I (f 24) am planing to get married to my fiancé (m 25), I have asked my sister (21) to be my made of honour about a year ago, when I asked her we were super close and I considered her to be my best friend. Since I asked her, she has completely changed her attitude towards me and has started to basically verbally abuse me anytime I talk to her. To give some context we both live with our parents and her boyfriend and my fiancé also live with us. My fiancé and her boyfriend (19) don’t get along and my family don’t like her boyfriend. He doesn’t have a job and only play video games all day, while my sister works and pays rent for the both of them. Me and my fiancé both have jobs even though I have been on maternity leave for the last year i start back soon and am excited. We both pay rent and I cook dinner for my parents, my fiancé, myself and clean the house as well as I clean up after my sister and boyfriend when they cook because they don’t clean up. I don’t mind cooking and clean the shared spaces of the house because I’m home everyday. Her boyfriend does nothing he just plays video games. I’m not sure if she is jealous of my life or if there’s other things going on. It just a lot on my mental plate. I have to walk on eggshells around my sister and can’t ask her simple questions like what are you making for dinner or where you going. Normal questions you’d ask people you live in the same house with. I’ve try to talk to my parents about how I feel but there are so worried about my sister that they don’t seem to care about how I feel. I think they do but it doesn’t seem that way at least. I don’t see how my relationship with my sister is going to get any better,I have tried telling her how I feel those conversations normally ended up in argument, or they are ok for a couple of day but always go back to the way they were. I really want to ask her to step down as my made of honour because I really don’t think she deserves the title but I think this would end our relationship completely and she would end up not coming.
NTA. If your sister is making you feel miserable and affecting your mental and emotional health like this, the reason doesn’t matter. Remove her as your maid of honour, tell her truthfully why it is. I would also add that you would love to hear her out if she is having issues, but that’s only if that’s actually true.
Thank you!
NTA. That is your wedding day so it should be a happy day. Yout sister might be dealing with stuff but that is no excuse. Try to have a talk with her and your parents, set expectations about what her responsabilities are during the wedding
Thank you!
NTA. But also consider that doing this may dash any chances of repairing your relationship with her. If you are okay with that, then go for it. It’s your wedding and it’s about you and your partner. Do it the way you want to. If her being maid of honor is going to make your day stressful, then follow your heart and make her step down.
Thank you!
not the asshole.
Its your wedding, what you say goes and if you cant even talk to your sister without it turning into an argument that right there would be enough reason to ask her to step down from being the maid of honor, not to mention the fact that shes verbally abusive, id send her a text that way you can fully state how you feel without her interrupting you and just letting her know how you and feel and that youve been thinking about having her step down as your maid of honor because of the way shes been acting towards you.
Thank you I like that idea to text her!
NTA, at the end of the day, it’s your wedding and your moment. You shouldn’t have to censor yourself, especially on such an important occasion, just to keep your sister from getting upset. You’re doing the right thing by trying to communicate, but if she’s not putting effort into the relationship, it’s okay to give her some space. Choose a maid of honor who will truly support you.
YTA.
Try talking to your sister.
NAH. It’s your wedding, you should have the MOH you want.
However, this is a once in a lifetime event. She’ll never have another opportunity to be your MOH, so it could be a rift that’s difficult to mend.
Before taking that step, make at least one more effort to talk to her about your relationship. Do it on neutral ground – take her out for a cup of coffee, for example, just the two of you, rather than discussing it in front of the family at home. Pick a time that you’re not already angry at each other. Use”I” statements to tell her how her behavior make you feel, rather than being accusatory. (If you’re not familiar, you can Google how to use I statements – it’s super simple but surprisingly powerful. You just have to stick with it and not get lured into arguing.)
Do what’s right for you and your fiance, but be sure you’re willing to live with the potential long-term consequences if you decide to cut your sister out of your wedding.
Unless you have money to move out, you really shouldn’t ~~create~~ worsen an uncomfortable situation at home.
Ask her again if she wants to commit to the role.
We don’t have the money to move out and there not a lot of places for rent in my area even if we did. I would to be able to but at this time it’s not possible, I don’t want to make it an uncomfortable situation at home but I am already uncomfortable living in the house but can’t afford to leave.