For the story, call me Ellie (32F). My cousin is Melanie (36F). When I got engaged, Melanie, who is a hairstylist, was thrilled. She kept insisting she wanted to do my hair and all of my bridesmaids’ hair. I was hesitant at first because mixing family and vendor roles can get messy, but she kept saying she really wanted it to be my wedding gift.
So I said yes… and asked her to be a bridesmaid too. She bought the dress, and everything seemed fine. A few months later, she flew into town to party with friends and told me that while she was in town, she’d swing by and do a trial run of my hair. She never showed. Later, she told me not to worry; she’d practice the weekend of the wedding.
Meanwhile, around my wedding, she somehow managed to plan multiple vacations and schedule a BBL for the week after. But when it came time to book her hotel and rental car for my wedding, suddenly she couldn’t afford to come.
She told me that if she couldn’t stay at my house (where every bed and couch was already assigned) and if I couldn’t pick her up from the airport, then she wouldn’t be able to make it.I told her I did not have the space or time. The week before your wedding is chaos.
So she said fine, she wasn’t coming, and I’d need to find another hairstylist. I PANICKED. It was last-minute. I scrambled and managed to book someone and sent the details in the bridesmaids’ group chat. Melanie LOST IT.
She said if I could afford to hire a stylist, I could afford to rent her a car and get her an Airbnb as a thank-you for doing everyone’s hair. But… she had already told me she wasn’t coming. I stopped responding because I had a literal wedding in days. Then she started calling family members, telling them I had uninvited her.
Suddenly, I’m getting calls asking why I would do something so cruel. One aunt even canceled her RSVP because she said she didn’t want to attend a wedding where I would treat family like that. Some relatives were on my side and said Melanie was being ridiculous, but the drama would not stop. Five days before the wedding, Melanie called my cousin Nate (48 M), who is also an usher, and he said she could stay with him and he’d drive her. By this point, I was FURIOUS. Exhausted. Hurt. Embarrassed that people thought I was some bridezilla monster. So I told Nate I didn’t want her there anymore.
Nate backed me up and told her if I didn’t want her at my wedding, she shouldn’t come.
Now Melanie is demanding I pay her back for the bridesmaid dress, and about half my family thinks I’m the asshole because “she figured it out in the end” and I should have let her come.
But I feel like she:
* bailed on the hair trial
* bailed on coming
* made my week hell
* turned my family against me
She only solved the logistics after blowing everything up. AITA for finally putting my foot down and saying, ‘Don’t come’? I keep going back and forth between feeling justified and feeling like I detonated a bomb in my family.
NTA. But something is missing. Maybe its just she realize her “gift” was WAYYY too much?
NTA, she sounds like a drama queen
NTA, honestly
INFO: Am I missing something here? You didn’t uninvite her. She said she couldn’t come.
She did but then figured something out last minute but at that point bride said not to come. I think that is why she is saying uninvite. But really, cousin bailed.
she did uninvite her, AFTER the cousin said she couldn’t come. please read the post
NTA
Bridesmaidzilla…is that a word?
That’s what your cousin was.
NTA.
you shouldn’t have flamed her in the group chat with her in it. it would’ve been most appropriate to start a new group without her especially because she wasn’t a bridesmaid anymore
it should’ve been a clearer line out to her like “if you can no longer do the hair, that’s really frustrating (and i feel that you would have honored a true client better than you’ve treated me! i would have loved to but i do not have the last minute accommodations to make this work and wish you had been more communicative in your needs.) however, i understand sometimes things happen, or budgets get out of whack. you will be missed!”
to let her know it was her behavior, not the finances
i don’t think that she would’ve tried to come at all if you didn’t “embarrass her” by telling your friends what she did. (in reality she embarrassed herself with her own actions obviously)
you could’ve corrected her on the spot when she came sideways looking for money “i actually dont have a budget for a stylist, I thought I was getting the best wedding present ever. at this point im having trouble trusting your word especially after you bailed on the trial and then the wedding.”
still, while you could’ve done better communicating and theoretically a little forethought probably could’ve prevented this, (and you’re probably a bit blind to your own tone) you legitimately didn’t do anything wrong and this is super shitty of her obviously
NTA, she was going to do your hair as a wedding gift.
Also didn’t seem to prioritize you or your upcoming wedding in the weeks leading up, cancelled on you, then got offended when you found a replacement to do your hair when it’s for an event she wasn’t going to attend???
NTA
I don’t seriously, after all her I’m coming. I’m not coming that she was going to do your hair or if she actually did she would end up charging you in the end.
NTA Melanie is a mess. She flaked on being your hairstylist AND a bridesmaid.
I would write up a concise list of all this, and just copy paste that to anyone mad at you.
NTA
She is chaos
Copy and paste your post into the family chat.
NTA. Melanie is a bum. She offered it as a gift and then still wanted something from you, that gut feeling you had was letting you know.
NTA….. when she bailed from the practice run… she told you, you were not important enough to keep her promise… even if you allowed her to come to your wedding, she would bring the drama!
May you have the wedding of your dreams and may your happiness last a lifetime… tell your soon to be husband to kiss the bride for your friends on Redit!
Happy Dreams