I’m visiting my sister’s Home for a while while I move house. She has a young non-verbal autistic child. I try to help with chores but often she declines it. The dad is kind of a wasteman knob but I’m nice to him cause he’s still family.
Anyway I’m usually in the living room sorting housing stuff on the phone, twice now the dad has taken the kid into the hall to get him dressed for school and walking him. Minutes later my sister comes in screaming angrily, The dad is upstairs in the toilet and the kid is off out the front door.
Both times I instantly ran out to bring him back, the dad refused, Gaslighting, Saying she should’ve been watching him. (She was cleaning) Anyway both times she locked us both out saying we’re equally to blame for not being vigilant. I do understand the sentiment.
Now last few days she keeps being all passive aggressive to me for what happened, but I wasn’t even in the room or part of the situation. I thought he was getting him ready and don’t know why he left. I wanna defend myself a little here, but should I just accept blame?
I’m definitely gonna be watching them get ready myself from now on, Even though it annoys the dad for me to be there, He’s like “I can handle it myself” but clearly not
NTA. But you’re going to catch blame just for being another adult in the house—easier to blame the both of you rather than just the father who likely doesn’t pull his weight.
NTA. You caught a stray here.
NTA
I would have to have this out with my sister. She should not be allowed to muddle her need to blame.
I don’t know how you tolerate this bs.
NTA. Your sister is struggling with a crummy partner. It’s kind of you to give her grace and accept her big feelings, but you can know in your heart that this is about her lackluster husband and stress, not you.
NTA. Excuse me, this grown adult who has a child is throwing things in a tantrum DAYS later over something you didn’t even do? Don’t offer to help again. Ever.
NTA You need to have a Fido with your sister. He never told you he had to leave his son alone so you could keep an eye out. It may also be time to accelerate your move plans. Your sister taking out on you the fact she has a shitty partner will only get worse.
Hello! NTA for me, because you really couldn’t have known he’d leave him unsupervised, since he was supposed to be taking care of him, dressing him, etc.
I think your sister must be exhausted and quite alone regarding the distribution of the mental load (just guesses, of course!) if you say that when she criticizes him for his lack of involvement, he gaslights her.
I think you’ve also been on the receiving end of the storm, because she must feel like she’s the only one paying attention to everything.
I think you should still apologize and explain to her that it wasn’t malicious to let her husband handle things.
However, this child needs to be supervised for his own good, by any adult present in the room; you never know…
NTA- Your sister is probably just tired it can be exhausting being the only reliable parent for a special needs child. Admitting this can be hard, she maybe embarrassed by what you’re seeing or tired of yelling at her husband.
Maybe help by purchasing a toddler safe door lock that gets installed at the top of the door. At least it’ll give her once less thing to stress about.
NTA. Nothing you say is going to matter. Keep your eyes open for the child simply because it’s not their fault and they shouldn’t get hurt. Otherwise keep it short and sweet with them both, get things sorted ASAP.
NTA. She is being TA because she is sick of having you stay there and she is annoyed at her husband, so she is transferring her misplaced anger on you.
NTA, I can’t even give my thoughts on the actual situation because I’m so worried for this kid. that dad is gonna make your sisters life and especially their sons life miserable. autistic people are more likely to experience trauma and to be considerably impacted by trauma, especially when it happens early in life. and the way this dads acting is almost guaranteed to cause lasting trauma. if this is how the dad is reacting to this, I can’t imagine how he might react to a meltdown or more “challenging” behaviors. and locking you and the sister out of the house? presumably with the kid locked in the house with him? I personally would be so worried.
Do more around the house because you don’t need to ask if she needs help. You just do the dishes and vacuum. Your sister is obviously overwhelmed and you are contributing to that. Soft YTA.
NTA, although everyone should keep an eye out for little kids as they move fast. As an aunt I’d tell her you’ll keep a closer eye out but you’ve already caught him twice so you are watching. Also, this isn’t a good situation so I’d either ask for a meeting to discuss with them what would be most helpful for you to do, or if that’s futile, couch surfing elsewhere till you have a new place.