AITA, sorry for Grammer and spelling im just dumb
i F (21) my mom (63), my mom and I have always had lets say a complicated relationship we fight often and dont always see eye to eye, im on the autism spectrum and she dosent understand that I cant just turn that off in her words she’s tired of seeing my "blank face"
Now what happened
I work at a bookstore (wont say which for privacy reasons) and I have worked very hard to be there, slowly climbing the ladder there I was a seasonal to a floor worker now im being slowly trained to be a manager which im very proud about, the world isn’t build for neuro-spicy people like me
Anyways we had a huge in-store event with a author and a book signing a few days ago. it was high emotions and very stressful due to the subject of the book. (Again wont say due to privacy)
I was working at the front door greeting people as they came in and waiting with one of my newer managers so we could formally greet the author and their family and keep things running smoothly
Suddenly I meet my mother eyes, my brother is stood there with her right at the front of the store. My heart drops to my stomach and i rush over and this is where I might be the asshole,
without saying hello I anxiously say "we have an event today" with a very forced smile
She responds taken aback "well you could at least say hi mom how are you"
I respond panicked again "hello, we have a big event today" she glared at me for a moment and turned on her heels and walked out of the store without saying another word my coworkers watched this unfold I felt so embarrassed
I knew the author was supposed to be arriving incredibly soon so I was very rushed with her
I immediately texted her and explained the situation and apologized. She has yet to text back
A little more context i have explained to my mom many times I get anxious when she’s in the store, even when my close friends are in the store but especially her. I know its just a bookstore but its still my job and I work really hard
But when she comes to "vist me" its a whole deal she wants me to drop whatever im doing and talk to her for a while, hug her greet her everything and introduce her to my coworkers and also chat with her and them, she will even tell random customers that im her daughter, The first time she visited my store she told my head manager that i was scared of her, who does that?? It was my first job and i was just nervous around my managers
I realize I sound ungrateful but its my work she never visits my brother cuz he works construction and at most she will just drop by to bring him food
So am I the asshole?
Ill update if she ever texts me back
Nah I totally get it.
I’m on the spectrum too.
If she wasn’t your mother, just a normal customer, she’s just rude.
You’re separating your work/professional self and you’re family self. That’s totally understandable. Your mom sucks
NTA for standing up for yourself
NTA. She could see you were busy (and if she really didn’t notice, you told her you were busy coordinating something big), and it’s unfair of her to expect you to drop everything and introduce her to everyone while you’re working an important day. It’s not a break time, you don’t get time off for socialising, and she didn’t ask you if it was convenient to come and interrupt. It sounds like she just fundamentally doesn’t respect your workplace or the work you do.
Also, you didn’t kick her out. She chose to leave (and quite frankly, thank goodness for that!).
Set a firm boundary. Let her know you are there to work and that her randomly showing up is not in the plan going forward. I hate to say it, but it sounds like she is trying to sabotage your employment.
NTA.
NTA
This doesn’t even have anything to do with being on the spectrum imo. Your mother is rude and she shouldn’t be coming to workplace and it looks like she’s trying to sabotage you. If you were quite dependent on her previously this might be why she’s doing it and doesn’t like that she doesn’t have as much control over you.
Well done for standing up for yourself and just ignore her. She wants you to pander to her!
I work from home, and have for almost 4 years. During the first year of my position with my job my mom kept showing up throughout the day expecting me to be able to just stop what I was doing and chat with her. I accept inbound live calls all day long, I do not have time to stop my customer, and talk with my mom because she showed up. At first it absolutely broke her heart every time I turned her away. We finally had to sit down and I was very blunt with her about my role and what I needed from her during my work day if she showed up she would not be allowed to speak with me, or even come in my office. She has finally understood and respects my work hours.
NTA
I have family members who do this too, wherever I was working, the supermarket when I was in high school, at a supermarket deli after high school, when I worked construction they wanted me to leave the site and come over to “have lunch” or would drive to the site and sit in the car honking until I stopped. When I was a teacher at a High School, would want to come in at their lunch time, not mine, to “have lunch” and “meet the kids” and introduce themselves as the relationship to me. It was not my mom but instead of saying Jane Doe, my family member would only refer to themselves as mom. Not No\_Midnights mom, just mom. And no I did not let them come and visit me at the school or meet the kids this is not 1950, you can’t just walk into a school.
I have two family members who do this and the more aggressive one often tried bring my hebe/ehebe uncle, which no. I told her I would call the police. He/They came to visit my mother at her school (also a teacher) and she had the school resource officer (a cop at the school) walk him out and watch him to the gate. I meant no as I would not allow him on the grounds much less to meet my non-verbal students. They get good lawyers and he keeps taking pleas so he’s not on the list. Also I hate him.
They would also be super religious and preach to people.
NTA. Wow. My son is on the spectrum and I can not believe that your mom would do this. The last thing I ever want to do is arise my son’s anxiety. He feels things so intensely. You handled this so well, and you’re doing great. You mom is not being appropriate AT ALL. And please — you are anything but dumb. You don’t work your way up the ladder the way you have if you are dumb. Good luck to you, and I’m sorry about your Mom.
NTA. You didn’t kick her out, unless there’s something missing here. You told her that there was an event and she chose to turn around and leave.
Being that anxious around your mother says a lot about her and how she treats you.
NTA. Your mother is overbearing and this would be embarassing and problematic for a neurotypical person, and you’ve got extra spicy sauce AND issues your mother has with that to deal with.
The way to put this here might be to talk to a supportive manager about how your mother acts and makes you feel when she comes in. Tell the manager that you’re going to ask her to leave you alone if she comes to the store when you’re there, and that it’s because of the optics of professionalism. You can’t leave what you’re doing and talk to her. You can socialize with coworkers with her. These are all unprofessional. Your manager doesn’t have to do anything other than agree with you here, and be willing to bring it up if you need a rescue, maybe.
NTA.
She sounds like a bit of a bully in this story also you did not kick her out of the store (as per your title) she turned and walked out.
You were at work, she came in, made a scene and treated you like a child. Just because you work in a shop doesn’t mean it’s appropriate for her to drop in all the time.
If you are proud of your work and how you are gaining experience then don’t let her bring you down. Be proud!
Set a firm boundary with her and let her know she can’t
You handled it very well. The only time I have ever gone to my daughter’s work was when she asked me to pick up lunch for her. She works in a hospital and sometimes it’s hard to get away. I let her know when I get there so she can come to the front of her area. I drop it off and leave immediately. I don’t expect to be introduced or to talk to her co-workers.
My kid is going n the spectrum…this has nothing to do with that. Your mum is just rude af. NTA
NTA- no need for your mother to be there
Mom, work is not a place for visits. Chatting with my mother is not what Bookstore is paying me to do, and if they see me doing that, it could put my job in jeopardy. Edit to add NTA, not at all.