Small context, my dad has liver cancer and my brother and I have been staying at their house so we can help take care of both him and my mom.
So, I (F26) got my brother (M29) a brownie for his birthday cake. My brother has always hated cakes because they are too sweet for him. I always feel bad whenever we’d get a cake for him and we eat it with him getting none cause ya know, it’s his birthday! I figured this year I’d get a shareable brownies where they were precut and proportioned.
His birthday came and I was going to give it to him that day but he dipped out with his gf so I had to wait the next day. We get him, so happy birthday and he runs off again cause some reason. The brownie sits. It sits for FIVE DAYS and not once does he touch it. This I know I’m an AH for, and I take that fault but I said fuck it and took a brownie. At that point I was kinda sure he didn’t want it for some reason as he has a history of being given stuff he likes and just leaving it to sit. (Cinnamon rolls, cookies, so on that isn’t fudge or cake)
I do this at night and I went to bed, woke up went to work. I get a text from my dad asking if I ate the brownie, I say yeah. I get a text from my mom cause she heard some arguing downstairs, asked if I ate a brownie and I find out that my brother got upset with my dad because he thought he ate it. Upon finding out it was me he texted asking if I ate it, I said yeah. He asks “why, was it yours?” I respond with “I got it for your birthday so we can eat and celebrate together. I’m sorry for eating the brownie before you did, I’ll get another one to make it up” I think that’s it. NOPE! Apparently he wasn’t upset that I ate it before him, he was upset that I ate it in general. I know so because he responded with “that’s not the point”. I say I’m sorry again I think “ok maybe he’ll eat it now and we can all eat it like I planned”nah.
It has been sitting for another 3 days now, and I mentioned that it was going to go bad soon if it wasn’t going to get eaten and he got very upset. He went on about how it was his brownie, that I had no right, so on. I AGAIN point out that I had gotten the brownie in place of a birthday cake because I wanted us to eat and celebrate together. He didn’t care and just told me to eat it, for everyone to eat it and grumbled about how unfair it was.
So, I asked you all. AITA?
The reason why I think I might be an asshole is because I already know I was in the wrong for eating a piece before him, but now I wonder if just eating the thing in general was really that bad.
Edit to add(not that I think it’ll change much): the brownie was to act as an equal to a birthday cake, which as far as I’m aware/in my house we always share our birthday cakes unless we specifically tell someone “hey this is just for you”
Secondary edit!: to clarify, the brownie was NOT his birthday gift. If it was then that’s a different story entirely. His gift was tickets to see Ironlung together the day before his B-day, but due to work screwing him over we ended up not seeing it. His current gift (which hopefully will be coming tomorrow, deliveries were delayed due to the amount of ice/snow where I am. He knows/knew I was getting him a make up gift and it was coming) is going to be a Law figure (One Piece)
OK, I’m gonna be the oddball out here and say YNTAH. He left that brownie set for five days. Sorry about your luck and you didn’t eat it all you ate a piece of it. He’s TAH for not eating it with you. It was for his birthday and he kept taking off. But it’d be a cold day before I bought him another one.
NTA. You bought it for everyone to have at his birthday celebration and he dipped out twice. He then continued to ignore it for days. If he’d wanted it, he would have eaten it. You paid for it and I don’t blame you for not wanting your money thrown in the trash. Next time I would suggest just sticking it in the freezer so it won’t go bad AND he can’t get mad about someone else eating it.
How long do brownies last? Because, we get my momma nothin bundt cakes minis and by day 3, she wants us to eat them all up. So, at day 5, it’s free for all (at least in my house). NTA.
ESH. Dude, he’s almost 30 and you’re in your mid 20s. Talk to each other.
How hard would it have been to say “hey, got a brownie for your birthday cake this year. When do you want to celebrate?” Schedule something. Even if it’s just everyone eating dinner together and then having brownie.
If that plan was made then he’d be TA for skipping out on it and you wouldn’t be TA for eating it without him. As it is it’s weird he’s so possessive over a desert that’s supposed to be shared. Nobody gets the entirety of their birthday cake, it’s for everyone. That makes him an AH.
Plans were set. Originally they were going to see Iron Lung, but the brother’s work got in the way. And this is an annual dessert tradition where no cake is bought, but a dessert is still shared. And the brother intentionally dipped on the plans twice to be with his girlfriend. OP has another gift coming in and bought a second brownie, both to make up for the first gift lapsing and for OP eating the brownie. But the brother is allowing that brownie to go bad too. It’s just a control and possession thing. It’s gross behavior.
OP waited to the last second, literally at night, to eat five-day old brownie. And apologized, and bought a second now-going-bad brownie. Brother is just being an AH.
Nta….why waste money especially if it just sat there…
If I was you I wouldn’t get him anything else
NTA
He’s acting like he wants to sit and not-eat this brownie and let it go to waste for what purpose?
NTA I hate wasting food and money on food, besides it sounds like you only ate a piece of it not the whole thing
Nta. Don’t bother getting him anything for his birthday then. Get him a card and a gift certificate for a place to eat he likes. Wasting sweets is a crime to me, and brownies and cakes after a week would be stale and just a nope for me. If he was soooooooo concerned about it he should have eaten it in the first few days you bought it especially if you’re sharing it with the family
I mean, it wasn’t his, right? You didn’t buy it for him, you bought it for you all to share while celebrating his birthday. If I’m you, I’m mad at him because I can’t even imagine someone trying to celebrate my birthday with a birthday cake and we don’t cut and share it that very moment, like what?? Birthday cakes aren’t gifts to the recipient to like use whenever or take with them to go share with other people, they’re desserts for a celebration that is happening the moment you give it to him. NTA
NTA
1. This is not a bottle of liquor that he can keep for years if he’d like (and not necessarily share in celebration of his bday). This is food that was (1) meant to be shared by the family – not a gift for brother’s sole consumption and (2) going bad with each passing day.
2. Your brother is allowed to have his quirks about keeping food that he doesn’t actually eat, but that doesn’t excuse him for actually being really rude to you and your parents.
\– You made an effort to celebrate his birthday with something you thought he would like. He completely ditched you and your parents and allowed no opportunity to celebrate with him for FIVE DAYS. How RUDE! His gf was a higher priority for him, OK. What else was so much more important to him than giving his family 15 minutes of his time to share a joy with him?
\– Your dad has cancer. CANCER. I wouldn’t be surprised if your dad has a lot of days where he doesn’t feel like eating or eating much or get much joy out of eating. (1) Brother ASSUMED dad ate some brownie and (2) gave the man GRIEF. Wow. Just wow.
\– Now, you didn’t eat the whole thing; there was plenty left to actually still celebrate. There was plenty left for your brother to eat. But he STILL couldn’t care less to spend 15 minutes with his family. And for all his raging around, he didn’t actually want to eat any of HIS (precious? or not?) brownies for another 3+ days.
\– And, he’s still whining about how ‘unfair’ it was. WHAT the heck was unfair? He could have had the brownies ANY time he wanted. He could have eaten as much as he wanted. He CHOSE not to. You ate brownies that were going stale and offered to buy him fresh brownies. Again, he CHOSE not to accept.
My gosh. This guy is 29 years old and seems to be going through the terrible twos. He refuses to be happy with anything.
Stop apologizing. If this is some very misdirected way your brother is grieving for your dad’s cancer or for brother giving up his normal routine to stay and help your parents, then he needs to process his feelings. He’s not helping anyone if he’s this hot and irrational about food he doesn’t want to eat and letting go stale.
If it is some form of grief, then of course you can give him grace. If this is how he can just be (about food or in general), then (1) don’t go out of your way to buy him food again, (2) if you do buy him something for his bday or a holiday, then just hand it to him for him to enjoy/waste/whatever on his own. No need to put any effort into celebrating anything with him when he clearly cares so little for celebrating with you/your parents. If he wants to do something, then he can arrange it; you can show up or not as you are willing/able.
NTA excuse me??? you essentially bought him a birthday cake and he (1) bailed on the plans it was for and then (2) ignored it for almost a week. i dont even think youre the asshole for eating a piece after 5 days, he clearly wasnt going to. it wasnt a present, it was a dessert to share to celebrate and he decided not to attend. not your problem, he has forfeited his claim to it at this point.
The brownie is large and shareable like a birthday cake? And he ghosted his birthday celebration multiple times? And you ate a “slice” of the “cake” that you got for him? The slice you would have had if he hadn’t ghosted?
If that’s right, then there is an AH here, but it isn’t you. What an asshat.
NTA
That wasn’t his gift and you should probably edit the post to clarify what his actual bday gifts were.
But he’s way older and throwing a piss baby fit about food he was never going to eat and wasn’t intended solely for him. It was a “this is for everyone” food. And you ate it because no one else was. I’ve done that. Hell, I’ve done that with food offered to me where, when I wasn’t sure if I could still eat it because someone was upset with me, I didn’t touch it till the last possible moment. And the person did get angry and upset, bitching to my dad about it. He told them “Did you say he could have it? Then why are you mad when he did? He gave you ample time to eat it, and you let it sit because you already gave it to him to eat. You can’t have it both ways and waste food to be a dick.” His words, not mine.
In this instance OP, you caught a crowd of people who are a tad holier than thou and possessive. But especially in this economy, food waste is awful and waiting for someone who is ungrateful and intentionally creating distance while avoiding familial celebration of *themself* is ridiculous.
Don’t buy him anything ever. I wouldn’t even go through with the birthday gifts. And if asked just say he proves time and again he’s not grateful for your efforts and just wants to waste your money and the food you buy to share.