this is kind of a long one
im 19 female
in january 2025 i moved out of my parents house because we do not have a good relationship.
i crashed with my friend(who ill call R), and their mom, who owns the house.
living with R was fine at first but within the past 4 months there were some obstacles that made living together difficult. basically R couldnt stand me by the end of january 2026. The way I eat, my schedule, my values, and more got on their nerves, even though it really had nothing to do with them. it seems like everything ticked R off. I tried to be an easier person and not get in the way, but eventually I just gave up.
in addition, i work full time. R doesnt work. R’s mom had lost her job about half a year ago. so she was charging me rent which is fine but i want to save up for an apartment this summer.
just last week, my childhood best friend(who i’ll call T) and her parents had offered for me to live with them. weve been friends for a decade. its kind of farther away from my work but it’s fine because they wouldnt charge me rent and finally R could have me gone.
R’s mom’s birthday is today. me and R got her a gift a couple days ago, and were planning for me to come visit R’s house to come give the gift to R’s mom together.
Important Points:
\-I moved in yesterday. exhausted, lots of driving, carrying, and organising.
\-T’s house and R’s house are about 30 minutes away
\-today was my first time going from T’s house to my work.
\-I had work at 7p today.
\-I would have to drive 30min to R’s house, then 10min to work.
I mentioned these points to R, and that driving to the house and back would be too much after moving in. it would be 45min of driving, and I hate driving.
basically R insisted that I do visit at 6p today because R’s mom gave me a place to live for a year, and me not visiting in person would mean i don’t appreciate it enough.
I didn’t visit, but I did call R’s mom to wish her happy birthday and thank her for everything.
something R said was „you really think were going to stay in touch? then you do sh\*t like this”.
am i the butthole in this situation? T doesn’t think so but I dont know.
Tell them both to grow up.
Or, better, just move on with your life (which you seem to be doing, tbf) and cut them out of it.
Any logical person would agree packing all day and working a shift the next day is a lot and no one is entitled to your time
yep, you could have visited, you had to travel to work which is in that direction. YTA.
YTA, you could have taken the time to visit.
NTA You got her a gift and you called.