okay for context, i used to smoke weed ALOT every morning to every night for i think 5 months. But i stopped less than a year ago, was just something i did for fun and because i was around people who smoked weed alot (im young). Its a big regret of mine because i have VERY bad memory because of it. I’ll place something down and then boom a minute later im looking for it. i had notebooks for school and i put them in a drawer and forgot where i put them few days later. So im not sure if this is normal or i need to get it checked or what, but fast forward to now. Me and my boyfriend are on call and im really tired, we are talking and i asked him to do something which (he thought) involved sending me a voice message. it was taking a long time, so i asked him why he didnt just do it on call. He SWEARS up and down i told him to send me a voice message but i have NO recollection of saying that at all. And things just like this happend a whole lot in the past aswell and i just dont understand. It comes to a point where we are just simply having a conversation and i say something and he checks me on it and we have a big argument because i genuinely dont remember saying it. PLEASE tell me what i need to do if its me, or him.. like do i need to go to the doctor for my memory?? sorry if this is long.
You’re not crazy, and this doesn’t automatically mean either of you is lying or malicious. Short-term memory issues like what you’re describing can happen with heavy past weed use, lack of sleep, stress, or anxiety, especially when you’re young and still developing routines. That said, if this is frequent and affecting your relationships, it is worth talking to a doctor just to rule things out and get peace of mind.
What matters here is how it’s handled. Forgetting something you said isn’t gaslighting if it’s unintentional and acknowledged. But constantly turning it into an argument instead of a “hey, let’s slow down and clarify” moment will only make it worse for both of you. A practical fix might be confirming things in text or repeating important requests so neither of you has to rely on memory alone.
This sounds less like an AITA situation and more like a communication + health concern. You’re not wrong for being concerned, and he’s not wrong for being confused—but this needs empathy and solutions, not blame. I hope this helps and I hope you well on figuring out the solution. Goodluck 🤞🏻
Do you have this issue with anybody else?
Ehh i dont really talk to anyone else as much as i talk to him so not really.
Do you still smoke? You need to stop completely. It can take up to two years for your body to completely recover. Also, declutter. A clean house/apartment will help you keep things in order. Also, see a doctor.
Noppee i haven’t smoked in less than a year, once i moved away from the people i was around. The memory thing feels like its just gotten worse from then honestly.
Butt i am considering seeing a doctor at this point so thank you
First of all, smoking for a few months is very unlikely to have permanently damaged your memory. Especially if you stopped less than a year ago. Mild forgetfulness can happen when you’re tired, stressed, anxious, or even just distracted…
The situation you described (being tired on a call and misremembering something small) is honestly very normal. It doesn’t automatically mean you have a medical issue.
That said, if this is happening frequently and causing arguments, it might help to slow down communication. Maybe clarify things in the moment (“wait, I don’t remember saying that, can we rewind?”) instead of jumping straight into conflict..
If you’re genuinely worried about your memory overall — not just with him there’s no harm in mentioning it to a doctor for peace of mind. But from what you described, this sounds more like normal human miscommunication + fatigue than brain damage..
Also important: if disagreements always turn into you doubting your own memory, pay attention to that dynamic. It should feel safe to say “I don’t remember that” without it becoming a huge fight..
This can be very common with people who stop smoking and especially if you have ADHD. And even more so if you have ADHD as a woman. If you are concerned about it effecting your day to day life then Id get a check with your primary.
As someone who has pretty bad memory problems I write EVERYTHING down. In my notes app, calendar, diary, or fridge. It’s very helpful!
Is there a possibility that he heard you wrong? It could just be a simple mishap. Or vise versa? People underestimate forgetfulness and how it can be a problem not only to ourselves but our loved ones as well. Sorry you’re going through this I hope you find a solution.
100p not related to weed after only 5 months of smoking. you should still see a doctor
Info. Do these forgetting incidents happen with other people… or ONLY with him/in places he has access to?
Not ONLY him but he is the one that points it out because i talk to him often, ive done stupid stuff because of my memory in many different circumstances. Im just so bummed out and dont know what to do
If your memory is bad enough to be regularly causing you problems in everyday life, yes, you should see a doctor about it. Apart from that, maybe record a few of your conversations to check if your memory of them is correct.
NAH. Human memory is squishy for the best of us. Almost all of us have that experience of someone telling us something, and us not remembering it. Sometimes they are able to bring receipts — some sort of evidence that they did say it and you forgot; sometimes they don’t. And I don’t knkw which is more uncomfortable.
Gaslighting is a thing — if someone is messing with your head to manipulate you, deliberately telling you things that aren’t real and trying to get you to believe it, that is bad. But mostly, this is just normal stuff.
Take notes, make to-do lists. If I didn’t write down that my wife told me something, it may as well not have happened.
That’s just normal. So do that. If it’s important, write it down. In the same place, like a whiteboard. Something attached to a wall so you can’t lose it.