I’ve been with my boyfriend for a couple years now, and because of that I’ve been forming a relationship with his parents who may one day be my in-laws.
Things have been going well and I would definitely say we are on good terms. However there is one conflict that I’m struggling with.
Everytime I come over to their house their chihuahua gets wayyy too excited and starts to bark and jump on me until I aggressively pet it. It’s important to notes that I’m not really a dog person. I was bit by a chihuahua when I was around 4 and I’ve been afraid of dogs for most of my life. Plus I’m mildly allergic. I’ve mentioned this before to them. However I’ve been trying really hard to overcome my fears and I’ve made a lot of progress. I would even say that I love their little dog… when they are calm.
But the barking and jumping when I enter is just too overwhelming and I can’t take it. My boyfriend has also explained that it’s a part of their culture to greet the in-laws in a friendly in affectionate way. I’m really not a touchy person but I am trying. However the stress of being barked at, jumped on, trying to impress in-laws, and hugging all in one moment- it’s too much. I’m admittedly a sensitive and I’m sure other people can deal with this. I’m been brought to tears twice over the over stimulation. (Which I hid from them.)
My solution was to ask my boyfriend to train the dog. But surprisingly the parents don’t want the dog to be trained? They believe the jumping and barking is cute. And when my boyfriend tried to put the dog in another room, the mother said: no no, it’s not a problem. And then let the dog out so they could continue to jump on me??
We’ve been trying to train the dog anyways. But I don’t want to continue if what I’m doing actually is wrong.
My boyfriend worries they will like me less if they find out I’m the one that suggested the training. I don’t want to over step because it’s their dog, but don’t my feelings matter as well? I don’t want to come off as overly sensitive.
Should I speak to them in person about it or just try to bear with it?
In my opinion it is right that he be trained
If the parents won’t do anything, you may have to stop going over. Have you talked to them like an adult?
I want to do that but that’s the main issue. I’m trying to figure out how adults talk, I’m not even twenty yet.
Nta
They won’t think it’s cute when an untrained dog harms a future grandchild. Or you’d hope not anyway.
And their culture doesn’t outweigh your comfort.
Can your bf pick the dog up and just hold it?
I would try meeting on neutral grounds. NTA
YTA
Your feelings should matter, but you’re going about it the wrong way. You are overstepping if you’re trying to train their dog in secret against behaviors they like for their pet. And honestly, how effective could it be if you’re giving them maybe a few hours of training that can’t/won’t be reinforced by the people the dog lives with?
They can’t make your feelings a priority if they don’t know how it’s effecting you. You should 1000% speak to them in person. Trying that should’ve been way higher up on the list of things to try before secret dog training.
Ask them to accommodate you. If they won’t, then you can set a boundary around yourself that you won’t go over if they won’t put the dog in a separate area/behind a puppy gate. But you can’t go changing things in other peoples lives/homes without their knowledge/consent to accommodate yourself.
This!!!!!!!!
NTA if you’re afraid and/or allergic the dog is not allowed near you, period. Suggesting training might not get you anywhere but telling them about the allergy should help.
However, what kind of partner doesn’t protect their loved one whom they know is afraid and allergic?! Major red flag.
Source: am a dog owner.
My brother didn’t train his dog. We haven’t visited his house in years. Just refuse to visit if the dog is that bad. Maybe they’ll agree to put it away while you’re there? Be prepared they choose the dog over you.
You haven’t spoken to them yet? NHA, but try using your adult words to his parents, just like you did to all of Reddit.
Your feelings should matter yes but they clearly don’t want to change or consider them that’s clear. Solution is – Get your own house make your own rules, or he comes to yours Yes it’s annoying but some people love their dogs and ultimately it’s their home if they end up lonely with just the dog and no visitors then thats up to them.
NTA – maybe try a form of training yourself – when the dog comes to jump on you, give it a chew toy, saying you’ve brought a treat for the dog. Soon, the dog will be expecting the toy when it sees you. Take the toy with you when you leave and bring it back the next time – the dog only gets that toy when you are there.
Do you think you want to be married to a guy whose parents would be offended that you suggested training for their dog?
NTA