I (39F) am married to (38M). We have two kids, which means things can get pretty busy during the week.
On most nights of the week I’d prefer if he joined me in bed. Which sometimes cuts into his time with his friends I guess. So if they’re playing a game together or something, and I tell him I’m tired and going to go to sleep, he usually gets off and comes to bed.
I guess my husbands friends don’t like that I’m taking away from their time, because when I let him know sometime last weekend I was going to go to bed, I heard one of them say “Oh it’s her *again*.” (I guess they were on a call or something) but he still got off the game. I asked him if he thought I was taking away from time with his friends and he said “no” in a way that wasn’t convincing. And he seemed kind of miffed in general while we wers talking about it. But there’s no reason he’d rather play games than cuddle with *me*
AITA?
One hour old account. Man they REALLY wanted to make this post.
Or…. OP IS A BOT.
Wheres the gain from that post as a bot?
Bot post is bot
INFO: How many nights a week does he seem to spend the late evenings with his friends vs spending them fully with you? Have you two actually sat down and talked to each other about you wanting him there when you’re ready to go to sleep even if he seemingly isn’t?
As it is at this specific moment, it sounds like it could go either way on he genuinely doesn’t mind leaving them to go to bed with you and is just expressing frustration because his friends are making comments about it (which he should be shutting down regardless) or you’re somehow giving a tone of “if you don’t join me I’ll be upset and you know it” and he doesn’t want to start that potential argument
YTA because you’re a bot, stfu
NTA he has some miserable friends though, I’m guessing they’re single
NTA, but find a way to express gratitude. He is not cuddling because he wants to cuddle, he is cuddling because he loves you and this is important to you. I’m sure he enjoys it too, but that’s not why he does it.
Thank him and appreciate him and find some specific thing that you go out of your way to do for him because you love him. Make sure he knows just how much this means to you. Say all the stuff you leave unsaid.
I literally tuck my partner into bed, then cuddle until they fall asleep. Then I get back up and game or whatever for a couple of hours. There are specific things like that that they do for me because they care.
do you have a girl’s night? can you let your partner enjoy some time with their friends literally from your home at minimal cost or risk while you’re literally unconscious? there’s a loving term for this in the adult gaming community called “wife aggro”. giving someone shit for it is par for the course, they’d do it relentlessly no matter what you think he could theoretically be saying, that’s normal. let him have a bit of him time. please.
ESH. Him for not being honest that he’d prefer video games with friends some nights, and you for making him go to bed when you’re the one who’s tired.
When we first got married my wife made it very clear that she has first dibs on my time. I made this very clear to my friends after discussing this with my wife. That being said, she also understands that I am going to stay up late on Friday and Saturday nights to spend some extra time with my friends.
I’m betting your husband understands what you want and is agreeing to it because he wants to. He’s even willing to shrug off the ribbing for you. Don’t feel bad because I’m sure he doesn’t. You’re NTA for wanting some quality time with your significant other.
#more context is needed
Have you specifically asked that he join you for bed when you’re heading to sleep? Or is this something he does on his own accord? If you’re not specifically tell him to come to bed but *subtly* hint at it… or make passive aggression comments …I have to say YTA.
That being said, without anymore information, it sounds like NTA since he’s a a middle-aged man who can make his own decisions when it comes to his “bedtime”
Yeah, you better pray and encourage he has friendships outside your marriage. If he loses them now, chances are he won’t get many in the future.