I (38m) live with my son (20m). His mom is not in the picture and I have no other children.
Last year my son came out as gay. While it was not something I am familiar with I of course accepted him because he’s my son and I love him. It was surprising because my son typically presents as very masculine and was very athletic and into sports growing up and still is. I apologize if that’s not PC to say I’m still learning but it is important to this story. When my son came out to me I asked how open he wanted to be with it and he said it’s not a secret and anyone can know. I’ve casually mentioned to other people that my son is gay and he’s never had an issue with it.
About a month ago my friend (40m) asked me if his son (22m) could live with us for a while. He started grad school and my house is close to the school. I’m very close to my friend and his son is like a nephew to me but our sons have only met a few times (my friend moved to the other side of the country when his son was 5).
I was worried it would be weird for my friend’s son but he got very comfortable right away almost too comfortable. I found that he was very comfortable being at home wearing nothing but skivvies which I would never do in someone else’s house but maybe this generation is different. I’ve always been on sports teams and in this kind of culture so it didn’t bother me but it occurred to me that he might not know my son is gay and might not be doing this if he did know.
I tried to bring it up in a way that I thought was subtle (I mentioned a date my son went on and kept saying “he”) to my friends son and I guess he got the hint. He started being dressed more, especially when my son’s home. One day he mentioned my son being gay and my son asked him how he knew. He said I told him.
My son privately came to him and asked if I told our houseguest about him being gay so he’s wear clothes. I said he deserved to know so he could decide if he felt comfortable doing that and it seems like he isn’t. My son got mad and said we were being homophobic. I asked if anything else had changed between them besides him wearing more than underwear (my son and him have been bonding) and my son admitted no. I told him that if he is this upset about our houseguest wearing clothes i clearly did the right thing by telling him. My son is calling me the AH but I don’t think I did anything wrong.
yta, why are you treating your son so weirdly? like some sort of sexual beast? he isnt gonna be after every guy ever. you are being homophobic
> last year my son came out as gay. While it was not something I am familiar
did I fall though a time portal?
YTA. Welcome to 2026. Turns out being gay isn’t anything to worry about. I can only assume in 1943, when you last communicated with society apparently, there was some concern.
Sorry but YTA. Just because your son is gay doesn’t mean he’s some deviant that can’t control himself around men. The fact that you’re thinking SO much about this whole thing is quite unusual. I’m not sure why you are so obsessed with making your son’s sexuality such a focal point. You really need to figure out a way to stop having that subconsciously define to you who you think your son is.
I think it’s a lil bit YTA because how you can be 38 and know nothing about gayness is… bizarre? Like, HOW? You’re on Reddit so clearly you have Internet access.
Also, two seconds’ consecutive thought would have helped you identify that:
* People of the same gender get naked / semi-naked in front of each other ALL THE TIME, in changing rooms etc. Seeing your preferred gender in a state of undress is not a Big Surprise if you’re gay.
* No-one is attracted to EVERYONE of the gender they fancy. I mean, as a straight man you’re not gasping and rigid every time a woman enters the room, even one your own age.
You fell straight into the “gay = predatory / indiscriminatory / hypersexual” myth, so I’m not surprised your son is fed up. Just imagine your own dad anxiously telling every woman you meet “He likes WOMEN though, I just thought you should know that, he has LADY FRIENDS” and that should give you a sense of it.
YTA and stereotyping your son. Many gay men are both athletic and into sports, some even play for national and major league sports. It’s so weird that you think the second he said he was gay, his normal hobbies and routines would stop.
You really need to sit with yourself and do more reconciliation on your feelings before you start telling people about your son’s sexual alignment.
personally i would have told the young man he needs to be clothed when he comes out of his room, that’s it is not respectful to you to run around in just his underwear. Nothing to do with your son or his sexual preference.
I don’t think the issue is that your son is gay. I think the issue is that you conveyed to your friend’s son that he should feel unsafe in the home dressing as he pleases because your son is gay. You weren’t telling the kid your son was gay, you were warning him and that’s the problem.
You are doing what many people do, confusing gay people with criminals. Your son is gay and unless you’ve left something out, he’s not a criminal. Did you think he might blindly attack the man because he was partially unclothed.
No one “deserves” to know someone else’s sexuality. Also you’re weird to turn this around on your son like he was somehow being creepy towards your guest is EXTREMELY inappropriate. If the only reason you mentioned it was the level of clothing the guest was wearing then yeah you’re being weird but those two comments solidly make it YTA
YTA. Rather than scapegoating your son you could have told your house guest that he needed to stop wandering around in his underwear and put on some clothes.
YTA…you used your son’s sexuality to correct someone else’s behaviour you found uncomfortable, whether you admit that or not. You went out of your way to make someone feel uncomfortable around your son. That’s pretty awful.
YTA. What exactly was your thought process, here? “You should wear clothes because my son is gay so that means he’s going to lust after you”?
you’re not the asshole for telling him your son’s gay, yta for implying he’s a sexual predator who your houseguest shouldn’t feel safe around
You werent just telling him. You were warning him.
That’s the difference.
YTA. The problem is not that you told your guest that your son is gay. The problem is that you didn’t want to tell the guest that *you* have a problem with their lack of clothing, and decided to use your son as a prop to that effect, hoping that the guest would be creeped out.
Perhaps it’s just me, but I don’t see myself ever using my son as a threatening element towards a guest, when I could just have a conversation with them like a proper adult.
And you didn’t even clear that plan with your son beforehand…