my bf and i live in the same city but a good 45 minutes from each other. neither of us can drive and we are both tight on money and also busy rn so it’s hard to travel. we take turns travelling, sometimes he comes close to where i live and sometimes i go close to where he lives, and every time i go to where he stays we typically meet at his house. i don’t live alone, so when he comes to meet me we meet outside. he works not too far from where i live and i’ve taken some time off work right now so i’m free, i suggested that we meet close to his workplace in the evening after he’s done because i figured it’ll be easy for both of us. but he said he would be tired and that he would rather go home and have me travel 45 mins to an hour to come meet him close to where he lives.
honestly, i didn’t want to do that. it’ll be late in the evening by the time we meet considering how long it’ll take for me to travel and get there. i know he won’t stay for long either (which is fair because he’ll have to go to work the next day). i said no i don’t want to come, i’ll come there during the weekend when well have more time together and it’ll make sense for me to travel that far. i suggested well meet close to his workplace during the week if he wants to, but if he’s tired we could just meet during the weekend. he was annoyed by this and said it’s not fair for me to not meet him close to where he lives during the week, and that when i ask him to meet close to where i live he just comes and doesn’t make it a big deal. i was only speaking logically and honestly it also pissed me off a little that he didn’t just want to meet after work when he works so close to me, but okay fine if you’re tired you’re tired. but i felt it was unfair of him to ask me to travel so far and meet him during the week when there’s an easier option to meet close to his workplace right in front of us, i said if he doesn’t have to do that i’ll just come over to his side of the city during the weekend.
also from my perspective we travel an equal amount to each other’s side of the city but he says because i meet him at his house (where he calls me btw) it doesn’t count. which is wild because it still costs me time and money to travel and go to his house😭 am i overreacting here? should i just go meet him during the week? i’ve taken time off of work so i’m not too busy for it but it’s just the expense id rather not bear when there’s an option to meet close to his workplace.
Are you honestly sure that you’re really in a relationship at this point?
NTA. Is there a reason he does not want you to be seen by his coworkers?
NTA. you’re being totally reasonable and practical. you’re not saying you don’t want to see him, you’re just saying a late 45–60 min trip on a weekday for a short hangout isn’t worth it, especially when there’s an easier option or the weekend. that’s just common sense. also him saying it “doesn’t count” when you go to his house is ridiculous asf. you’re still spending time and money to get there. that effort doesn’t disappear because it’s his place! looks like he’s the asshole here lol
he says it doesn’t count because it’s added incentive for me as i get to sleep with him when i go there but he doesn’t get to do so when he travels to see me🤪🤪
Ew that comment from him is pretty gross. It feels like he’s telling you what he’s more interested in
So you get to spend time and money to sleep with him? Oooh what a prize you won..
Wow he sounds like such a nice guy /s
This isn’t about him being tired then. He wouldn’t be traveling more to meet you near his work, but he wants you to travel back and forth so he can have sex.
Long distance relationships put such a strain on relationships – oceans apart
I don’t think YTA but I also don’t think a 45-60 min journey is worth this drama from either of you, as personally I wouldnt call that very far away (I was exactly the same distance with my partner, also on opposite sides of the city before we moved together)
NTA. He’s already there! He won’t be any less tired if he goes home and you “follow ” him there and it will be a waste of resources, when you are both tight.
Propose him a lunch date (even if picnic style). You still see each other close to both of you are. Leave the bigger travel to the weekend.
If he doesn’t agree… it’s time to be single…
If your bf is only concerned with hooking up and doesn’t value the time you guys spend together outside of that, this is the real problem.
I get that sex is a fun and important part of a relationship, but it shouldn’t be the foundation of it. If he’s not willing to hang out with you after work because it means he won’t get sex, then that’s the issue. If he’s doesn’t count coming to you as taxing as you coming to him because you can have sex at his place, then that’s an issue. He should still value seeing you even when sex is not involved or he doesn’t really like you much.
Where does it say that?
Break up and both of you find people closer.
So let me get this right in the evening he doesn’t want to meet you after work where you are close together but he wants you to travel nearly an hour to his, spend an hour then travel nearly an hour back? NTA either wait until the weekend or bow out of this relationship