hello i (15f) called my dad (55m) selfish for getting married to someone in spain (we are in america) 6 months after getting divorced.
they met in may on a dating app, and my parents had divorced in february.
i was honestly happy for him in the beginning because he seemed happy and that’s all that mattered. they talked on the phone a lot and he talked about her to us (i have 6 siblings, 3 of us still live at home) and we all felt like she was nice. we all live with my dad btw.
he told us she was coming for two week in june and we were surprised by how fast they were moving but still, we were open minded. the first time meeting her was slightly rough because she was just off putting and a little much, energetic is a good word. i’m the opposite so maybe it was just me, but the rest of my siblings just got a bad vibe too.
after the two weeks, my siblings and i had our opinions that she was slightly rude and that they were moving to quick. then in june, he told us they were getting married. we were shocked and told him he thought it was quick, and his response was that he could die any day and that time passes quick for him.
so they got married in august, A WEEK AFTER MY SISTERS WEDDING. this was also rude and disrespectful we thought, but we didn’t bring that up. she also has two kids that we didn’t meet till this december when they had their actual wedding.
in may hes going to spain for 3 weeks for their honeymoon. my dad and moms divorce was just messy and i feel like he moved on so quick without even grieving his 25 year relationship. and he is starting to choose her over us and he never cared about checking in on us til she was around; it was like he was putting on a show for her.
they’re planning to move her here in about 2 years, which means ill only be 17 or 18 so ill still be at the house. i honestly dont like her or her kids, btw she has one 16 y/o son, and one 20smth y/o daughter.
p.s. i know i just sound like a teenager complaining, but AITAH for telling my dad he’s selfish and him getting upset over it.
NAH.
First off, I really feel for you. This is a lot for anyone, especially at 15. A messy divorce, a brand new stepmom from another country, everything moving at warp speed, and it all happening while you and your siblings are still living at home. Feeling unsettled, hurt, or pushed aside makes total sense here.
That said, calling your dad selfish probably hit harder than you meant it to. From his perspective, he went through a divorce, found someone who makes him feel happy, and made a choice that feels urgent to him because of age and fear of time running out. That does not automatically mean he did not grieve his 25 year marriage, even if it looks that way to you.
Where your feelings are completely valid is this part: he should still be showing up for you and your siblings. Getting remarried does not mean emotionally checking out of your kids. If it feels like he is choosing her over you, or performing for her while forgetting to check in with you, that is a real problem and worth addressing.
You are not wrong for feeling upset. You are also not wrong for saying something, even if the wording was rough. But framing it as —- you’re selfish” probably shut the door on the deeper conversation you actually need, which is “I feel like I’m losing you, and I’m scared I don’t matter as much anymore.
This is one of those situations where feelings are understandable on both sides, but communication needs work. You are not a bad kid for reacting emotionally, and he is not automatically a bad dad for moving on quickly. What matters now is whether he can hear how this is affecting you and actually show up.
You are not overreacting. You are reacting like a kid whose life changed fast and without much warning.
You must kidding, ignoring how ridiculous it is to get married to someone after 6 months in a different country, he’s already neglecting his children for this relationship. Complete AH that needs therapy not a replace wife that isn’t even in the country
Has it crossed your mind that it’s not as “fast” as you might think?
is 3 months not fast? maybe it just felt that way
As in they have been in a relationship far longer than you’ve been told!
As others had already clarified for me. I did mean to imply that they lied to you about how and when they met.
You mentioned the divorce was messy right? Did you have all the details on why? You’re still a child. They would have kept it from you.
Discus the idea with your siblings.
In what world is 3 months not fast? 🤣🤣
Imo NAH
Your Dad is an adult and can do what he likes. I still think you should be able to tell your father how it makes you feel etc. because you should be able to talk to your parents about everything, especially if you’re still that young.
TBH moving the relationship that quick probably means she’s looking for a visa or something similar… his “I can die any say” speach also makes no sense. He can wait 2 years to get her to America (and live apart I assume) but not 2 years to get married in the first place? Also why go look for people so far away on a dating app?
>feel like he moved on so quick without even grieving his 25 year relationship
The relationship likely died years ago.
yeah, the problems started from the beginning he said yet he still had 7 kids with her
NTA
I dont know why your parents divorced or what happened there, but he should of worked on himself, finding out who he was as a single guy before rushing into a relationship. Maybe its just me, but I would never rush into a relationship if I had kids at home. It would probably be a year before they met my hypothetical kids. It sounds like your dad is scared to be alone and ran after the first person to show him affection.
In short, I’m sorry this stinks for you and your siblings. I think for now since she wont be there for two possible years that you focus on school, maybe get a part time job and start earning so you have money to move out later if you need to. But definitely focus on your future, get a headstart on college courses while in high school. You have a bright future.
I am so sorry.
Here’s the thing: sometimes people grieve and “get over” the marriage while they are still in it. And sometimes people try to avoid their pain by starting something new. And it’s hard to know which is which when you are a kid and it’s your parents.
But NTA because 6 months is not a lot of time for you and your siblings to grieve the family you had and adjust to a new normal after the divorce before adding in a step family.
NTA He got married to someone he knew for three months in a long distance intercontinental relationship when he still has 3 kids living at home. If it was a woman getting married to someone the kids barely knew and didn’t really like in such a short time the comments would be so different.
Getting married a few months after meeting online is too fast. And your dad does sound like he’s caught up in some whirlwind romance and forgetting everything else, including being careful with how this may impact his kids. NTA for feeling the way you’re feeling about it.
However, very soft YTA for the “grieving his 25 years relationship”. Your parents divorced, it was messy, and – you’re too young to understand that – but there’s a high chance that one or both of your parents had done all their grieving *before* they decided to divorce.