My bf’s family gets together a lot for meals, we got invited to his family cookout and I don’t eat beef (it’s just a preference) but I offered to bring something for myself so they wouldn’t have to go out of their way to feed me, and I still wanted to go and join my bf’s family as they’re still getting to know me, I showed up to the cookout.
as soon as I sat down my bf’s mom walked up to me and said “why don’t you eat beef?” And I said it just was a preference and it is harder for me to eat, and she said “okay I guess we will have to stop calling you a bitch now, we all were talking about how you won’t come to any future family events cause you don’t eat beef and thought you were bitchy” I was so shocked to have this said so directly to me with a straight face… it wasn’t even jokingly and she even repeated it when another family member appeared she told them “we can’t call her a bitch anymore because she just doesn’t like beef”.
She “apologized” to me after my bf called her out she said “sorry you are not used to my assertiveness” and continued on like nothing happened, she continues to say assumptions about me that cause drama..she constantly asks others questions about me and then makes up her story and then I have to debunk it and she’ll brush it off and change the subject
I had already felt unaccepted by his mother but that interaction and her other actions are sticking with me, cause I’ve never said anything about not participating in family gatherings/events, I’ve been trying really hard to build a connection with my bf’s family, and he is hurt because he really wants me to join in family activities but now I no longer want to because it’s always uncomfortable, and I especially don’t want to be alone with her, AITA?
NTA – she probably doesn’t like you
Why does your boyfriend keep taking you around people who comfortably and openly disrespect you?
You’re NTA but the same can’t be said for him and his mother
And why is he not leaving immediately after hearing this? He’s only got your back halfheartedly.
NTA. not even a little. your boyfriend’s feelings matter, but so do yours. wanting you to participate in family events is understandable; expecting you to tolerate disrespect to make that happen is not. this is where he needs to step up consistently, not just once, and set firm boundaries with his mother if he wants a healthy future with you.
NTA. If your bf is hurt that you wont come to the family events, then he should have a conversation with his mom about why she’s alienating and insulting his girlfriend.
Look here girlie. Your BF is a shit man. Your BFs mom is a shit mom. Is this the in-law family that you want?
Is your boyfriend so enmeshed with his mother that he approves of her calling you a bitch in public? If so you have a boyfriend problem. He should be defending and protecting you, not whining that you don’t want to be around his horrible mother.
She is a massive AH and yes: avoid her . Unfortunately idk how old are you but trust me : mothers like her will make your life a living hell. Good luck
You know you can walk away from this relationship, right? This is only the beginning. It’s only gonna get worse, wedding, babies….
‘You marry the family’ is a true statement.
I really hope OP reads this message. I’d be super pissed off if my SO was such a pushover.
NTA
Some moms don’t realize they cannot, in fact, marry their own sons.
Whose side is your boyfriend on? If he says his mother is terrible and he’d rather be with you, then your relationship has a chance. If he asks you to “keep the peace” or “try to understand her” then run away as far and as fast as you can because it will never get better.
What if
– you end up having kids with him
– and you’re stuck in a lifelong. multiple decade. struggle. to get her to not call you a b in front of your kids
– and you consistently lose that battle because she calls you a b in front of your kids anyway
– and you fight with your husband every time she disrespects you, for years and years
Is that the life you want?
NTA. Assertiveness? No. His mother is bad mannered and rude. Not assertive. Your boyfriend can aim his hurt feelings towards the person who made the situation untenable. His poorly raised mother. If not, you may need to rethink this relationship. My husband would never allow his mother to call me names, *ever*. Protecting your partner is the *bare minimum* of relationship standards. Your boyfriend is falling short of bare minimum.