For context: My boyfriend works part time in retail, sometimes his shifts start at 6 am but he finishes by 11. After work, he’ll come over to my house or i’ll go to his per his request. Then he sleeps for hours. Anywhere between 8 and about 13. He snores incredibly loud and takes up the entire bed no matter where we are. Even if he doesn’t work, he sleeps for the same amount of time which leaves me sitting there for hours. I cannot get anything done out of fear to wake him up. AITA for being incredibly annoyed?
NTA. You do not have to, and should not be expected to, go over and watch him sleep. If you’re living separately, I would only go over to his place, or have him over to yours, if he plans to stay awake and actually spend time with you. Otherwise, take a pass on it.
Some people like to sleep, and some people are fine hanging out with a sleeping partner, but you don’t seem to, and that should be a dealbreaker here, OP. There’s a pretty massive incompatibility here if he’s sleeping for a large chunk of the free time you have to spend together.
We live separately but spend lots of time together. It wouldn’t be a problem for me if it wasn’t an entire day of sleeping.
NTA. Why does he invite you over if all he’ll do is sleep? Also why do you put up with it?
YANTA – iMO sleep is very important and being on different shift does not help. The way I see it he his doing a routine. It makes sense that you are annoyed. Why not tell him that you will come to his house after his sleep or he can come to yours after he as rested.
Has he been tested for sleep apnea? Sleeping 13 hours and snoring make it a possibility.
I think so! He refuses to admit he even MIGHT have it and won’t get tested.
Um… stay home when he’s sleeping and tell him to sleep at his own house.
NAH If he’s at your house then you can live normally and make as much noise as you want. If he needs quiet to sleep he is free to get it at his house. If you go to his and he’s sleeping you have the option to sleep also, rest nearby, do something else, or leave. Honestly I don’t see the problem except the one you are making by being a people pleaser.
I recommend you Read some articles about the drain of people pleasing and how it doesn’t help anyone else or yourself. Even though you may think you are being nice, you are just putting a bunch of effort that he never asked for and getting pent up resentment from it. It’s self imposed and as soon as you can realize that and change your behavior the better you and he will be
NTA. I suggest you don’t go over until he wakes up, and let him spend the night at your place if you feel like it. Have him text you after he’s awake.
If you know that the majority of your “time together” is going to consist of him sleeping, why put up with it? You said he’s “rejection sensitive” — that’s a BS statement to make you feel bad. Does he expect you to sit there gazing in adoration as he sleeps? Ewwwwww.
I don’t think you will wake him up. NTA
NTA but, I mean, just get stuff done. No reason to just sit there. Go about your life. If it wakes him then that solves your problem, if it doesn’t then you still will have gotten the stuff done.