So one of my friends invited me and a lot of our other friends to a party during our Maths class. This party was by the same host whose party we had all (including my best friend) attended previously. My best friend is not in my Maths class and I saw she wasn’t on the invited list but she wasn’t the last time as well so I figured she would be added later. She was not. She went on vacation while a groupchat for the party was made and those friends in the Math class and I were all in there and I saw my best friend wasn’t. So when I got the chance I asked the friend who invited us if my best friend could come and I would pay her share for the drinks and everything. She said she would ask the host. She told me the host said no, which I understand. However, I told my best friend to not worry about the possibility of not going because she would likely say yes and I did talk about the party and about if she would return from her vacation in time for it. My best friend is back now and the party is tomorrow and I am invited but they aren’t letting her in. WIBTA for going to the party instead of abstaining and taking one for the team?? I do really wanna go but I don’t want her to feel left out and as if we are more valued than her when it comes to these things and are having fun without her, especially if she sees pics on snap stories.
Info – how old are you guys and why is your friend not invited
Yup, that i fo is very important.
We’re 16 and she didn’t do anything I think it was either js cuz there was a lot of ppl or she was a bit quiet at the last party so I feel like the host didn’t connect with her as well as the rest of us.
NTA; unless you were told to bring a plus 1, you are/were under no obligation (and had no permission) to take anyone with you. If the host(s) didn’t invite your friend, said friend should have called the host to ask for an invitation.
NTA if you go. She just got back from vacation. This is a house party. You deserve to have fun! Go and find out why she wasn’t invited back. Maybe she did something shady to offend the host you don’t know about.
YTA why did you talk up a party when everyone seems to have told you that your friend is not invited? This is all incredibly rude.
She was worrying about it so I was trying to like ease her but now it’s js gonna rlly disappoint her
Are you a teenager?
Here’s my advice as a middle-aged woman. Good friends are very, very hard to come by. I’m always jealous of the women my age that still have several friends and especially ones they’ve maintained since high school.
I would give anything to have a best friend again. Your ride-or-die. Your person. The one who is always there and is always your go-to for whatever – pedicures, lunch, shopping, lying out by the pool, just hanging out. True, enduring friendships are incredibly rare and should be protected and cherished at all cost.
Since my 20’s, I have been to every party in every city that’s worth traveling to. From that experience I can tell you this. In a month that party won’t mean a thing, but the loss of your friend will.
How would you feel if you were the one that was left out? They didn’t want you. You weren’t good enough for them. Everyone was invited except for you.
You would be devastated.
Even more so when your best friend went to the party knowing you weren’t allowed to attend.
Choose your friend. It’s just a stupid party.
Ok but they’re 16 and this comment seems to be projecting a lot. You won’t get invited to every event, especially in high school. I’d rather my friend go to the party and build connections so they could possibly bring me along next time.
NTA, yall are 16. It’s time yall realize that every one won’t get invited to everything.
I mean YTA for pretending they will let her come when they clearly said “no”. Why lie in the first place and not just tell her she’s not invited? You caused unnecessary drama this way. Otherwise you are not TA for going to a party she hasn’t been invited (unless it’s for discrimination or bullying reasons she hasn’t been invited).
WIBTA? Soft YWBTA if you go without handling it right.
I get why you want to go. You were invited, it sounds fun, and you even tried to include your best friend. That matters. But here’s the hard truth: if you go *as-is* and she finds out through Snap stories, it’s going to hurt her. A lot. And that hurt will land on *you*, not the host.
This isn’t about permission or rules. The host already said no, and that’s their right. The real issue is loyalty and timing.
From your friend’s perspective, it looks like:
* she got quietly excluded
* everyone else is going
* her best friend still chose the party
Even if that’s not your intention, that’s how it’s going to feel.
Now, does that mean you’re a monster if you go? No. But if you go without being honest and intentional, you’re kind of sending the message that the party mattered more than her feelings. That’s where it tips into AH territory.
You have two decent options:
1. Skip this one and tell her straight up that it felt wrong to go without her. That’s a big “best friend” move and she will remember it.
2. Go, but be upfront. Tell her before the party, don’t hide it, don’t post stories, and acknowledge that it sucks and you wish she was there.
What you shouldn’t do is go quietly, let her find out online, and then act surprised when she’s hurt.
So yeah, WIBTA? Not automatically. But how you handle it determines everything.
She was excluded because whoever invited OP doesn’t know her like they know OP. A bunch of people in a math class all got invited. That’s who the invitation includes, people they know from class. It sucks for her but she’s old enough to understand that not everyone can be included and despite having mutual friends she’s just not close enough to the person throwing the party.
I agree that OP shouldn’t lie about going but also the friend shouldn’t be getting that distressed over people she doesn’t know well not inviting her to a party just like they didn’t invite other people they don’t know well.