Hi Reddit, this is a long story but I’m going to include the most important bits.
My mother began dating her fiancé 3 years ago. Here’s all the bad crap that has happened since they began dating on and off.
* Fiancé’s daughter-A (16F) bullied my sister (16F), slept with her bf at the time, and got into an argument at our house. She called everyone derogatory names and tried to fight my sister. My mother wanted my sister to forgive daughter A. This is how we found out my mother was dating her fiancé
* My mother would share instances of her fiancé ignoring her for days at a time when he was in a bad mood
* When my grandmother came to visit from abroad she asked about their future plans as a couple. Fiancé viewed her questions as prying and refused to return to our house until my grandmother left
* My mother became pregnant and had to beg him to buy her a breast pump
* I vividly remember my mother laughing and her fiancé snapping at her saying “don’t laugh like that again”
* Fiancé was accused of inappropriately touching his daughter’s A/B (twins 16F) as babies. The daughter’s stories have flip-flopped. Recent stance is that it never happened. Fiancé claims his ex lied for custody. My mother insists he passed his polygraph test.
* Their baby passed and I saw my mum hysterical bc she thought he was going to steal their baby’s ashes.
* Before Christmas 2025, fiancé and his daughter C (M2F 24) came over to “mediate”. The mediation ended with an argument because daughter C was disrespecting me, my sister, and my grandmother. Daughter C said I was “unworthy of respect” and “a disappointment” because I don’t like her father nor was I ready to talk. My mum did not intervene until it almost became physical.
* Fiancé’s daughter B lied that my sister posted transphobic comments on her instagram. My mother assumed it was true with no evidence and not listening to my sister’s side.
They intended to marry summer 2026 and live in separate houses because our families cannot get along. My mother has shared he is the first man to always call her beautiful, support her, intellectually stimulate her, etc.
Truly fiancé’s family has been repeatedly disrespectful and from the outside he’s not a great partner. Yet, my family is expected to forgive and “not stand in the way of love” (that was seriously quoted to me). His daughters have yet to apologize to us and we are currently in family therapy because of this.
I feel crazy because my mother and I used to be close but for the first time ever I feel as if I’m unsupported and alone. I know my mother needs a life outside of being a parent but this relationship has wrecked my family. Most of my family will not be attending the wedding but I feel like this will irreversibly damage the relationship between me and my mother. I need advice because family therapy is going so slow.
So Reddit, WIBTA if I don’t attend my mother’s wedding to her terrible fiancé?
We all know it’s going to be a continued shit show no matter what she does or what you do, so go ahead and skip the farcical wedding
NTA Honestly, you probably shouldn’t go. You know what’s going to happen and you should try to avoid it.
The toxicity won’t help you throughout the rest of your life. I know you’re young but just steer away from family arguments before the house comes falling down.
NTA. Honestly, your mom sounds like she needs therapy, not a wedding. If this guy is the best man she’s ever found, she’s made shitty choices in partners so far. That’s something a therapist could help her unpack.
NTA – It’s just sad that your mum doesn’t see what her soon to be husband and his family is doing to you and your family. He’s a control freak who acts like a toddler when your grandma just wants to know about him more, scolding your mum for being herself and taking it out on her if he’s having a bad day.
And as someone who’s dad did date someone that everyone except my dad hated (bit of a long story, but thankfully not to the point of borderline domestic violence), having both your side of the family and your mum’s partner’s side clash like oil and water only causes tension and isolation.
I hope this marriage gets annulled and that your mum dumps his pathetic ass, along with giving him a DVO and RO. I wouldn’t at all be surprised if he did have a criminal record have any orders against him. This man is a walking red flag.
YTA. Yeah, this sounds like a mistake that your mom is making. But all you can do is gently point out that this isn’t healthy and encourage her to see a therapist because she clearly has some issues with her self-worth. But beating up on her by boycotting her wedding isn’t going to help. She feels like he’s the only person who loves her. By refusing to be with her when she’s asked you to, you’re just reinforcing that point. Going to the wedding doesn’t have to mean you think the marriage is a good idea, it just means you’re showing up for her when she asked you to.
NTA, but if your relationship with your mother is important to you, suck it up and go. Keep your distance from his family to keep the peace, and remember that you don’t have to support their relationship to support your mom. You’ll likely regret not being there for her on her big day.
Whether or not she’s making a mistake to marry this guy, the wedding is going to happen, and the best you can do is maintain the distance you need to protect your peace while showing up for your mom as much as you are able, so she knows she’s still loved and supported outside of this relationship. The rest is unfortunately up to her.
You can’t control *her* choices, but you’re the one who’s going to have to live with yours. Will you be able to forgive yourself if you don’t go, and it compounds the distance between you?
You don’t get to choose who your mother’s going to be, but you get to choose what kind of daughter and person *you* want to be. Whatever you decide to do, make sure it’s in alignment with the version of yourself you most want to be, regardless of how others are behaving. Don’t let shitty people dictate your choices.