Hi Reddit, I really need an outside perspective please.
For months, K (20sM) and I (20sF) had plans with my dad D, my stepmum B, my stepbrother (20) L and stepsister R (11) to stay in Location 1 overnight Saturday and attend a subsidised formal dinner at Location 2 on Sunday. Location 2 is far and expensive from our house, and is where L is studying uni.
It was cheap (\~£17.50pp) and was to celebrate my birthday. We had agreed to this plan and had even paid L for tickets ages ago.
The weekend was already going to be expensive and we were going to camp in the living room of an airbnb, but we were fine with that.
The issue started on Sunday when we were told L hadn’t booked the tickets; he apparently forgot. Due to the nature of the tickets, only L could actually buy them. No one told us there was a risk they wouldn’t happen.
The new suggestions? Either:
Go to Location 2 for an expensive meal on Sunday – which we can’t afford, or
Stay in Location 1 on our own whilst they go to Location 2 on Sunday daytime, until Sunday evening where B would cook a meal (often something I can’t eat), but space is tight and a long way for just a home cooked meal.
It feels like everything revolves around L and Location 2, and I’m expected to just go along, even on my birthday. K is also frustrated – we’ve been spending money and energy travelling for the family, and it feels one-sided.
There’s also a long history of being left out, forgotten, or deprioritised in family plans, so this felt like more of the same. I keep raising this to my dad to no avail.
Then, my stepmum B messaged saying more tickets had suddenly been released and asked if I wanted to come. I said yes immediately and asked if L could book them since we’d already paid him the money. Turns out L had only booked tickets for B, D, and R. I was given a last-minute “do you want to come or not” with transport costs still on top, no clarity, and lots of pressure.
I still said yes but asked if the price was the same and if we’d be sitting together. When I asked politely if this was a new release or a resell, B snapped and messaged me, word for word:
“OP..I’m really not having these conversations.”
I ended up saying we’d just leave it, because the whole thing caused stress and anxiety, especially since I haven’t been paid since mid-December and had just started a very intense new job.
My question:
Was I unreasonable in saying no? It feels unfair that:
\-The tickets we’d paid for weren’t booked, even though L still had my money and I never said no;
\-We weren’t warned there was a risk;
\-I got last-minute pressure to join while B and L were fine going without us; and
\-When I tried to clarify, she shut down the conversation.
I wanted to see my dad and step sis, but I also don’t want my birthday plans to cause stress, guilt, and exhaustion.
AITA here?
NTA. You’re not responsible for other people’s behavior. It’s your bday so enjoy it, their loss for not appreciating you
NTA: its your birthday. you should do something that makes you happy
NTA. If this is supposed to be your birthday celebration you shouldn’t feel like an afterthought.
NTA
But do your own birthday celebration. Take yourself to do something LESS expensive than this trip that you enjoy. Your family can pound sand & like it! And “L & B” are assholes. Kinda sounds like they didn’t want you there anyway.
NTA, you said “they made the effort” in your explanation, but I don’t see any effort. It sounds like L didn’t “forget” to book the tickets. He should return your money and you should plan to see your dad either at his home or yours from now on.
Sorry that all this was stressful, but congrats on another trip around the sun! Enjoy your birthday as best you can. Time to make your own birthday traditions.
NTA go enjoy your birthday elsewhere. Camping out on the floor and maybe? getting to sit with everyone else at this dinner that you were forgotten for doesn’t sound fun.