Hello everyone. So for context, this house belonged to my great grandfather, then my grandfather, then passed down to me (40M). I bought it for 1/3 of the price when my grandfather passed away. I wanted my mother to buy it first but she said no and suggested I buy it so it could stay in the family, so I did.
The house is worth quite a bit. I won’t give specifics but enough to retire on if I sold it. Well right now the house is kind of just sitting there. It’s more of a vacation house really. It needs some fixing up here and there but nothing too bad, but still quite a bit to cringe a little.
I would really like to sell it, but when I brought the subject up to my mother she disliked the idea and said that it’s been in the family for a long time and that we can’t sell it. We offered to sell it to her, but for the price that I bought it at only. She has not pitched in for any renovations or anything related and even mentioned that she expects us (my wife and I) to maintain it in all aspects.
I can understand why she would ask to buy it at the price I bought it but at the same time, it’s worth so much more now. Especially since I did pay for some modifications already. Not to mention the location. (It’s by a body of water. Like right on the water)
TBH I feel like I bought it out of obligation. My mother’s dad had just passed and I felt like I was put in a position where I couldn’t say no. Yes I know I could’ve but it was a difficult time then.
So AITA if I sell the house?
TLDR: AITA for selling family house and not selling it to my mother for 1/3 of the price?
Edit: when I said I bought the house at 1/3 of the price what I meant was that I paid off the rest of the mortgage from my grandfather, and it just happened to be 1/3 of what it’s worth now.
Edit 2: I did not see this as a profit grab. I was under the impression that everyone was going to help and pitch in but that’s not the case. Everyone expects my wife and I to pay for everything since we’re the “financially stable” ones.
I should not have said inherited. I apologize. There was still a balance on the house and it just so happened to be 1/3 of its value remaining.
Everyone was given equal opportunity to purchase the house and they all declined.
Yes my mother and I were given first choice but I waited until everyone answered. When everyone said no, that’s when I finally decided to pay.
Edit 3: KEY DETAIL I FORGOT TO MENTION. MY APOLOGIES!! when my grandfather passed, the house mortgage then rolled to his wife. She didn’t want it anymore so she offered the remaining mortgage to the rest of the family. THERE EAS STILL A BALANCE ON THE HOUSE. when the whole family denied the offer, i bought out the mortgage but was under the impression the family would still help.
Your mother didn’t want to buy it in the first place, doesn’t want to renovate or anything.
It’s your house, you bought it, you can do whatever you want with it. (Especially in this economy, this is perfect)
Selling it to your mother tho, it’s in a grey area- do you have other siblings who were pressured to have it or will be given it if your mother buys it?
NTA
But your mom will surely feel that you are, regardless of my or anyone else’s judgement.
DO NOT sell it to her. That’s going to take away your upside but none of the obligations.
40 is very young to retire. You know now that your retirement is set, so why not just work for fun, just enough to support yourselves with no need to plan for retirement. Then later you can sell it.
YWNBTA for selling. But that’s speaking objectively. Your mother will probably still have some hard feelings and I think that’s understandable even if it’s not really fair to you.
Question: who did you buy the house from at 1/3 of the price if it was ‘passed down’ to you?
NTA
It’s just a house. The memories are in people’s heads, not the house.
Unless your mom or some other relatives wants to buy it, I think you’re ok the sell it. Houses WANT to be lived in. They don’t want to be empty (I’m not anthropomorphizing a house-they just need to be lived in or they fall apart.)
I research old houses for a living. At some point in the chain of deeds, a family sells it. It’s ok.
NAH
Sell it after she passes. Keep updating it, and it will be worth more. Just my to cents.
Soft NTA but why don’t you sell it to your mom for what you paid plus what you put into it? You didn’t actually want the home in the first place and it was her father’s and grandfather‘s house. She has a sentimental attachment to it. Maybe she assumed you wanted to secure it to keep it in the family as opposed to looking at it as a fast investment. It seems like you purchased it fairly quickly after your grandfather passed so perhaps grief clouded her judgment?
NTA. I understand the sentimental value your mom has, but sentiment doesn’t pay the bills. On top of that she wants you and your wife to pay for the maintenance on already the price it was years ago??? That sounds selfish if i’m being honest.
You have your own family that you need to provide for, you are your own person. You’re not neglecting your mother, you’re simply grown. Your mom should’ve bought it when the time was right. It’s unfortunate she missed that chance, but that was her choice.
NTA. Instead of selling it can you rent it and turn it into a revenue stream?
My recommendation is that if you can afford to maintain it (and maybe you should rent it out part of the time to generate income) that you keep it while your mother is still living, and then sell it after she passes.
You could put it in the hands of a management company to generate rental income. You would have a good shot at making enough money to fully maintain it and do repairs.
What do you mean by 1/3 of the price? If the estate sold it to you for 1/3 of the market value at that time, then yes I think it should have been understood by you that you couldn’t expect to keep all the capital gains from a sale. If on the other hand you paid market value at the time but the house has since tripled in value due to market conditions and renovations, then you should be free to do what you want with it – youcould offer a first chance to your mother at a more modest discount to market value.
NTA but my mom had an older style beach house she inherited with her other siblings they turned it into an air bnb and blocked it off for family holiday times. It generates enough income to pay for its own up keep plus a little extra.
Sorta TA,
In situations like this you’re supposed to offer the family first dibs on purchasing a home or heirloom that’s been passed down for generations.
You even admitted that you got it at a great price yourself…
It’s fairly obvious that your family won’t be able to buy it at the price it’s worth. So instead, I would offer family members a **buy-in price.**
$$ amount for them to have a share of the house AND to also be responsible for future taxes/fixes on the home. Do the math. How much you’ve put into it yourself so far, an amount to go towards fixing the house, and then add up taxes for the next 5 years to be put in a trust to help maintain the house.
Or something along those lines. I’m sure someone on here can help you come up with a really great equation.
**If they refuse the buy-in price. Tell them you can no longer afford to take care of the home yourself.** You can offer to sell it out right at a discount to keep it in the family, But you would still want it to go into a trust so it cannot be sold at a profit after the fact.
This covers you completely. The house would stay in the family, and nobody can turn around and sell it for a profit after making you feel bad about it.
#If they refuse to these conditions then go ahead and sell it.
NTA
Time for a family talk.
That house is either
1. A family project. If they care, they can contribute. if not money, time.
2. Yours, and none of their business.