For context. My wedding came and went, she was a maid of honor in my wedding. She asked me to be in her wedding about 2 weeks after my wedding ended, which was approximately 8 months away from her wedding. I do not make a lot of money. I’m paycheck to paycheck. I simply cannot afford the role, but explained I could do the duties for a MOH would do. She’s upset with me (and I understand) but am I supposed to just ignore my financial responsibilities for her wedding? Mind you, we make upwards of 85K difference and I accommodated her in my wedding cause it’s my wedding. I should pay. She doesnt offer me solutions. Just says “I guess it’s better you told me now.” I just simply can’t afford it. I have a lot of debt. And none of that is her problem, but this is my life. Idk. Thoughts?
Edit: I apologize for not including more information as I was trying to keep this short to avoid TLDR.
A few things:
She paid approximately $200 for her dress/shoes.
I payed for hair/makeup and bouquets.
I offered numerous times to pay if someone couldn’t. It was more important to me to have people I loved at my wedding having fun, money (during my planning process) was not a factor to anyone’s involvement. I’d pay for anything they needed and did for a separate girl from the lineup, as an example.
In terms of duties, I offered to fulfill the duties, I am unable to financially. For my wedding, she didn’t do anything. She wasn’t at appointments, hair/makeup trials, dress fittings, didn’t help with the bridal shower. All she cared (appeared) to care about was her involvement in the bachelorette party, to which she completely ignored my wishes (as she did ask me what I wanted to do, I said I wanted a quiet night in with the girls, drinks and food, inexpensive because I actually knew everyone’s financial situations and was accommodating to that) she didn’t listen and booked a party bus.
So, looking at this from both sides. I gave her a lot of flexibility, accommodations and grace to her role even though she didn’t fulfill any of her duties. There was a conversation about this, she said “we are fine as far as I know” I avoided conflict to avoid drama at the wedding. And now we are here.
NTA. Especially because you offered to perform the duties.
INFO did you accept (or request) support from her for your wedding that you cannot reciprocate for hers?
There’s no conflict here. You said you couldn’t do it, she accepted your answer. You’re right to turn it down if you can’t afford it but she’s allowed to be upset about it.
She may be your best friend but you’re not her best friend. Besties have each other’s backs and understand that you can’t afford to be her MOH.
Don’t worry and enjoy your best life.
Need more information for judgement here, do you know how much money she spent as your MOH?
IMO NTA I him it would make you one to commit to something you know you can’t afford, leaving things subpar or having it fall as extra stress on the bride. Especially since yo u offered to do the actual work and explained that you just can’t work out the financial portion.
INFO. What did she do for you and what do you think she would require from you?
If I’m being completely honest she didn’t do a single thing a MOH should do. She wasn’t at any of the appointments, hair trials, makeup trials, dress fittings. She didn’t help with my bridal shower. She didn’t communicate in the group chats as much as the other girls. And I communicated to her that we seemed off, like did I do something wrong as to why she declined to help with anything and she said “we are fine as far as I know” but I let it all go because I didn’t want drama at the wedding and there was no drama at the wedding. But in terms of what she did and paid for, she did nothing and paid $200 roughly for dress/shoes. I paid for hair/makeup and bouquets. I offered numerous times to pay if they couldn’t.
Try to pick your friends more wisely from now on.
NTA
Weird to me that she hasn’t offered to take care of your expenses, or at least some of them.
NTA
You either can afford it or you can’t and in your case you can’t
Info: what did she do (and how much did she spend) as your MOH. If she went all out for you and you can’t reciprocate a little (even due to finances), I’m guessing she is feeling a little used.
NTA For prioritizing financial stability. However she did fill the role for you, and has given you eight months notice. If she is reasonable with her wedding expectations and willing to keep the bridal parties expenses down it seems like you might be able to work together to make it happen.
She could offer to cover some of your costs, and you could try to figure out a way to earn some extra money. I think it’s fair for her to be hurt if you don’t at least try to find a way to make it happen. Not everyone has a bunch of close female friends that they can ask to do the job, and not all brides are over the top with expenses.
NTA tell her you will do the same for her as she did for you then it might be doable, and make her bachelorette the way you wanted yours as she already had hers…
In other words are you sure she is a true friend?