I’m here asking for opinion and advice. I have lived in Sweden for the last 17 years, I’m 30 so my view maybe Eurocentric and thus I need your perspective as arabs/muslims of reddit.
My younger brother 27 recently rebounded from a 4 year relationship and engagement(After my mother refused to see his partner or legitimize his relationship after 4 months of trying, prompting the girl to leave).
My mom introduced an Iraqi girl to him who lives in stockholm in the middle of January. They have since then met twice physically, and the girl bought my a gift on his birthday(My brother finds the girl cute and sweet). Now my brother is being told by the dad of the girl to bring family and as many men to thier reading of the "Fatiha"(is this an official engagement?/Nikah? even if no papers are signed), moreover they seem to have agreed on the dowry, upfront being nothing and late being 50K Euros(money my brother doesn’t have)
I feel very worried about the pace of things, they didn’t have a talking phase at all(Barely 3 weeks). I worry things took an official turn so quickly and about the process of "reading the ‘fatiha’"(what ever significance that’ll have) and if my brother wpuld be shackeled by a late dowry he’s incapable of paying? AITA for panicking and sounding the alarm in the family?
To clarify the conflict here is me interveneing in the process halting it and getting all the hate imaginable for pulling the emergency breaks.
Brother, take this post to r/MuslimMarriage
Rule 9 will get this post taken down in a bit.
There’s no visible conflict here because you haven’t included any details about your actions. You can’t be an asshole just for having a feeling, but how you act on that feeling could make you an asshole. There’s no way to know based on your post.
Talk to your brother seriously. Your mom isn’t a good source of advice because her behavior sounds dysfunctional. (And is dowry even legal in Sweden?)
I have, he just seems to be wearing some strongly rose tinted glasses.
Then I suggest pointing out that weird financial transactions tend to attract interest from law enforcement.
Your mother calls the shots…your brother is her hostage.
No you sound like the only sensible one. But I’m not familiar with the custom of Arab weddings and imagine most here won’t be. Try posting on Muslim marriages or a Arab forum
Dowry is what a woman brings to a marriage. Are you talking about some kind of bride price? Also, it’s your brother’s decision, no?
Before this post gets taken down, the only thing you can do is to think how YOU want to act when it’s your turn. Your mother won’t let you have a love match. Instead of hoping for months to change her mind, you will have to choose between your future wife and your parents.
Forgive me if i’m ignorant, but isn’t a dowry something a bride’s family pays to the groom?
A dowry is paid from the brides family to the groom. Not the other way around. Sounds like they try to sell her… quite alarming.