My sister 28f and I 25m have been pretty close for our lives but when she brought home her new boyfriend to Christmas dinner 8 years ago a lot changed. He seemed sweet at first but once my sister had their kid he switched, he started drinking a bunch and smoking a lot. He barely spent anytime with his daughter and my sister had to take on most of the responsibilities. My whole family hosted a Super Bowl party, when I walked in my sister boyfriend was already drunk and cussing out his 8 yr old daughter over spilling a little bit of water on the floor of the house he doesn’t own. I cleaned the water up and comforted my niece. Next time he saw me he cussed me out for not making her clean it up herself. I explained to him that he was yelling at her over a little spilled water and she was balling her eyes out. Near the end of the party I pull my sister aside and tell her what happened and that he was being a dick. She ended up telling me off and going home. AITAH?
NTA. Be a safe adult for your niece. Get her out of the house as much as you can and away from that environment.
NTA
NTA.
But you need to be careful on how you manage the situation. Abused partners can easily run into the arms of their abuser and cut out family.
Be supportive of your sister and let her know you’ll always be there.
Probably worth researching a little rather than being aggressive about it.
Just because you can see what he’s like sadly doesn’t mean she does.
Your poor niece though, thank god you stick up for her against her horrible father. He sounds awful.
NTA
NTA – even if she doesn’t like it, keep pointing out his bad behavior
NTA.
First of all, the fact that I have to say “sister’s boyfriend” when they have an 8yo means yes he is an AH.
It’s not your job to discipline your niece, so it is absolutely fine that you helped with the spill and comforted her.
I’m not going to call your sister an AH for “telling you off” about it, because she’s obviously in a difficult position. She knows who her BF is, and how he acts. She may still need to hear it from others, because it validates her own perception, but that doesn’t make it easy to hear.
The sister is however the massive AH for letting her boyfriend treat her daughter like that.
NTA
NTA, I feel sorry for your niece and hope you can be there to be a safety net. He sounds like an awful husband and especially an awful father. Dick is probably the nicest thing you could’ve said to describe him.
>my sister boyfriend was already drunk and cussing out his 8 yr old daughter over spilling a little bit of water
You *could* make a case that the 8 year old is being neglected, and abused by her drunk dad. Your sister becomes combative when you confront her with the truth of the situation, so someone has to be the adult in the room.
Your sister is an adult, and is not ready to see or do anything about the situation she is in. But her 8 year old daughter is the real victim here, without choice, or support, and at the daily mercy of her abusive father.
Sounds like a moment for intervention.
NTA
NTA. Your sister needs to be reminded that she can do better than a man who drinks and smokes too much and yells at his child over spilt water. Let her know that if she needs you you will be there. Especially if she decides to leave this prick. Never say I told you so and try to remain and understanding sibling and uncle.
NTA – key thing here is to make sure your niece knows she is safe with you, and ensure she has a way to get in touch if necessary (I assume they don’t live too far from you at this point?)
NTA you showed a lot of restraint and patience not going off on him. Hopefully your sister sees him for what he is and not what he was. The problem with you bringing it up to her is that it will likely push her towards him then keep her away. I would see what other family members think and go from there. The next time he goes off on you or other family members, I would ask him to leave. Personally, I am the kind of person that would match his energy.
No she may not want to hear it but she needs too