I (19f) have often been going to my friend (19f) house every weekend. a couple months ago she brought up to me that I should be by myself when I am angry or upset because I end up saying really hurtful things in the moment or our arguments. I’ve called her “selfish” and “manipulative“ multiple times which she says she has gotten very insecure about since her mom also calls her that. so I talk to my counsellor and started leaving early whenever I get upset and won’t talk to her for a few hours until I’ve calmed down. this past weekend my friend got mad at me for not wanting to order food to the point where she was giving me silent treatment for nearly an hour. so I decided to leave early to avoid conflict, when I told her she said I was a bad friend and “not letting her be angry”. I left early anyways because at that point my mom was already on the way to pick me up but she kept saying that as I left. am I an asshole for leaving her when she was upset?
NTA your friend can be upset with you, but when they don’t talk to you for an hour there is no point in your being there.
NTA. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation is not fair. She says you won’t let her be angry, but that’s the very thing she’s doing to you
I guess I’m wondering why you’re going to this person’s house every weekend if you fight so often that this is a recurring issue. ESH?
NTA, kinda sounds like she was having a moment and wanted you to either join her or comfort her.
A bit of general advice for if you ever have to walk away or go silent during an argument. It’s hard, but try to at the bare minimum say “I am mad, but I love you. I want to have a productive talk, but I need a moment,” then walk away. It makes coming back to the conversation much easier and less tense.
>I’ve called her “selfish” and “manipulative“ multiple times which she says she has gotten very insecure about since her mom also calls her that.
I think you may be burying the lede here.
Is your friend actually selfish and manipulative? If so, I question why you’re her friend. If not, I question why she’s your friend when you call her names like that.
In any case, it sounds like you both have some anger and control issues to work out, so ESH.
Why are you friends with this person? I never fight with my friends. If we have an issue, we talk it out. This doesn’t seem healthy for either of you. NTA but seriously consider if you keep wanting to be in the wrong no matter what you do
ESH why are the both of you getting so pissy on such a regular basis?
Silence is punitive. It’s not the way you treat a friend.
Instead of always leaving, you should be focusing on trying to learn how to talk through conflicts.
How are you going to be in a relationship? Honestly I believe it puts you in control of the whole weekend and that is not fair
Tell her you were doing as she asked. You were upset so you left to be by yourself. She can’t have it both ways.
ESH. Why are you even bothering being her friend? If she makes you feel this miserable, then leave this “friendship” of yours. You guys are both adults, grow up and act like it. Leave out people who are toxic in your life. You clearly are not healthy for one another.
ESH(?) neither of you know how to process upset. And neither of you should be fighting with each other to this degree constantly.
Are you friends because you actually like each other, or from force of habit because you’ve known each other from school?
Really have a think about what constant fighting brings to your life.
She doesn’t* like being called selfish and manipulative because she is selfish and manipulative.
Sounds like you both agreed that you need to leave the situation if you feel upset. But what did you both agree on if she feels upset? You both need to learn to communicate better and maybe try to figure out why you are getting angry every weekend????