven’t posted anything online ourselves or announced it in any way, and we likely won’t as we’re private people and big announcements aren’t for us. We’ve told our close friends and family in person, but we weren’t ready for the world to know. We have been very clear about our boundaries that we don’t want any images or our child online. Also, when we first told my dad we were pregnant (very early on) we did not want anyone else to know, as we have suffered a previous miscarriage. He then immediately went and told my brother, despite us not being ready for him to know. I forgave him for this the next day, and he just said he was just so happy for us he wanted to share the news.
Now since then, I’ve received a message from my dad saying he’s just a "very proud dad, it’s the happiest thing that’s ever happened to him," and he said he was sorry, with a sad face emoji. Then I’ve received messages from his partner saying how he’s "just proud," and he’s "silly and forgetful," and I really feel like I’m being guilt tripped into accepting it and moving on.
I haven’t spoken to them for the last couple days. I’ve needed space. As said previously, we have had a previous miscarriage, so we are very protective of this information (hence the anon account) and I feel so uncomfortable not knowing who knows. He’s friends on Facebook with people I went to school with that I haven’t spoken to for 10+ years. I know he’s taken it down, and I’ve had an apology, but this is the second time he’s shared this information when we weren’t ready for it to be shared and I’m struggling to move past it. And the responses from them have just angered me more, I feel like it’s really belittling how I feel about this, and making me out to be awful for not letting him share his happiness.
AITA if I need some time? And if moving forward I restrict how much information/images I share with him?
NTA. Sounds like it’s time for dear old dad to go on an information diet.
Sadly I think that’s the case
NTA
A scan is a picture of the inside of your uterus – it is for you to post and not someone else. Your dad needs to learn social media etiquette and NOW depending on how you want to share your life a parent on social media.
You forgave your dad and it’s fine to need some time, and it’s completely fine to restrict what you share with him going forward.
My inlaws put a picture I sent them of a scan of my latest pregnancy in their fucking Christmas newsletter without asking and did not actually mention my name! No apology, no acknowledgement, no questions, they just acted like it was theirs to share and I was just an incubator. I don’t send them as many pictures of my kids now as a result.
Thank you for saying this!! I feel like I’m being overdramatic for being so weirded out by the fact that it’s literally my body posted online, but I feel so uncomfortable. I know he’s taken it down now, but it was still out there.
Sorry this happened to you too. My husband and I have been discussing what we can/can’t share going forward. My dad loves social media, I feel like a bit of a show dog sometimes, but it’s just not us and we certainly don’t want our child being displayed like that.
NTA
Time for an information blackout for dear old Dad.
People like this will promise they will never ever ever do that again… then as soon as you give them something new they will post it because they like the dopamine surge, the attention from their friends, the feeling of being special because they get to announce it.
Let him know you won’t be able to trust him with images of his grandkid.
NTA, he can be happy and proud all he wants, but it’s not “silly and forgetful” to share YOUR medical records uncensored online without permission
Thank you!! And also my parents in law, and my mum (split parents) are equally happy and proud but have managed not to plaster it online. The silly and forgetful thing just makes me feel like I can’t tell him anything.
You feel that way because you can’t.
they’re downplaying the situation, and it sucks!! buying a snack you forgot you already had at home is silly and forgetful, not a breach of trust like this 🙁 i really hope this behaviour stops once the baby is born and he doesn’t begin to be forgetful and silly about internet safety regarding children
Yeah thank you for this. I think downplaying the situation just makes it so much worse too because I don’t know how seriously he will take what I’m saying going forward. The thing is, it’s not just my opinion and decision. This is my husband’s child too, and he’s very anti social media and posting anything online. It’s our decision together and that needs to be respected.
Tell him that.
Hey dad, I love that you’re so excited, we are too. But if being excited means that you forget to protect me and my information online, I’m heart broken to say that we’ll need to keep you in the dark with big news like this until we’re ready to announce. I don’t want to stress our relationship with asking you to do something that doesn’t feel right to you (keeping news like this to yourself or a couple of friends) and I don’t want to feel like my dads excitement has more weight than my safety online, so in the future, we’ll sadly just avoid this whole issue all together.
I promise this isn’t a “punishment” but it is something I, as a soon to be parent, have to get comfortable with. I am this child’s protector and that includes online. We’ll of course still be sharing happy news with you, we just can’t risk our information being spread before we’re ready.
I hope, as a parent, you can see where I’m coming from. I have to step up to protect my child, even if that means dampening your excitement.
I love you very much and I hope we can come to an understanding on this soon.
NTA
NTA. Filter for your Dad. With all kindness, for whatever reason, he’s not trustworthy. Don’t tell other people’s stories. Pregnancy announcements are sacrosanct. This breach is so very far across the line. Allow yourself time to forgive. It might take some years.
NTA. And now you know that if you don’t want the entire world to know something, you are not going to be able to tell your dad, or anyone who might tell him. You can’t tell him anything until you are ready to go public with it.