i’m (21f) graduating next month. my friend maya (22f) asked to come and i said no.
why? at my sister’s wedding 3 months ago, maya got blackout drunk. she interrupted the speeches, tried to dance during the first dance, and literally YELLED during my dad’s emotional toast. everyone stared. my sister had to ask me to take her home.
maya apologized and said she didn’t know she was that drunk. my sister said “it’s fine” but i know she was mortified.
now maya wants to come to graduation and i said absolutely not. i told her i can’t risk her embarrassing me again in front of my whole family.
she’s devastated. says i’m punishing her forever for one mistake and that she deserves a second chance. our friend group is split- half think i’m being too harsh, half say i have every right.
maya texted me yesterday saying if i don’t trust her then maybe we’re not real friends.
AITA?
NTA–she already proved that she cannot control herself in social situations. I also seriously doubt your family wants to be around her after the way she acted. I also doubt this is the first time that she has gotten black out drunk. I think your better off keeping her at arms length
Just no. A second chance is what she gets at a local bar or a home party, where it doesn’t matter if she messes up again. Not your graduation.
I daresay you don’t trust her, and why should you?
NTA.
NTA, and Maya is not a friend I’d keep around after what she did at your sister’s wedding reception. I’d drop her like a bag of snakes.
The last line…. “maya texted me yesterday saying if I don’t trust her then maybe we’re not real friends”.
This is a foolish intimidating and manipulative thing that Maya has done. This is your cue to meet her with silence. And to be honest if she were really your friend she would just understand and let time heal.
NTAH………Let Maya go. I like my drinks too, but Maya needs to get a grip on what appears to be her binge drinking
yeah that last line really threw me off too. it felt less like an apology and more like emotional pressure to pretend everything is fine again. i get that people make mistakes, but blaming me for not trusting her after what happened feels so unfair. if she actually cared about the friendship she would give me space instead of guilt tripping me.
do you think staying silent for a while is the right move or should i actually confront her about how manipulative that message felt?
“ maya texted me yesterday saying if i don’t trust her then maybe we’re not real friends.”
Love how she’s turning this around on you, after her terrible behavior at your sister’s wedding she’s more than proven she definitely cannot be trusted. I would end this “friendship.” NTA
I don’t think you are friends because a true friend wouldn’t act like she did.
NTA
3 month really isn’t ‘forever’.
NTA-She did all that at a wedding? She seems very manipulative in more than one instance. “Didn’t know she was that drunk”-there’s a social etiquette when you’re a guest at someone’s wedding and your sister had every right to have her leave. The text message and her response about feeing punished is a way to manipulate you. Have you been friends for very long/is she a best friend?
I’d start with reevaluating any other instances that could be a red flag or if you see yourself being friends with her a few years from now.
Maya acted disrespectfully but is turning it into your fault? She can get a second chance after she proves she can control herself, such as when the group goes to a bar. At a family gathering? No.
Sounds to me like she is the one who is not a friend. If she were, she would have been more considerate. NTA.
Yta to your sister. Why didn’t u remove your friend after her first disruption at your sister’s wedding. Feel bad for her.
With “friends” like Maya who needs enemies. Take her up on her offer to terminate your relationship.
NTA. My husband is an alcoholic and I’ve learned a very important point in his drunken behavior. Alcohol does not alter someone’s behavior. It only removes the filters that hide that behavior. Things she said and did while drunk at the wedding? She meant every bit of it. She had just not expressed any of ot until the alcohol. So maybe think long and hard about her behavior and what she said before you continue this friendship.
“Maya texted me yesterday saying if i don’t trust her then maybe we’re not real friends.”
Ah, yes. The dreaded guilt trip. She’s shown you how she can make a big event go sideways. You only get one chance not to screw this up. The old parable, “You knew what I was when you picked me up,” seems to apply here. [https://cwo.byu.edu/00000173-772a-de73-a977-f7aa98a30000/snake-story](https://cwo.byu.edu/00000173-772a-de73-a977-f7aa98a30000/snake-story)