I joined a reenacting group when I was 16 and over 7 years I made many friends in the hobby. as it happens the majority of reenactors are older fellows. over time the hobby lost popularity and never was the same as the gigantic 150th anniversary events. several of my friends passed away during my time in the ranks.
I miss the glory days of living history, the community, and my friends.
I’ve been out of the hobby for years but my parents introduce me as "a reenactor" and gift me civil war related items. ive explained why I dont want to talk about my time reenacting and mom brushed it off saying I should get over it. I lost it the second time this happened and yelled at her saying it reminds me of friends who are no longer with us, and it was the only place I felt like I was accepted and fit in. i feel bad for yelling and shouldn’t have.
am I the asshole?
NTA. Your mom was being dismissive of your feelings when she said you should get over it. I think they are just proud that you had such an interest. Maybe find a new interest and they’ll gift you things for that.
OP only has 2 other posts and they’ve both been taken down. I doubt that this is real.
Thanks
NTA, but just a little over the top. You couldn’t have said- mom- sit down I need to tell you, thank you for the gists and they are thoughtful, but remembering that time of my life is truly painful right now because it reminds me of some many friends who died. I am sure that one day I’ll have processed this an beable to remember their friendship fondly without so much pain but right now I can’t, so if we could not bring it up.
NAH
you did a cool thing. it will follow you around. try not to let it bother you when people bring it up. they think theyre bonding with you by finding common ground.
i worked for a large company that many people have intense opinions about. i stopped mentioning that i worked for this company to people who didnt already know because the reactions were extreme. unsolicited opinions, comments about how it must have been a fun job (they worked us to the bone), unsolicited dreams about unrelated things from my position, etc.
i was filmed for a tv show related to my job. i was laid off. the show aired. people were calling to congratulate me about it and i had to tell all of them that i didnt work there anymore.
that is life.
i was extremely bitter about being laid off from that job for years. to this day people ask me about my time working there. soon i will have not worked there for longer than i worked there.
for you, i think you should just say “i’m not a reenactor anymore, but i do miss my friends from that era who arent with us anymore” or something. should drop the convo pretty quick.
but also- talk to your mom again. “this brings up painful memories for me and i would prefer if you wouldn’t constantly bring it up”
good luck my friend. you did cool things even if thats not where you are anymore.
NTA. However, I will point out that if you haven’t given your family anything else to focus on in terms of conversation and gifting, they are going to struggle here.
You mention not being in re-enacting any more, but what have you picked up to replace it? If you haven’t… are you talking to someone about that? Even here on the other side of the ether, OP, you sound like you haven’t stopped grieving your friends and your hobby.
It doesn’t matter whether he found something else to focus on. He told his family point blank he doesn’t want to talk about it any longer. They can find someone/something else to talk about.
Nta the reenactment world is a weird and wacky place filled with some really great people. It’s okay to not to want to rehash it though. I used to do napoleonic reenactment, but im not really interested in reliving it, I just don’t bring it up. Easy way to stop the questions etc.
Perhaps a softer approach with your mum, have a calmer chat to get the point across and clear the air.
YTA
Yelling because you can’t handle being reminded of a hobby you held in the past with friends who passed away?
Dude, you need to learn how to habdle emotions. There are so many options besides burying them and blowing up
“Please do not do this, it makes me upset,” is a perfectly fine request, especially when OOP hasn’t done it in years.
NTA. I sorry you’ve lost friends, as well as lost interest in your hobby. At this point, you need to tell your family you don’t want to hear another word about it, and you don’t want anymore war-related gifts. Tell them you won’t accept them. I would tell them to drop it for good. If they continue, just stay away for awhile. It’s time to set a boundary and stick to it.
YTA. It’s okay for you to not want to talk about it, but I also don’t think that’s healthy. Those should be happy memories of friends you loved. I think you should probably look into dealing with your grief. That said, the main reason I called you the AH here is because you yelled at your parents. Again, please look into dealing with that grief. You should treasure those memories of people who have passed.
So what’s the “appropriate” thing when someone blatantly ignores you and dismisses your concerns? Let them keep doing it because they’re your parents?