Am I the Asshole?
Me and my sister do not have the same father. She has never met her father and when she has reached out to his family, they are not welcoming to her. They have told her to stop contacting them the times that she has tried. I know this is really difficult for her and causes her trauma.
My dad passed away about a year and a half ago. This has been really difficult for me and I have made great progress in healing from being sad about this. After my parents divorced, I lived with both parents. There was a period of time that my dad moved further away and invited me to move with him. My sister was very jealous as she was not invited and their relationship changed after that since she is not his daughter.
I am a lot like my father in many ways and we had a special relationship. Since we are so much alike in many ways, we understood each other’s sense of humor and even if we would argue with each other, we never stayed mad at each other and got along great. I remember as a child we had a close relationship also that him and my sister never had even when she was living with us while my parents were married.
He used to take me to the movies and she was not allowed to go. When I would get back home, she would hold me down and paint me with finger nail polish. She dealt with a lot in childhood and was hospitalized , had panic attacks, and was very disruptive in the household.
After my father’s death, she started lying about me to my family. She started lying about me to my brother, who is not her brother as that is my father’s child and he is not her father. She started faking panic attacks when I see her. She came into my home and went through my things while I was not home. She stole a vape from my grandmother and when I asked her to return it, she twisted my arm. This was hurtful to me as she used to attack me when we were growing up to the point I moved in with my father to get away from her. I know her not having a father and her father’s family rejecting her is hard on her.
This isn’t really an AITA post. Just existing as your father’s child can’t be judged.
I suggest an advice sub.
I’m not really sure what you’re asking about specifically, since you’re just bringing up different things from childhood and not providing specifics on what’s going on now. I would say that what happened to her overall was not really your fault as you were also a child who couldn’t control what the adults around you were doing. It wasn’t right of her to take her anger out on you and it still isn’t, so NTA in that regard. But, I can’t help but feel like the whole story isn’t being told here either.
Oh absolutely need more context. Yes the sister lashed out, but from the little we know, it is completely understandable. I honestly feel awful for the sister. How sad that must still be, being treated like not a “real” family member.
NTA. How are you the asshole here? What have you done to her?
If I was in your place, I would cut her off until she accepted her trauma and took active steps (therapy!) to recover from it. If you are a minor who has to live with her, you need to stop engaging with her.
Looks to me like all of the grownups failed your sister. If you know her life has been difficult then show her some grace and overlook much of what she says. Your family knows she’s making it up. Why not try and befriend her? nah in my opinion.
It’s generally a bad idea to be friends with your abuser. she assaulted her and makes up lies about her. I’d stay away and let her be an adult and grow tf up
NTA
Your sister’s situation with her own father is sad and I genuinely feel for her, but that does not make you responsible for it. You didn’t create the relationship you had with your dad and you didn’t take anything away from her. That resentment was hers to work through, not yours to carry.
Grief can make people spiral, but lying about you, going through your things, stealing, and physically hurting you is not just grief. That is abusive behavior. Twisting your arm especially crosses a serious line.
It sounds like she has been holding onto jealousy for a long time and your dad’s death probably intensified it. That’s understandable emotionally, but it does not make it acceptable. You can have empathy for her trauma and still refuse to tolerate being mistreated.
At some point protecting your peace has to come first. You are allowed to grieve your father without being punished for having had a close relationship with him.
I think that all of you kids were failed by all of the adults in your lives. NTA.
While true, it sounds like OP was actually pretty privileged when it came to how she was treated by the adults in her life. Her sister was absolutely failed by everyone in her life.
NTA, but this doesn’t read like an aita post at all, what are you supposed to have done that needs judgment?
INFO: So your dad, the only father figure your half-sister ever had, treated her like a second-class citizen and abandoned her after the divorce?
Haha that’s exactly what I took from it and asked. We definitely need more context because based off of the info, I don’t understand at all how people are siding with OP like she’s some victim.
I agree this isn’t really the sub for this. But it sounds like you were very privileged when it came to how you were treated by the adults in your life, and your sister was incredibly failed by the adults in her life. I think you lack empathy for her terrible situation because it wasn’t yours. Every adult in her life was awful. Sorry, that also, yes, includes your father. Was he the only father figure she ever knew? If so, it would be absolutely heartbreaking to be segregated and treated like “not his real child.” And completely damaging to her. How old are all of you and is she younger or older than you? More context would help I think. While it sucks she felt the need to lash out, it’s more than understandable. She needs therapy, but you need empathy. ESH