I’ll try to keep this short, but it needs a backstory.
I, 34F live away from my home country, while my parents and older brother, 36, all live in my home country, in the same city.
I come back to my home country every 3 or so years to visit. I’ve been away 12 years.
My parents are happily divorced and with long term partners. They are amicable.
My brother and I are both single and childless.
For this year’s trip back home, we had decided on a 7 day family cruise. Myself, my brother, my Mum and her bf, my Dad and his gf. It’s the first holiday we have done altogether as a mixed family, which is why we booked a cruise. (We all have rather different interests, so it seemed fitting we can all do separate daytime activities and meet in the evening for dinner. Not to mention, less time forced to spend together and less chance of small disputes)
We booked 4 rooms; 1 for Mum and her bf, 1 for Dad and his gf, 1 for brother and 1 for me.
My dear mother made a mistake on the booking and my brother is now without a room. His booking was not processed and we have 5 days before we disembark. There is little chance of him getting a last minute booking.
My mother calls in a panic and asks me to share my room with my brother. Something important to note, my brother and I dont get along at the best of times. He’s spent the last decade as a very successful drug addict, and the last 2 trips i had back home he was either verbally abusive due to drug use, or completely and utterly on another planet. I can no longer trust him to be on ‘normal behaviour’ so to speak.
So, I do not want to share a room with him, regardless of whether he is clean or not. Sadly, his personality has permanent changed for the worse after so long of abusing drugs.
The next option; share a room with my Mother. This is something I also don’t want to do. Whilst we get along, I know 7 days in a room with my mother will inevitably result in an argument. There is a lot of unresolved history about her defending my brother’s behaviour when he was on drugs. From my point of view, whoever I share a room with will lead to a family holiday of moods and conflict.
As much as I want to be easygoing, I’m being realistic with what would most likely happen.
On to the, ‘am I an asshole?’. I turned down both room sharing ideas, meaning my brother will not be able to come. My mother has now said she will not come either, and her bf will follow suite.
I feel largely guilt tripped by this whole situation and very bothered by my brother once again, taking precedent.
This is the first time i have been back to my home town since 2023, and my Mother is threatening to back out of the trip, unless I suck it up and share a room.
Should I just suck it up and share? Or, forever be blamed for ruining a family holiday?
Nta, let them blame you, and enjoy the cruise with dad and his gf, sounds like it will be a better experience without them.
It’s never acceptable to expect you to share with a drug addict, if nothing else you’ll end up with missing valuables.
NTA but why can’t your brother share a room with your mother?
And OP would then share with her mother’s fella?
Hell fucking no! I can’t think of anything worse than being TRAPPED AT SEA with a dysfunctional family member sharing a tiny little WINDOWLESS room.
It might as well be a floating asylum.
NTA, protect your peace.
INFO:
1) Who has put down the money for all this? If everyone has paid for themselves already, and you have paid for a single room, then let your mother do as she wishes.
If your parent/s paid for it all, then you have the option of not going, because if you go, then your mother could decide to go after all and thus force you into a fait accompli – you’ll have no choice but to share with someone.
2) What does your dad say about all this?
Again, if you don’t want to go, you don’t have to go.
Edited: clarity.
If your brother is not booked he can’t get on the boat regardless of who shares what. They are pretty strict about these things. If you book a room you don’t get to bring along just anyone you like? I would go on the cruise. If your mother wants to waste a room that’s on her. Have fun with your father instead. NTA.
NTA your mother messed up the booking, its on her to figure out a solution that doesn’t impact you
NTA, and go for option 3. Your mother gets the blame for ruining the family holiday. It’s her booking error and lack of follow-through that killed this. Don’t accept responsibility for something that’s not your fault.
She’s trying to do a bait-and-switch on you. You accepted a cruise where you get your own cabin. Now, she’s trying to foist a different cruise on you where you have to share. You have no obligation whatsoever to agree.
You know, most cabins aren’t limited to two people. Your mum could remedy this by sharing her cabin with her partner and your brother.
Why are you being the one forced to share a room? Why can’t your mother or father share a room with you brother? If your mother is the one who screwed up the reservation, then she can be the one to accommodate her child that was left out.
NTA – but … with a family member that already makes excuses for the drug addict; it really doesn’t matter. You will likely be vilified for not bending to the whims of others, despite reality.
Because when bad behavior is excused, those who don’t go along pay the price. It doesn’t seem to matter what country you’re in or from. That is how Epstein happened.
This makes no sense. How do you book 4 rooms, but only 3 of them actually process? That doesn’t happen. Someone fucked up.
In the post, it said OP’s mom made the mistake. Or maybe she did it on purpose to save money, and expected OP to just go along with it.
NTA. But I’m confused… why can’t your mom and her boyfriend share a room with your brother?
After all, it’s your mom’s mistake in booking that caused him to not have a room.
> His booking was not processed and we have 5 days before we disembark.
Before you embark, right?