AITAH for telling a girl i would never live where she lives because of the type of people that choose to live there?

for context, i’m a first year university student at a pretty big school. all first years here are required to live in student housing, but you get to choose between a traditional dorm and this other building that’s a lot more expensive. anyways, last night i went to dinner with a couple girls from my high school that also go to my university. one girl there, emily (fake name) is someone i’ve never really gotten along with. i don’t want to give too many unnecessary details but she’s rude, stuck up, judgmental, etc. anyways, emily lives in the expensive building and brought it up at least ten times throughout dinner (the rest of us all opted for the dorms). eventually she said "i don’t know why you guys chose to live in the dorms, its so much better in x building" i was really annoyed at this point because literally nobody cares that she lives there so i said that i would never want to live with those types of people. she asked what type i meant and i said the annoying and stuck up type. she was pretty quiet for the rest of dinner and left as soon as we paid even though we had all planned to get cookies after.

i probably wouldn’t have said anything if that was the first time she had brought it up or if the building she lived in actually was better, but its literally the same as the dorms. the rooms are identical, you still have a roommate and you still have to use communal bathrooms. living in the dorms is already expensive, but being in that building is an EXTRA 10k a year. the only benefits are location (its right next to downtown where all the shops and restaurants are, most dorms are about a 30 min walk away from that area), there being a dining hall in the building, and the fact that theres a parking garage and they let first years bring their cars, something you typically can’t do if you live in the dorms. even then i don’t think its worth it. all the dorms have bus stops super close by that go downtown, there’s two other dining halls on campus, both of which are accessible by bus and also like a 10 minute walk away from the dorms, and you can buy a parking spot on campus for like $500 a semester. granted, there is a very limited number of spots, but it’s also pretty common for people living near the school to rent out their driveways to students for much cheaper than what the school charges. theres also buses that go all over the city. the point is that living there is purely a status symbol and it attracts the most insufferable people at this school.

i didn’t really think i was in the wrong but after emily left my friends told me that what i said was mean and that i should apologize to her. i kinda think she needed to be humbled a little but i am willing to apologize if what i said was too cruel. AITA?

13 thoughts on “AITAH for telling a girl i would never live where she lives because of the type of people that choose to live there?”
  1. ESH she for her tone deaf comments and you for taking it personally lashing out when she made you feel lesser than. 

    Let it go. Everything you mentioned are huge advantages that are completely reasonable to charge more for in a living situation. She has money and gets to live there. You don’t, but you live in another cool place. You’re both very lucky and each in the place you prefer. 

  2. sounds like she needed to hear it. why does everyone think you need to apologize to an insufferable name-dropping kind of person? honestly.

  3. NTA. She is essentially bragging about having 10,000 more to spend than the rest of you (at least in some cases I’m sure).

  4. I mean she had it coming, but I think a more tactful way to share the sentiment might’ve been, “hey most of us can barely afford where we are now, we hear you saying how much better it is repeatedly, but had you considered our position and how that might make us feel to keep pointing out how inferior our housing is? We can make do without being right next to all the fancy restaurants.” That way it is simply being pointed out that she is being rude rather than her (barely) underhanded rudeness going right to insulting everyone who lives there.

    1. yeah i think i definitely could’ve phrased it nicer, i was just getting annoyed because she was derailing every conversation and finding a way to bring it back to her living here.

  5. I think you were rude for saying that, but also she was rude to be rude about the dorms. Everyone has their budgets, and when you pay extra talking down to the people who live in the dorms is rude two. Maybe both assholes?

    1. i agree that everyone has their budgets, it’s just that she was bringing it up constantly and i was getting tired. it’s also very true that most people who live there do the same thing. there are nice people there, i have a couple friends in that building and they aren’t braggy at all, but hearing about it is a constant thing at this school. still i probably could’ve been nicer

      1. Something like, “yes, Emily, we all know where you live. You don’t need to keep bringing it up” would have gotten your point across without being as rude

  6. Justified YTA, it was rude but she was obviously trying to make you all either jealous or show off how much better she was then you. I wouldn’t want to be around someone like that either.

  7. Your comment made things awkward.  How do you not realize you’re the asshole?  Grow up.

    The other person can afford a more expensive living situation, that’s fine.  Just because you don’t think it’s better doesn’t negate the fact that she prefers it.  From this story you were overly aggressive.  Especially because you get to “justify” it financially.  Has it occurred to you that you’re jealous and lashing out?

    >i was really annoyed at this point because literally nobody cares

    Does anyone but you share this opinion?

    >i was really annoyed at this point because literally nobody cares

    Was this established amongst the group?

    >she asked what type i meant and i said the annoying and stuck up type. she was pretty quiet for the rest of dinner and left as soon as we paid even though we had all planned to get cookies after.

    Do you **seriously** need someone to tell you that you’re an asshole?  As I said previously: grow the fuck up.  Your jealous is your own problem.

    1. im not saying i disagree with you but it honestly wasnt awkward after i said that haha. everyone looked at me for a second and then we just kept talking and finally got to have a conversation about things that werent her living situation.

      also, i might be rude but i’m definitely not jealous. i’m very happy in my dorm. i was just tired of hearing her brag

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