My friend Anna (24F) messaged me on TikTok after months of not talking, apologizing for reaching out suddenly. Her message was vague did not say the reason why she reached out so I didn’t reply. 20mins later, she texted me asking if our company was hiring because she badly needed a job. I sent her a link to apply, and she thanked me.
I was confused because the last time we hung out, she was working as an accountant at a government museum with her dad. Worried something happened to her, I asked our friend Jess (23F) if she knew anything.
For context, Anna stopped talking to me after I said her boyfriend Eli (30M) was a red flag. Anna told us that she met Eli at work (different departments) and became friends with him and another coworker, Toni (27F). Eli told Anna he liked Toni but also acted sweet toward Anna. I should mention that Toni has a boyfriend. Yes he is making advances on someone in a relationship.
One time, Toni and Eli hooked up. I told her to distance herself from him. She agreed, but a week later told us she was now dating Eli. When asked what happened, she told us he confessed she was the one he really liked and he only flirted with Toni to make her jealous. “WTF? So he played with your feelings, told you he likes your friend, had sex with her, and then confessed that you’re the one he really likes?” I asked if he even apologized to her about this, but said he knew. I told Anna he was a red flag, and after that she stopped talking to me.
Onto the issue. Jess told me Anna asked her for help finding a job three months ago. Anna had already started at their company two days ago. So why ask me for help if she’s employed already? Apparently Anna and Eli had gotten into trouble with HR at their old workplace and needed new jobs. Anna already had one. Eli didn’t.
Later, in our group chat, our friends asked if there’s an open position for the same role as me saying that they want to experience working from home. I asked them for their resumes so that I can pass it to HR. Seeing this Anna DMed me asking me to do the same for Eli. She sent me his resume. I said no. I don’t know him and have never met him. I asked why she was job-hunting for him and what happened with HR.
Anna explained that before an interview for a permanent museum position, Eli sent her a link without context. She clicked it and realized it contained interview questions and answers. She closed it immediately, but HR was notified. During the interview, HR asked about it, and she eventually admitted Eli sent the link. Eli was then told to resign or face an admin case. Eli got mad at her for telling the truth and blamed her for not lying to protect him. I told her it wasn’t her fault. He sent the link, and lying would’ve made things worse.
Because of all this, I refused to help him get a job. I told Anna I’d help her, but not him. She kept begging, saying I should be more understanding, but I stood firm.
So, am I the asshole for not helping him get a job?
No because if he is a poor worker and you don’t know him that will reflect badly on you if he screws up
The whole thing looks like it could blow up in your face. I would stay far away.
You’re NTA. You risk your own reputation at work when you recommend others. You shouldn’t recommend someone you don’t even know, especially someone who sounds sketchy AF.
And I don’t believe the version of the story you were told about why they were fired.
I dunno – strict access logs seem unlikely, but “hey, the person I’m interviewing in an hour has access permissions to the interview document! How’d that happen? They were just added by this other person according to the document history” sounds like something pretty easy to determine from Google or Microsoft document history
NTA. Your ‘friend’ is not a good friend. And Eli is NOT a good choice (or even a good person)
Also, this guy is icky on so many levels. His entire story is just so icky. There’s a reason why he’s dating a 23 year old when he’s 30.
nta. you have your own right to not help him get a job, especially since you barely know the guy too. and with how much you’ve tried to tell your friend that he is a red flag, and now that she’s being guilt tripped and manipulated for being honest, he has to face the consequences of his actions. it also seems that he’s trying to bring down the girl with him for what she did.
good for you for setting your boundaries with your friend!
NTA. You’re not obligated to risk your reputation at work for someone you don’t know. You set a reasonable boundary and even offered to help her. That’s more than fair.
NTA, it’s your reputation on the line.
When I was in a bad place, I had the wherewithal to turn down my best friends attempts in helping me in this way at the time, because I didn’t want to affect his reputation, any good friend would know that.
NTA. No way would I help Eli after all he’s done. Quite frankly, I’d be reluctant to help Anna too at this point. She doesn’t come across as a real friend.
YTA for helping her. She is no friend and not sure she is an ethical colleague.
You have firsthand knowledge of his behavior that you consider unprofessional. You actively don’t want to work with him. Not only are you well within your moral bounds for not trying to get him a job, you’d be on shaky moral ground for doing so (you’d be remiss in your duty to your employer and your coworkers, ignoring your duty to yourself)
NTA.
NTA….I suspect Anna is in an abusive relationship. Sounds like he deliberately got her fired but for some reason didn’t expect he’d get fired too so now she has to get him another job. Her ghosting you was likely his idea as he’s distancing her from friends. There’s really nothing you can do about it. She has to get out of the fog and save herself. The only thing you can do is tell your door is always open to her when she’s ready. As for getting him a job….you already spotted that he’s a problem…..don’t worry about that anymore.
NTA…they’re both providing several reasons to not help or hire them. Why on earth would you want someone like that as a colleague. It’s best to go back to not talking. This is not a friend.