For context, I’m 21F and live with my parents 51M and 48F. Before I get judged for still being with my parent, I’m an immigrant and only just got work authorization about 4 months ago. So I’m in the early stages of saving to move out.
Anyways, after graduating highschool, I attended community college 4 years ago to study computer science. I wanted to study psychology but my parents refused to pay if I wasn’t going to do computer science so I agreed. My last semester of getting my associates degree, my parents stopped funding college and I’ve been stuck at home since then bc I cannot work. I do odd jobs such as makeup artist and help wedding planning since they don’t require work authorization. My parents told me they stopped paying for college bc they want me to join the army so that my mom can get her green card, it’s a whole process that isn’t even guaranteed. But I refuse bc I’ve heard plenty of horror stories about the military esp as a woman. Since then the house has been a living hell.
My parents have taken my car, complained about my disobedience to the pastor and her extended family. She even refused to let me work bc I refuse to join the army. I’ve been called selfish and all sorts of names bc I refuse to sacrifice 3+ years in the army. I’ve begged my mom to put me back in college and she refused bc I’m not joining the army. It’s so bad at home, I have no car to go to work, no way to go to college now bc I only started working. AITA for not wanting to go to the military? I rlly don’t want to go.
My mom also can’t go back to her country to visit her parents bc of her status, and she always brings up how I’m stopping her from seeing her parents before they inevitably pass away and this rlly does make me feel like an ass.
NTA! Joining the army for a green card sounds like a wild plot twist in a bad movie, and honestly, your mom needs to chill out and let you live your own life.
It hasnt always worked well, lots of broken promises. Alternatively, you could join the peace corps. Not sure what their deal is these days, but it might be an option.
Also Starbucks and other companies pay for school.
NTA. Im sorry you’re in this position.
Holy crap. NTA but your parents sure are!
NTA: this is abusive from your parents. It’s not your job to get your mom a green card. Your parents are grown adults and need to figure out their own business.
Your parents not very intelligent. NTA but your parents suck big time
NTA. Your emotionally abusive parents are the assholes! Massive guilt trips and manipulation. Get the hell out of their house by any means necessary and never see them again unless they change and stop being abusive
Find a job close to a place where you can get a roommate and move out. Your mother wants you to give your.life for her visiting her parents
NTA. I’m so sorry you are in this situation. Joining the Army is not for everyone. There are people that join and become citizens when they graduate boot camp. Your status could help your parents, but it could also backfire (they would have to go through the interview process, etc.).
I know historically people went in because they were required to (the draft). So, serving against your will isn’t unprecedented. However, it’s very self-serving for your parents to put this on you. They have made their choices. You have the right to do the same. I’m so sorry you are in this position.
I would never presume to suggest a path forward (either way). But talking to a recruiter might help you make a decision. Also, talking to someone who is active duty, but not a recruiter might also be helpful to get a real world point of view.
Side note: if you feel you want to look into serving check out the Air Force. It might be more to your liking.
If you serve and complete your contract you would have an educational benefit that could help with your education.
I wish the best for you.
NTA. The way your parents are treating you is horrible, and I’m sorry they’re making their love and support conditional. Assuming this is the United States, I’d also be worried about ICE getting your information from the military and them going after you and your family (because I wouldn’t put it past ICE to steal info like that if they aren’t already) let alone the dangers of being a woman in the military. Is there any way you can look for housing or immigrant resources in your city/county, or jobs within walking distance? Best of luck OP 🫶
What they’re doing is abuse and makes no sense. You have one semester of college left, for a degree you already didn’t want, then they pull the rug on that (thereby wasting all previous tuition) and try to make you do something else you don’t want to do.
They took away any means you have to make an income and are basically holding you hostage.
If you have any way to leave that house immediately, I suggest you do it.
Maybe talk to an immigration attorney ASAP.
No one should join the military if it’s not in their heart. The military is difficult and once you’re in you can’t get out. Talk to the town social worker about your situation and see if they have any advice. Your parents don’t seem to have your best interest in mind. Try to get independent. Best of luck.
I wouldn’t trust ANYTHING this administration tells ANY non-citizen about getting a green card. If your mom has the chance to self deport, I’d take it. The US is an absolute hell scape for non citizens. And you are absolutely right about the chances of being sexually assaulted as a female in the US military, ANY BRANCH.
NTA your parents sound horrible. And also I half wonder if it’s more of a control thing, that one semester away from you having the degree for get a good job and become independent they changed the rules and told you to do something else.
And you’re right to worry about the military and definitely shouldn’t sign up if it’s not something you’re passionate about.