Today is my wife’s birthday and she is upset because I did not take a day off.
Background, which does not explain why I did not take a day off on her birthday or justify it, last year my wife did not take the day off of work for my birthday. Instead she worked from home and we had plans after work. It did not bother me as I took a day off of work just to think of something else than work and I like my alone time.
Fast forward to this year, we did not plan anything special during the day but we planned to go and eat out after the kids school finish.
Just for context, she told me almost a year ago that she wants the latest iphone for her next birthday, which is today. Turns out the phone she was using died few months ago and I therefore bought the latest Iphone as an early bday present.
Last weekend, I went for birthday shopping with my daughter and we picked up a perfume she rrally wanted and couple of other stuff tjat talloed at about £100.
We were planning to go to eat oit to a buffet restaurant with the kids, another 100.
I went to pick the kids from scholl at 4pm and i also picked a birthday cake on my way. When we came back home, I just had one more meeting to attend and then we could go out.
When my meeting finally finished (5.30pm) I signed off of work ( I WFH btw) and thought we were ready to go but found my wife in bed and she refused to go out saying I did not prioritise here on her birthday.
I tried to justify that I made some effort but all she could see was that I worked on her birthday. I know what I listed is all material but spending time in the restaurant, as we would have done did she not cancel, to me is spending time together a family.
Also, the day did not start too well as I thought she wanted a lie in, she was still sleeping when I got up, so I prepared the kids and sent them off to school but she was already annoyed and said it would have been nice if they say happy birthday before they go to school.
So AITA.
NTA, you are not a mind reader.
I-N-F-O: Did she ask you in advance to take the day off, or did she expect you to know that she wanted you to without explicitly asking?
Edit, based on reply: NTA. She didn’t ask.
The fact that she didn’t take your birthday off doesn’t much matter, because you didn’t care or want her to. What matters here is her failure to communicate. You can’t be expected to read minds. No fault of yours.
NTA, you followed her lead. Why is it ok for her to work on your birthday but not ok for you to work on hers?
NTA. From everything youve said we know she didn’t take off work for your birthday, and it doesn’t sound like either you regularly take off the others birthday before. So why should this be any different. You for her multiple gifts, a cake and had plans for dinner Im the evening. Im not seeing a problem here ither than your wife’s reaction and attitude.
She’s a grown ass woman not a 10 year old. Who still acts like that about a birthday as an adult.
Absolutely NTA. But your wife may have some underlying issues that upset her. Ask her what it is that is really bothering her, because you definitely have a communication problem…
NTA, I mean, it sounds like you had a pretty nice night planned out, got her very nice gifts, and handled parental duties during the day, like dropping off and picking up the kids. If it were my birthday, I would be pretty happy.
NTA, shes a grown woman, its a birthday, shes had lots, will have lots more. You bought her a new phone, perfume, other bits, cake AND made plans for a meal out. What exactly did she want you to do? Sit around doing nothing with her?
She spited her kids over this too! They were probably looking forward to going out and shes cancelled and having a tantrum. Grow up!
How old are we that a birthday is this important? You did all the stuff! Let her sleep in (check). Mind the kids off to school (check). Make dinner plans; no cooking for her (check). Gifts (check). Pick up kids (check). Cake (check). 🤦🏻♀️
NTA. She gotta speak on what she wants. Now, that said I hope you didn’t follow up her complaints with everything you did like here.
NTA
Your wife is being needlessly dramatic. This is 100% on her.
You did more than enough for her birthday. You put plenty of thought and effort into her birthday. In fact you did more than many a good husband would have.
Why are you being punished? Because you are not a mind reader. Call her out for that. Be clear that you aren’t and you will not put up with being punished for not being one. If she wanted you to take the time off, she should have asked for it directly.
Also tell her that she’s punishing the kids with her bullshit, which isn’t fair to them either. They were expecting dinner out at the buffet and cake after. Now they aren’t getting it, because she chose to be selfish and pouty.
DO NOT make the mistake of trying to make things peaceful with her. You HAVE to have the fight. She needs to understand just how unreasonable she’s being.
Good luck.
NTA. She acted like a real A. She hurt you and she hurt the kids.
Does she have an affair going on? Does she want a divorce? Ask her directly. Also ask her, “Did you take off for my birthday?”
NTA. Is your wife 12 years old?
Is she always this difficult and immature?
INFO: Had she told you what she wanted? Does she want similar things each year?
Based on what you wrote, NTA and your wife is acting like a brat.
Does she normally throw tantrums? Is she maybe in her 40s and starting perimenopause?
Is it even a “special” birthday, like something divisible by 10?
Whatever it is, there seems to be a “let’s give each other the benefit of the doubt” missing from your partnership.
She’s blowing this out of proportion, and birthdays aren’t a big deal anyway.
Snarky me thinks you could/should have printed a photo of the phone you bought her months before and said, “You’re welcome,” but obviously don’t do that.
You might ask her what’s really happening if this is the first time she’s made it such a big deal.
Your wife needs to grow the fuck up. This sounds like some high school stuff.