My roommates girlfriend has basically moved in at this point which is its own problem, but i’m still working out how to approach them on that because they can both be very defensive.
One of the issues i’ve been having is about the bathroom. She has some digestive issues and can sometimes take up the bathroom for 20-30 minutes at a time, I know this isn’t something she can control but it can be frustrating at times. It’s not a super sensitive or vulnerable subject, my roommate teases her and jokes to me about it, it’s just awkward for me who doesn’t know her well and I don’t know how she’d feel if I was one to mention it too.
When cleaning the bathroom, i’ve noticed the toilet is a lot dirtier now than when it was just the two of us. And there’s what I can describe as “splatters,” sometimes around / on the rim which is really gross to have to clean up after. It’s only when you lift up the toilet lid to clean it and see inside/underneath so I don’t think she knows but it’s just gross and makes cleaning the bathroom even worse than before.
Idk how to breach this subject without sounding weird or gross. I don’t know if she’d be embarrassed, my roommate does tease her and she doesn’t really care, but idk how she’d feel about a third party calling her out for leaving shit marks on the toilet lol.
I don’t wanna be sound entitled or inconsiderate asking her to clean, but at this point she acts like it’s her apartment too so idk. I was thinking of breaching the topic to my roommate first, but I’m nervous they’d defend her automatically and call me inconsiderate.
My roommate makes her do her dishes and take out the trash which is a start, but I hate how she blows up our bathroom every day and has never offered to clean it. I just don’t wanna be awkward or inconsiderate, or maybe I am in the wrong and should be more understanding of something she can’t control and shouldn’t say anything to make her feel bad.
WIBTA for asking her or my roommate to clean the toilet more often / instead of me?
edit: there’s also a toilet brush right next to the toilet and cleaner under the sink
NTA
“Hey, I get that she can’t help it, but can you or your gf clean up her shit splatters in the toilet? Thanks.”
No that’s gross.
NTA for asking them to clean up after themselves
NTA.
She may or may not know how bad it is, but if she’s practically living there she can certainly pitch in on the chores, regardless of whether she has IBS.
My suggestion is to go to your roommate and “strongly suggest” that cleaning the bathroom is now “his” chore permanently. Then if he wants her to pitch in, they can have that discussion.
Also, IDK if you have a toilet brush right there 24/7, but you should. She might give it a quick scrub after a blowout if she has the tools.
Talk to your roommate.
I wouldn’t broach the subject with the girlfriend directly. Speak with your roommate about it… that they can reach an agreement with the girlfriend, or they can clean up after her. Be concrete about your expectation. Something like the toilet needs a basic scrub with a cleaning brush daily, and an under-rim wipe down weekly (or whatever it is that you make things less gross).
NTA people with explosive diarrhea know they are causing shit stains all over the toilet. How mortifying that she doesn’t clean after herself
Everyone should clean the toilet after they defecate.
NTA
NTA but in no way do you ask the GF. Your piece is with roomie and stick up for yourself and get some clarity on her moving in.
Bruh, you shouldn’t have to clean other people’s 💩, especially if they won’t pitch in to do it themselves. I have the same issue, but I always clean up after myself.
NTA-I wouldn’t even try to be nice about this honestly. Someone leaving splatters of poop all over the toilet and just assuming and expecting someone else to clean it is a level of selfishness that I do not have the patience to deal with in a kind way.
Tell her, if she takes a poop she is responsible for cleaning that and expecting anyone else to do it is just an asshole move.
You aren’t being inconsiderate by not cleaning her shit, she is being inconsiderate by leaving it there.
Nah you wouldn’t be the asshole. IBS sucks, but cleaning up after yourself is still a thing. Like yeah she can’t control her stomach, but she can control whether she leaves the toilet nasty. If she’s basically living there, using the bathroom daily, then pitching in on cleaning is just part of adulting. I’d honestly talk to your roommate first and frame it as a shared space issue, not a her issue. Keep it less about the splatters and more about fairness, otherwise it’s gonna turn into a defensive mess real fast.
NTA but this is your roommate’s problem, don’t go to the girlfriend.
You and roommate need to have a discussion. If she has ‘essentially moved in’ then she needs to essentially contribute to utilities, cleaning, etc. Whether roommate does it on her behalf or not. You didn’t sign on for a 3rd person to share your living space and with only one bathroom, and a person who has ‘needs’…that’s a pretty huge inconvenience for you.
First of all, go read your lease agreement and verify it is within the conditions and terms of the lease that she can live their full time now (or if not full time, the number of days per month/week that she stays overnight). This might take care of the issue for you.
Second, I think you should talk to your room-mate first, not her. She is your room-mate’s responsibility. It would be like if you were married, and your wife abdicated her responsibility of dealing with her own family and told you to take up issues with your in-laws directly instead of through her.
Dang, I would die of embarrassment if I left my poop stains anywhere anyone else could see them. At home or away. God, has this lady been raised by poop spraying wolves? Ugh.
Edit to add NTA and agree you need to talk to your roommate, NOT the girlfriend directly.