My husband and I have been living with my in laws for a little over 2 years now. When we first moved in, they had 2 dogs and we had 2 cats. They are separated by a gate and don’t bother each other. The issue started last October when my MIL took a stray kitten in. Out of concern for my cats, I just asked that she think about vaccinations in the future and please get the cat fixed before she has the chance to spray on our stuff. The cat is indoor/outdoor while my cats are exclusively indoor. Fast forward to about a week ago and one of my cats has bald spots and scabs and just looks overall terrible. We took him to the vet and they told us he had gotten fleas and was severely allergic to them. My husband informed MIL about it and asked that she at least get a flea collar. She spent 5 days letting her cat in the house untreated before she bought a collar. Then just a few days ago, I came home to my other cat sick and lethargic. I took him to the vet and he needed a very expensive emergency urinary surgery. They were told there is an unvaccinated cat coming in from outside that uses my cats litter boxes and they told me that creates a high risk for re-infection. My cat will need another more invasive surgery if he gets infected again. Based on the fact that her cat spends days at a time outside anyway, we asked that she leave her out for 2 days while our cats recover. She told us no. We asked that if she’s inside, she keep an eye on her cat every now and then. She said no. Im confused and quite honestly hurt at this point because my only motivation is for my cats to recover safely. She is completely nonchalant and acting like none of this is a big deal even though we just spent $2000 on vet bills and will have to spend thousands more if her cat doesn’t get immediate medical care. She has a lifelong history of “taking in” animals but not fully committing to caring for them. FIL told us we are free to rehome the cat so my husband is making active efforts to find her another home. AITA?
ESH. I mean like it or not you are kind of in HER home so yes in all technical sense it would make you TA. But she also sucks for not properly caring for the cat.
This, right here. You can’t rehome a cat that isn’t yours in a house you don’t own or rent. But that woman is not a decent pet owner at all. ESH.
You are between a rock and a hard place. I feel bad for both cats in this scenario because she is clearly a neglectful pet owner and your cat (and this poor flea infested cat) are suffering as a result. You are technically living in your MIL’s house so I can see why you would be torn. But your FIL is fine with it, so I think rehoming is the most humane thing to do if the poor cat is walking around covered in fleas and unvaccinated.
But if she throws a fit and refuses to allow it and the FIL gives in…it will be you who will have to leave to protect your own cat. I hope for the best for you and the cats. NTA for thinking of animal welfare.
I would just move out at this point. It’s not worth any of this.
INFO: Have you considered the possibility your MIL is trying to rehome you?
My first thought. Sounds like she’s trying to make your lives miserable intentionally. Have you perhaps overstayed your welcome?
Yeah, that’s what I was thinking
Perfect phrasing.
INFO – do you pay rent?
If not, you get what you get as a ‘guest’ in their home and you need to get your own flea collar for your own cats.
This is an untenable animal-infested living situation, honestly it’s best to move out. If MIL can’t or isn’t willing to protect her and your animals, then you have a decsion to make.
MIL is telling OP she wants her and her cats out of MIL’s house. Listen to what her actions are telling you. OP, find a place of your own where you, husband, and cats are safe and move out ASAP.
NTA
You need to move out. Clearly this isn’t a compatible living situation.
I’m a bit hung up on this part:
>FIL told us we are free to rehome the cat so my husband is making active efforts to find her another home
It seems like it’s not his cat? And are you two, as married adults, playing the “we knew mom would say no so we asked dad instead” game? lol
I mean, seriously, that seems like a questionable workaround to your MIL problem. Not calling you an AH for it necessarily, but it seems ill-advised.
YTA- Whilst I agree that MIL is being selfish and irresponsible, it’s her home and her cat. If you don’t like what she does in her own home, then move out.
ESH. You can’t give away someone else’s pet. You need to move out if you don’t want to live with her cat. She needs to keep her cat inside, but the very least she can do if she lets the cat out is give her a flea and tick preventative and keep her UTD on shots.