I’m still trying to figure out if I handled this badly or if I just let my frustration get the better of me.
A few weeks ago, a guy I know (we’re friendly but not super close) asked me for a favor. He was in a tight spot and needed help with something that would save him time and money. It was inconvenient for me, but not impossible, and I agreed because I genuinely wanted to help him out. I made it clear from the start that I was doing this as a favor and that I was putting myself out a bit to do it.
At first, everything seemed fine. But as time went on, the situation started changing in ways I hadn’t agreed to. He kept adding new expectations, changing details last minute, and acting like I owed him instead of helping voluntarily. When I raised concerns, he brushed them off and told me I was overthinking.
The the bigger issue is that his actions started putting me in a position that felt risky for me legally and personally. I won’t go into identifying details, but it was the kind of situation where if something went wrong, I’d be the one dealing with the consequences, not him. I told him clearly that I was was uncomfortable continuing unless things were scaled back to what we originally agreed on.
Instead of understanding, he got defensive. He accused me of trying to back out, said I was being dramatic, and implied that I was leaving him stranded after promising to help. He also made comments that felt like he was trying to guilt me into continuing, even after I explained why the situation had become serious for me.
At that point, I decided to stop helping altogether. I didn’t do it abruptly I gave him notice and told him he’d need to make other arrangements but I did step away.
Now he’s telling mutual acquaintances that I screwed him over and that he can’t believe I’d abandon him after agreeing to help. A few people have hinted that I should’ve just followed through since I already started.
I feel conflicted. I did agree to help initially, but I don’t think I agreed to put myself in a potentially critical situation, especially when it felt like he was taking advantage of my willingness and minimizing my concerns.
So… AITA for backing out of a favor once it became more serious and risky than what I signed up for?
INFO: What kind of favor was he asking for that had legal consequences? Cause tbh the second I knew there was something legal to it I would’ve noped out.
With zero context, nta.
NTA
Tell your friends that if they don’t mind being involved in a bait and switch operation, they’re more than welcome to step up.
You’re NTA for backing out of an agreement once it changed, but a little bit of an asshole for being so vague and leaving out the juicy details
The the bigger issue is that his actions started putting me in a position that felt risky for me legally and personally.
That would be an immediate tap out for me.
NTA.
The minute the changed the details is when you were no longer obligated to stick to your agreement to help him. His new requirements changed the entire situation. NTA
NTA. He changed the terms of the agreement. That’s on him. You are never the AH for backing out of activities that put you at risk. Tell your friends he was changing what he asked of you and putting you at risk. If they give you trouble, tell them they are welcome to step up and help him out.
you gotta be more specific. this is literally no information.
NTA Keep it short and sweet (at least initially) when explaining things to mutuals. you agreed to one thing then he changed what wanted to something else that you hadn’t agreed to — something risky where the consequences would fall on you. Then he acted entitled about it.
You are not going to meekly accept a bait and switch where you are treated badly for not just going along with things like a sucker. Him doubling down and calling in support from people he’s misled about the situation isn’t going to get you to cave either. If they want to know your side you can explain in more detail.
NTA. The manipulation and gaslighting is a huge 🚩
This is not someone I would want to have any kind of relationship with in the future, even as a casual acquaintance.
There really is not any information to make a meaningful judgement on. 🤷 What were the risks, what in his ask changed that would have left you “dealing with the consequences,” etc.
You want a judgement based on this risky situation, you have to give some context on what the risky situation is.
YTA for zero context
Not enough info to render an opinion. 🤷🏻♀️
NTA This is so generic there no way to really decide anything. Bottom line is you are allowed to change your mind if you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation. Him slamming you for it is probably why no one else helped, they knew what to expect.