So it’s my cousins birthday today (Feb 5th) and I already promised her I was going to be at her birthday party on Saturday. I have her gift, and I have everything situated so I can go without anything conflicting with her party. However, tonight she had plans for a dinner and after I asked, she said I can go if I wanted too. The day comes and I’m asking where we’re going, and that I have a nice dress ready to go until she says where they were going. It was an expensive restaurant where the minimum was 30 dollars and the max was 50.
Now I’m a naturally shy and introverted girl due to the fact I am on the spectrum, and I’ve hung out with her a couple times to go out and party, have drinks, etc. and I really appreciate her for doing that. However, she was also having friends from out of town with her, and when I hang out with her in general I do feel left out sometimes because I don’t share the same interests she does and with her friends, causing them to not involve me in conversations. I tell her I can’t go because of pricing, and that I really appreciate her for inviting me and I’ll see her on Saturday. Now I feel bad that I bailed out on her.
AITA?
how did she respond? this is a non-issue if she is ok with it.
She left me on read
As someone also on the spectrum… That didn’t feel like a real invitation. When people want me to be places, they make it very clear they want me there.
“You can come if you want to.” Has never felt like a real invite but more of an, “Oh yeah I forgot you were there and now it’ll be awkward if I leave you out.”
Pairing that with her leaving you on read and leaving you out of conversations when her friends are around?
I wouldn’t go and I wouldn’t feel bad. The invitation was a formality. She wants to spend this evening with her friends. She’ll see you on Saturday.
NTA-because it seems like an open invitation with the “she said I can go if I wanted to”. It appears to be a last minute plan added onto the original. It’s ok to feel that way, so don’t let your guilt eat at you if you suspect you’d feel out of place. If you’ve been around her and the other friends before, they could make more of an effort to include you into conversations.
NTA for not being able to afford to go out to eat
Slight YTA for not going just because it wouldn’t be fun for you. You’re still going to her other get together at least but I think it’s important to remember we all do things that aren’t always fun for us because we care about the other person. It’s about showing up when it matters even if we don’t always want to. You can always try learning about the other friends interest, you may find out something interesting that gets you into it. You may click with someone unexpectedly. You’re not alone in feeling awkward and like an outsider but the only way to get over that is by trying. If it’s still awkward and weird you’ll just have a good meal and go home and go about your life.
The thing is, I have tried numerous times to leave my comfort zone and that’s why I’ve went out with her before. But it’s gone from just being a quiet person to them making plans in front of me without even acknowledging that I’m there. I’ve talked to her about it and how it makes me feel and she does try to make me feel better about it, but then it turns to the fact that I do things that are embarrassing to her. I should clarify that I didn’t go just for the fact that I didn’t feel like I wasn’t going to have fun, but I didn’t want to be an embarrassment on her big day.
Soft YTA it’s not a huge deal because you’ll see her at her party and you weren’t the the only person she was having dinner with. BUT you knew ahead of time that the dinner was with other people, like back when she invited you, so you could have said no then. And $30-50 is not a lot for dinner, it may be a little high but not by that much. Tho obviously if you really can’t afford it then you shouldn’t go but if that’s out of your price range you should have asked earlier about the restaurant since odds are high it would be this price range.
You’re right about that, I really should’ve asked earlier and that is 100% my responsibility
YTA be honest, don’t lie.
Stay true to yourself! You’ll be there Saturday!