(throwaway for privacy)
Just for a bit of context, I (19NB) currently live in a shared house with 5 friends, (all 19-21), we each have our own room but there’s a kitchen/living room as common spaces.
Recently, one of my friends, L (19F) has started seeing this guy, I’ll call R (21M), they’ve been "official" for about a week now, but R has been round almost every day of the week. R seems like a nice enough guy but he’s quite quiet an tends to just stand around awkwardly whenever we’re all together.
Two days ago, R was round at our house hanging out with L, and which point L decided to go out to a social event hosted by a theatre group at around 8pm, with L saying she’d be back by midnight if not later.
R was subsequently left in our house with me and a few others, and spent most most of his time standing around in our kitchen watching YouTube videos (so loud we could hear them from two floors up) or sitting on L’s bed doing college work. He intended to stay until L arrived home in four hours, at which point I assume he’d have spent the night with L.
Pretty much everyone in the house was weirded out by this: we’ve met R maybe four or so times before and he’s now left in our house for several hours. R lives within walking distance to our house (5-10 minutes) so there’s no reason why he can’t walk home. A few of my friends then asked me to tell him to leave, which I did and he obliged. I then received a very passive aggressive text from L about me asking him to leave.
AITA? I feel like it’s very poor etiquette to leave someone alone in a house full of people they don’t know.
Happy to clarify any questions you may have.
No. Guests should not stay without the host being home unless it was agreed upon by all roommates.
He is “camping”. More and more of this will happen.
If he was just in her space she pays for its fine nothing you can do aka stays in her room maybe uses the bathroom but standing in the kitchen is odd shit. NTA
NTA. It is super weird of him to expect to stay in your home all by himself.
Even ruder that L just let him without talking to ANYONE about it
NTA
Set clear boundaries and rules.
R can be in the house only when L is around. Period!!
Thus ‘no guest even BF, GF or any description can NOT be in the house when host is not present.’
Hope this helps.
Good luck
NTA. He does not live there. He has no reason to be there if she isn’t. In fact he doesn’t need to be there as much as he is even if she is there.
And he doesn’t live a thousand miles away! He lives right down the road!
Time for a housemate meeting about guests
NTA and you need to lay down ground rules about guests
NTA! I am so with you on how this is low-key kind of weird, especially with how short R and L been “official”. Just because they’re dating doesn’t mean that R is entitled to hang around the living space whenever he pleases, especially if other people live there. Not to mention, R wasn’t being considerate of anyone else in the house with the loud volume and such, so I think you had every right to ask R to leave. I definitely think your friends appreciated you stepping up when asked, so good for you! I would have if I were in this situation, thats for sure. I definitely think some boundaries would need to be set after this.
Did L ask you or the others in advance if you all were okay with R hanging around the house? If not, that would be even weirder, especially if you or anyone else in the house didn’t know R before he started dating L
NTA. its good y’all nipped it in the bud.
NTA
It’s bonkers to think a brand new boyfriend would be welcome in a shared house when the partner is not there. And L being passive-aggressive? They need to GTFO.
L and R are being ridiculous. You and rest of roommates are absolutely right to have asked R to leave and you all should set ground rules now about this. This is big time asshole behavior from L and R.
NTA
When L gets her own place, her guests can hang out when she’s not home if she wants.
In a shared space, guests need to leave when their host leaves.