I (44) married my husband (47) over 15 years ago. We both came into the marriage with 2 kids each, his oldest is 29 now I will call him Jim. Jim and his wife Joy had a set of twins almost 2 years ago the babies ended up spending about 6 months in the NICU a little over an hour way from home. Jim and Joy also have 3 older kids, while Joy spent her days and nights with the babies. I would go over and see her and the babies, we also kept the older kids a few times. When the babies came home I started taking Joy and the babies to their doctor’s appointments because Joy is not comfortable driving on the interstate. I have been doing this for about 18 months, I never ask for gas money. In August my son, Teddy (20), moved to the city where we take the babies to the doctors. One of their appointments was in December and I wanted to stop and see Teddy for just a few minutes, not even get out of the car. When Joy told Jim we were stopping at Teddy’s, Jim started loosing his mind talking about she was cheating on him. We know Jim has mental health issues but he had her balling. I got on the phone and told him to back off, she hadn’t done anything wrong. So he started in on me saying that he wouldn’t let me see the kids anymore. Then started asking questions about mine and his dad’s relationship that is none of his business. I have decided to stop helping them so much because of the way Jim treats everyone.
Sooo no NTA, if you don’t want to help Jim out you have every right now to. But try to keep an eye on Joy if you can…I know this is only a tiny glimpse into their relationship but it was enough to make me worried for her.
But, again, if you feel like you can’t do it you wouldn’t be an AH.
NTA, but your daughter in law is suffering now. Jim might be an asshole manipulator, but Joy is definitely grateful for your help. I think you should communicate to Joy how you’re feeling
NTA, and I totally understand your position, but Joy’s husband has mental health issues, and takes it out on Joy. Imaging having to live with someone like that, when you’re exhausted from having to raise 2 little ones. You may be the only support for her and the children.
Joy has 5 children, 2 of whom have medical issues. Her husband has mental health issues and is, at the very least, verbally abusive and controlling.
And your response is to simply abandon Joy and the children??? What kind of person are you??? She needs support, not further isolation. If anything, help her get the services she needs.
YTA!
This is beyond Reddit. The question is whether she and babies are safe.
You and your husband need to help joy get away from your stepson. He’s abusive and if this is what he does in front of you, I can’t imagine what happens behind closed doors.
This OP. Only god knows when he ll decide twins arent his…
He talks about them being his, they are his doubles
That’s really possessive and sounds like even more of a reason to get her and the kids away from him
NTA for cutting Jim off, YTA for cutting Joy out of it. She still needs help, especially since her husband is like that. Joy did nothing wrong.
This is way beyond reddit. Jim is more than just unwell. Joy and the children may not be safe.
Both Joy and Jim need help. Jim needs a chat with his psychiatrist at the very least, Joy needs to feel safe and needs support with her small children.
I am deeply concerned about her. She isn’t safe right now. Your grandkids aren’t safe right now.
As a child of a mentally ill parent, what you need to do is talk honestly with Joy. If he’s having these kinds of outbursts in front of their children, THOSE CHILDREN NEED TO BE AWAY FROM HIM! Even if he’s never laid a hand on them, those kinds of outbursts from a parent can give a kid nightmares for the rest of their lives.
Please. Be the kind of grandparent I wish my grandparents had been. They excused my mother’s behavior and left us in a dangerous situation for far too long. When my father finally left my mother with us in tow, they blamed us for deserting my mother and didn’t speak to us for years.
Jim and Joy’s children are the most important people in this equation. They deserve a safe home…. even if that home is away from your stepson.
Encourage him to get the help he needs to get healthy so that he can be there for his kids.
The only person you’re punishing here is Joy. You need to remain in her life as a safe person because she will need to escape her abusive spouse at some point, and there’s grandbabies to consider.
In the middle of dad’s mental health crisis is not really the best time to bail on your grandchildren. Sounds like Jim could be irrational and a danger to Joy and his kids. Where is your husband to deal with his son?