My gf of 1 year has gifted me things that I never in a million years expected or wanted, after clearly communicating to her my wants and desires. For Xmas 2025, she gifted me hand soap… yes hand soap. After I told her that in her house, she should have hand soap in her bathroom. She thought I was asking for hand soap for Xmas. What kind of person wants soap for Xmas? Few months later on my bday, she gifts me a pillow, chocolates (which I hate chocolate and have told her this before) and a poorly written note with 2 sentences. I have always gone above and beyond for her gifts, putting much thought and money into them. I seriously don’t feel like she understands my wants and desires. She’s not a bad person but I feel like she’s not thoughtful like I am. I told her about the Xmas gift and she felt bad and always pays the bill whenever we’d go out for food. Additionally, she said that she “didn’t have time” to get me a good gift which is a sorry excuse. All my ex gfs have been thoughtful when it comes to these things. I’m not materialistic but I just want her to consider my true requests instead of whatever she thinks I’ll like. AITA?
If you value gifts, and she doesn’t, then you’re not compatible. I see so many posts from people years into a marriage still bemoaning not getting thoughtful gifts. Does she seem open to change? If not, move on. NTA.
Q: Is she thoughtful in other ways?
Sounds like you really value gift giving as a way to show love, but perhaps she is showing her affection in other ways? I personally am terrible at choosing presents for people, I never know what they’ll want, but I show my love for people through acts of service. Could you try putting less emphasis on the gifts, and consider the other ways she’s showing affection for you? Or perhaps the two of you could talk it out, and you could explain that she has made you feel uncared for and like an afterthought?
After only 1 year it’s default to do what they’ve asked for. It takes a long time of knowing someone to go freestyle on a gift and even then it’s sometimes a miss so.
Little details matter after a year so not knowing what you don’t like, basic things like chocolate is a red flag and the hand soap…that smacks of a gag gift or laziness…good person but meh on the execution?
The fact you’re writing this is a red flag in itself
NTA, if she picks bad gifts, she needs to know it.
INFO:
Are you hinting at gifts or outright saying “buy me this please”? She may be a crap gift giver, which will drive you up a wall. She may not value gift giving which will drive you up a wall. You said she does other things to show you love, so maybe that’s her thing? Rather than telling her later that her gift was horrible, making her feel bad, sit down and explain that gifts are important to you.
Like someone else said, if this isn’t something she is good at, you have to decide, is this a hill to d\*e on, or is this something you can deal with in the future. She isn’t going to suddenly become romance incarnate, giving Santa Claus a run for his money any time soon.
Wait…..Christmas of 2025 she gave ypu soap, then “a few months later on my birthday”……..dude, Christmas wasnt even a few months ago my guy….is this post even real?
It was a few months from Xmas to his birthday