AITA for not letting my cousin wear my weddings dress for her wedding?
First off I want to start by saying that me and said cousin are not close! We used to be but we aren’t really now and haven’t been for years. My mum however is incredibly close with her and treats her like her own daughter.
I want to start this off by saying I got married last year in September. I got married on holiday and we told no one until after we got married only my parents attended. We had pink, gold and purple and cream/white as our colour. I had a tiara with my hair half up half down curled. We had our reception when we got back etc and had bridesmaids and groomsmen as of which she was not a part of the bridal party. We had a lovely cake, decor (all colour themed as stated above), I changed dress half way through and all groomsmen had grey suit with pink ties to tie in with the theme.
My cousin got engaged in December and has rushed through her wedding to June due to family members being ill etc. I’ve been really supportive making sure if she needs anything I’m here and trying to help family to make it special.
Now when she spoke to me a few weeks ago she’s arranged most of it. She’s doing the exact same colours down to the same colour suits for the groom etc. She’s also doing her hair the same I had it but with a veil instead of a tiara. I don’t have an issue with it as it’s fairly popular or maybe I just sparked her imagination or something lol. Now she’s using all of the same vendors for cake, decor etc (here is where I thought like ok cool she really liked it). She’s said she was getting a dress from shein or a certain dress shop.
My mum is thoroughly excited for her as of which I am too. We had a conversation where I joked and said I must have inspired her; my mum laughed and said she’s get her dress from SHEIN or ____. I said okay sounds nice and she mentioned to me “Do I think she would fit in my dress?” I of course said no as we are completely different body types and it’s fitted to me. The conversation between me and my mum took a turn by her saying that she deserves to have a really nice wedding dress which I agreed to and was then told “can’t she just ‘borrow’ mine”.
I’ll be honest I flipped out and said No she cannot use mine. It’s my dress bought for me by my grandparents who are no longer with us and it would have to be altered and wouldn’t be the same after she had it fitted to her. I was then told can’t i just be happy for her. As it turns out my cousin had mentioned to my mum that she liked my dress and that’s where this has come from.
Im not trying to be mean or anything but we are the only 2 girl grandchildren and I have always fought to be different than her as I’m younger; “following in her footsteps” used to be my most hated phrase so I became different to not hear it as much. She’s using all the same stuff that I did other than having her wedding in the UK and now they’re asking for my dress too!
So AITA?
EDIT : I would like to keep it to wear again for my vow renewals with my husband and then to pass down to a daughter or daughter-in law
First of all, something feels off. You got married abroad without anyone knowing and your grandparents both passed in less than four months?
My wedding dress was bought over a year ago and paid for originally it was for our wedding that we were planning in the UK but my grandparents passed in 2024 and then we decided to get eloped in September due to feeling like we were married anyways and wanting it to be official. We did this as I didn’t want the family drama that we had when originally planning the big family wedding in the UK
NTA. Frankly, I didn’t have to read all of that to come to my conclusion. It is your dress. It is a special dress that holds meaning for you. No one is owed use of it. It’s ridiculous to even be put in a position where you have to consider it.
Absolutely NTA – it’s your dress and even if it fit her and didn’t need alterations, it’s still your choice whether on not she can use it. Especially because it would need alterations, absolutely no she cannot borrow it. Hold firm and store it at a friend’s house until after the wedding if you are concerned it could be snatched.
> irst off I want to start by saying that me and said cousin are not close!
NTA then
NTA
No.
NTA. It’s a no-brainer that you would not want to share your wedding dress with your cousin (who you’re not even close to). It has special significance to your relationship. It’s obvious that your mom has a soft spot for your cousin so she’s not seeing clearly. If she thinks your cousin deserves a nice wedding dress, maybe she can help her pay for a new one. Your cousin is really something else. I can’t imagine asking to borrow someone’s wedding dress….the audacity.
NTA. I would say to your mom, “How about supporting my decision for a change? I said no, and I don’t want to hear another word about it.”
NTA. Why do people assume other people’s possessions are theirs to lend/give?
NTA the answer to this always no, if you don’t want to. It’s your dress, no one else has the right to it. They can ask, and you can say no.
This sounds like maybe your mom’s idea, not even your cousin’s? Either way, just say no.
Nta. Please hide the dress
NTA. Especially since you are not the same body type so the dress would have to be altered.
NTA
It sounds like your mom and cousin want to redo your entire wedding with just the cousin as the bride.
NTA
The rest of the story isn’t even super relevant to the question. It’s your property, you don’t have to give a reason for saying no. Your mom was wrong to even ask in the first place knowing how sentimental it is to you.